I hate myself.
I hate my face, my body, the environment that I'm in.
I'm filled with so much hate, I don't even know what to do with it.
I see pictures and magazines and when I look back at myself, I no longer like what I see.
See, they don't show you the stretch marks, split ends, or gap teeth.
They don't represent people like you and me.
The irony that we're all forced down messages such as be yourself by celebrities when they know full well that they're partially to blame for our insecurities.
Since day one, we've been told to say this and do that and if I wear this, then a guy just might like me.
Running my confidence to the ground.
I can't even hold a conversation without saying the word sorry.
Like 15 gazillion times to say that I'm apologizing for just being me.
Some days, I stay up awake at night, and the silence is so loud it overwhelms me.
I can't sleep or eat.
Filled with so much negativity till negativity became me.
But I lie, and carry on smiling because that's a person I want to be.
So happy and joyful and carefree.
People say just be confident.
They don't understand that you get tired, you get weak.
I just need you to understand that I'm filled with self hate and it consumes me because I wasn't told to be proud of myself and love who I am.
No.
I was told there was expectations and limitations and fought for every can't to be a can.
So filled with hate, I suffocate.
This is my fate,
I tell myself as I tried to pick myself up.
But it's too late.
I don't want compliments or attention from passers-by.
I crave real love, not likes from a social networking website.
And then you start to create this self image that is so perfect and flawless and happy because you think that that's what's right...
Wrong.
See, you can't fill a void with lies.
You can't solve pain with short highs.
So you resort to late-night cries, and you wonder why.
For the longest time, I will blame my environment, the media, my peers, and it took me years to see that it's not you...
It's me...
