The Tragedy of a Pinball Wizard

The Most Important Meal of the Day

He felt so blessed to be able to wake up every single day to a cabinet full of incredible beans. In Oliver's eyes, beans are God's greatest gift to mankind. He carefully placed the can of beans on the counter as not to disrupt the delicate beans inside. He needed a tool to enter the can with. From underneath his sink, he withdrew his trusty 16th century battle axe. There was a certain art to getting these cans open to get at the food inside and luckily for Oliver, his knowledge expanded beyond pinball. He was also a self-proclaimed expert at opening cans of beans. It was a party trick he performed many times before for his mother's bridge club, every time bringing many praises without fail. Oliver held the battle axe in his right hand far out to the side of his body. He squinted and focused his eyes directly on the prison of his precious beans. He let out a booming warriors cry and swung the axe with purpose and with perfect aim. The can was no match for Oliver's skill. With a loud pop, the can burst in half and splattered beans onto the wall to his left. A perfect ten out of ten opening. For the second time today, Oliver had conquered another challenge life tried to throw his way.

"It's time for beans!" Oliver yelled, dropping the battle axe to the floor and practically diving on top of the two halves of the can on the counter. Taking one half in each hand, Oliver turned around to the other counter he had in his apartment, for this was the one on which he kept his toaster.

"This is the counter on which I keep my toaster." Oliver poured the beans straight into the toaster, he could hardly wait to dig in. All he needed now was an eating utensil. He threw the fridge door open and scrambled for a spoon. Beans always made him ravenous.

"Beans always make me ravenous!" He screamed. Unfortunately, Oliver found no spoons. All he could find was a straw. It would have to do. He could wait no longer. Beans were all he wanted. All he needed. He plunged the straw deep into the bean filled toaster. He closed his lips around the straw and created a massive amount of suction through the plastic tube turned bean delivery device. His taste buds exploded with the wonderful taste of beautiful, wonderful beans. It never failed to bring tears to his eyes when he ingested the greatest food on earth. He just couldn't believe that this was his life, but this was no time to get sentimental. It was six o' clock now, Wally's opened in an hour. Breakfast would have to be to go today.

"That stupid cabinet door wasted all my time." He mumbled to himself as swung his apartment door open as hard as he could. He needed to let everybody in his apartment complex know how angry he was. The door handle left a massive hole in the wall where it struck and Oliver felt satisfied with his actions. He knew that after what he had just done, now even the janitorial staff would know that he was angry this morning.