Hi, I'm Bob Duncan. I like donuts and McDonalds take out and One Direction #niallerforlyfe. I dedicated my instagram account to Niall, @bobluvsuniall. Niall is love Niall is life and I recently turned gay for him but Amy doesn't know. Oh yeah I also have a wife, Amy, (Pooface) 5 piece of shit children, PJ (he's dumb as shit), Teddy (She's anorexic as shit), Gabe (He's just a total fuck up, Amys fault), Charlie (annoying af), and Toby (Cries all night long while I try to dream of my bby Ni Ni and makes me want to shove PJs peepee down his throat)
And one other thing... I have a unique (Im special hehe lel) butthole condition called "Buttholeshrivelitis" and it causes my butthole to get too hot at times and shrivel up, if it gets too hot I might die!!1!! Amy and the lil shits always whining and yelling doesn't help at all, I hate them tbh I want them to shove pickles in their peepees!!!!
I was in the kitchen eating my 6th donut for the day when Poopoo comes in.
"Bob, dear that's your sixth donut!"
Ugh she makes me angry
"For the day!!"
Just leave.
"Bob it's 9 am!"
I stomp my foot and scream and sprint to my room and cri. I flop down on my bed and scream into my pillow "No one understands me!"
I want my butthole condition to go away and live with my Ni Ni in Narnia where I will someday be a rice farmer!! Not a damn exterminator! They just need to have the Bob Duncan Experience (See what I did there I'm so cool lul) " UGH" I cri out.
My thoughts were interrupted by my white iPhone 5s (because I've always wanted to be a white girl bc #whyteforlyf) buzzing. I checked the notification.
"Instagram: @niallhoran liked your photo."
WHAT OMG
YOU ARE READING
Butthole, a Bob Duncan Fanfic
FanfictionBob wasn't your average fat man, he had a bad condition that occurred in his butthole, or anus if you will. It has prevented Bob from living and fulfilling his dream of being a rice farmer in the deep forests of Narnia, with his bb, Niall Horan. Wil...
