Not quite the world you know.

You can't just leave me here

Crowley's POV

The portal spat us out in the middle of the room I was blinded momentarily until I saw the dark feathers splayed onto the floor. The normally white floor was stained a deep crimson and a figure laid in the centre twisted sideways awkwardly. I rushed over already feeling my throat block. My fears were confirmed as I walked closer, tears spilt down my cheeks. Aziraphale was still breathing, but only slightly. They had left him to bleed out alone. I hardly remember moving but there I was and my broken angel was in my arms.

"Hello, Crowley." He said his voice hardly a whisper, yet he smiled. My hand searched over his chest and finally located the wound. I pressed down even as the voice in my mind told me it was too late. I tried to stay strong and I did until his blood-stained hand reached up and cupped my cheek. The small tears that had spilt became a river but the angel only smiled. "Hey, don't be sad, it's better this way, it's better this way. You can all be safe now. You can all live without fear. As you should have been." He said a bit louder, and I saw the pain behind his eyes, carefully shielded by love.

"No, no angel it wasn't supposed to be like this, you weren't supposed to die like this angel I can't let you go," I begged and I watched as his eyes watered before he blinked and the tears went away.

"It's okay my dear I love you." He said and his arm weakened slightly, still cupping my cheek.

"Say it again angel, please, for me." He nodded.

"I love you, Crowley, I love you so much." He voice began to fade. "I love you, I... love...you." Then his hand dropped. My world went silent.

"No, no angel please no, don't leave me, angel, please, I..I can't," I screamed, before pulling the forever unresponsive body to my chest, yelling into the blond curls. "You can't leave me, I can't lose you. Say it again one more time angel, please. I love you so much please say it again." The angel didn't move. My body convulsed and sobs and more screams ripped from my body. It could have been hours, it could have been days, years, months before I felt a hand on my shoulder. Sam his eyes red touched my shoulder.

"Come on Crowley, we should go." Why did he get the right to cry? He didn't know the angel, he didn't understand how no matter what I said or did the angel wouldn't leave me, not for long.

"No, I can't leave him." Sam frowned and pulled Aziraphale away slightly. I yelled and kicked at him but my body didn't respond. There was a flash of light and the angel was gone. My sobs came louder and the pain in my chest became too much. I fell forward into my lap before turning and retching at the scent of my angel's blood still in my lap. Some of his feathers left behind. Sam had lifted me slightly, and quite numbly I walked into the portal clutching the feathers. I fell to the couch and silently let tears roll down my face. Castiel, on the other hand, was wailing, he, I felt was the only one who had the authority to cry. the only other one to truly love my angel. His cries drowned out all other noise and I curled into myself. It was my fault I should have watched him closer. Why, why would he leave me. He couldn't be dead he just couldn't be. The feathers, even though they had been bloodstained, still smelt of him. Sunshine after a rainfall, books, lavender, and a light spearmint. It only brought tears to fall harder. Dean had wrapped himself around Castiel who was still sobbing. At least he had someone to comfort him. I choked on my tears and cried as my muscles cramped, it had been hours. Cas had fallen asleep on Dean who was still watching me, I didn't care he wouldn't understand. Then there was a pinch in my arm. Sam stood off to the side.

"I'm sorry but you need to rest." As my world faded out, I wished I could have died with the angel, knowing he wouldn't have let me die alone, as I let him.

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Dean's POV

Cas had stopped crying near an hour ago but the pain was still evident on his face. This was not something they would easily move on from. Sam and I had talked quietly but he also fell asleep. I leaned against the chair and pulled Cas a bit closer. The angel was a good man, he didn't deserve this. I found my mind wandering on how I could have stopped him. But truly I knew it was for the best. Even if the two others didn't agree. I had cried a few tears but I didn't feel like I was the one they belonged to. I hardly knew the man, it wasn't my place. Sam had moved the demon to the bed after we drugged him. In all honesty, neither of us could stomach the sounds of pain coming from the poor man. He wasn't going to move on and we all knew it. He had still been clutching the feathers tightly when Sam had laid him down. Crowley had broken quickly and it hadn't been pretty, it wouldn't be for a long time, for either of them. Never in my life had I seen Cas cry so hard, and the way the demon had, it seemed, well inhuman. Things would never be the same for him.

Time skip 1 month later

Cas wrestled a knife from the hands of the demon as he sobbed. It had been the third time this month he had tried to kill himself. Sam, Cas, and I had all taken shifts watching him. Eventually, we knew he would stop, we just didn't know when. He had cried, turned to alcohol, drugs, and now death, we made sure that he never came to him. Aziraphale would have been disappointed and he yelled that at Cas, who had pried the knife from his hand and suddenly had him in a hug.

"Aziraphale would never have been disappointed in you. He loved you more than life itself. He loved us more than life itself." Tears poured down both of their faces. "He would have been sad to know that he had died for nothing, you can't go killing yourself to see him if he died to keep you alive." Crowley fell forward into the angel.

"I miss him so much. What have I done?" He shook and it didn't stop he seemed to be vibrating.

"I miss him too. I miss him more than words can express. He told you very specifically not to blame yourself. It was his decision. You know damn well that if you had told him not to go he would have anyway." Cas laughed and cried. "He was a stubborn ass. But you and I both know every second of every moment was worth it for him." Cas broke and looked back at me. I walked over and Cas stood hiding his face in his hands.

"Crowley, Aziraphale loved you so much, and no matter what you think, that's not what killed him, it's really not. He decided that he loved you enough that even death couldn't end that. There was nothing that could have separated the two of you." He demon had sunken forward before he snapped and the room cleared, the empty bottles gone the knives put away, and his clothes were clean.

"It was too early, he didn't deserve this. Now, it's my job to keep what he loved in order. I'm buying his bookshop."

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Somewhere, deep in a pit of nothing, where angels went when they died. A man with light blond hair and a smile to melt the coldest soul, awoke.

Alright, all, I'm so sorry and I cried a lot writing this. This was really hard, but I hope you liked it. Don't be too mad, please. I hope you enjoyed it! With love,

-AA

Word count: 1366