everything i've learned and the things i've seen, it shatters inside of me. i don't know why it's taken me this long, why i refused to see him for who he really is. why i don't shrink from him, as i declare aloud without any hesitation or ambiguity...
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{fourteen}
i need you
-
"now... mr. payne, is that correct?"
it's as i blink suddenly, i find myself sitting in the counsellors office at the very far corner of my high school's campus.
there is rain splashing across the small windows, and the grass usually scattered with foolish boys is now desolate and a glistening doldrum. i'm not sure how i got here, if i've even slept the night prior — possibly, i'm just flailing through my quiet subconscious mind. my hands search for actuality, slipping down the wooden arms of the chair i'm glued to and inhaling the stagnant dust that sits in the crooks of the room i'm in. my eyes drift to the woman sitting in the desk in front of me, she's in her mid-forties with hazelnut hair tied lowly behind her neck. the slight wrinkles surrounding her eyes and mouth make her appear serious and stoic, yet her voice is calm and inviting.
it's then i realize that the woman in front of me is an investigator, as she sits with such manly confidence and her shoulders spread wide. her fingers are clasped together on top of a folder filled with yellow-marked papers, her petite gold watch peeking from her blazer cuff and hanging around her slight wrist. the greens of her eyes feign a safe friendliness towards me, but from my aloofness, she is immediately cynical.
i nod in answer. her brow raises.
"i need you to verbally answer yes or no, mr. payne," she sucks her teeth and lifts a recording device from across the table in presentation. i swallow my breath, my head tilting slightly at her coolness, "yes."
"right," her head lulls and begins to observe my hands fidgeting in my lap, continuing swiftly with her twangy accent, "i am detective jane melrose and will be interviewing you today on your past recent events. do you understand?"
i exhale with a rattle, "yes."
"thank you for cooperation, this will only take a short moment and then you can go on your merry way." she bears her teeth in a grin briefly, a smile i don't return, as she stays perfectly still under the crack of pressure that sits over my shoulders. i'm inhaling through my nostrils, but my heart is beating terribly loud through my ears without any mercy. she lets her perfectly tailored nails skim across the mahogany table, touching her wrist and continuing slowly, "now, the purpose of why you're here on this particularly gloomy morning... i would just like to know what your day was like on last saturday, the day prior to miss seymour's—"
i cut her off before she can finish, "—yeah, uh... sorry." it's a burst of abruptness, something i couldn't of controlled even if i had tried. mandy had already become just a name, a number, a date — a possession of someone's brutal desire. but i still feel her here, the warmth of her hand on my shoulder and the pretty smiles she'd give to soothe away misfortune.
