Inner Bitch

Chapter 2 : bucket list

So I tried to befriend this Amanda chick... But I just can't. Maybe it's her cuteness or her dumbness. I can't decide which part of her is more hateful.

"Goldie, can you help me unpack this one too?"
I sigh just because I can't curse. Oh how I wish I could, "I don't know honey, whatcha think?"

She looks at the extremely busy me and I don't know how but she find some nerves to tell me, " You would?"

I stare at her. I think she's the whole bad luck capacity of my college years. I can't decide if it's a good thing that all my disasters are packed in one tiny cute Blondie or not, "If I'm done with my stuff I'll definitely help you." Never.

"Not only you're smart but also a kind." A kind what? A kind what bitch!

Okay, I must calm down. I can't let her ruin my carefully planned college years. I put out my bucket list. It includes things I wanna do before graduation. I know there are things that you won't be able to do if you haven't done them before graduation.

1. Finding at least 5 friends.
Well, it's actually quite a lot for me. I've always been a loner. I didn't feel any problem till last year. I realized that there is a wonderful thing happening outside my walls that I was completely unaware of it. It's night life. People actually go out after 9 p.m and go anywhere they want! They do all the illegal shit that I've been reading about -but less cool. I mean who likes to have sex with some strange on night dude (dude is a gender neutral word) and... Sorry was that Seduction and Snacks?- and I came to understand the fact that I'm unable to do this on my own. I mean I need some one to drive me back home right?
So I do the math and 5 friends is he exact number I need.

I never had any friends. It's not like I'm antisocial like they think. I just can not be any careless about any other human being. It's not that I hate them... I just don't like them.
And how hard can it be to find some friends? They don't even need to be as high as my standards. Unfortunately they can't be smart enough to be worthy of my time but I can manage hanging out with some idiots for a few hours. It can be fun.

"It's 1 am. Is it tomorrow or is it today?" Amanda asks me. She looked so troubled.
I look at her. Well it's not that fun if they're dumb like this cute chick but I have my ways to make it fun, "Actually if it's past twelve and you're still awake, it doesn't count as your day. Even if you eat a whole ass pizza you won't gain any weight."

And there it is. She looks so happy that I can feel guilt in my chest. Which goes away soon.
"Can we order one?" She asks.
I shrug, "Only if it's on you."
"I'll pay! Thank you for the permission." She says as she stands up and grabs her wallet.

"Are we friends?" I ask.
"Of course!" I hear her from hall.
And I smile and write, "One down. Four to go." In front of number one.

How do I accept her as my friend? Well I think she likes me. She listens too well and she's willing to buy pizza. And also I can't forget the fact that she's my roommate for God's sake.
And I hate her!
So, one down. Yey.

2. Date a handful of people.
Why I wrote people? I don't know how do I like it. A boy, a girl, nothing at all?
I'm not sure. I searched in the internet to find my sexuality and all of those tests required my preference and I was like, if I knew that why would I take this goddamn test?

So, here I am. Completely unaware of what I want for a romantic relationship.

3. Get watsed.
It's a part of night life. I just want to know if it's worth it. It seems horrible.

4. Get your ducking driving license
Chill woman! I will.

5. Cheat on a exam.
It may seemed childish but it's one of the hardest. One time I almost fainted due to stress of cheating. The whole exam got cancelled 'cause unfortunately I didn't faint but throw up all over the place. Thanks to that incident I wasn't as invisible as I wanted in the high school.

6. Get a part time job.
Why? I'm not sure. When I wrote this list I needed money I guess?

7. Fall in love like crazy.
Yeah. I just want to test if I'm able to love someone more that myself. I bet I can't. Not because I'm to narssistic. It's because I'm 100% sure there won't be anyone good enough. Like never.

8.do drugs and cigarette.
One time won't hurt. It's for the sake of being a college student.

List ends here and Amanda's back. She put the box on my, no, our couch and says, "Come! Let's eat!"
I smile. She's so cute I hate her.

"Thanks for the pizza. Where did you buy it? It's late." I ask as I take a slice.
"Some boy had too many boxes. I asked his where did he get them and he was kind enough to offer me one. I also get the pizza place's number." She says.

"I bet that number is actually his." Of course it is! Amanda is so cute and tiny. A pizza? I'm sure that boy was willing to give her some sushi or steak.

"Really? But I want the pizza place. I'll check it later. It's good." She clearly enjoys her late night snack. Maybe I didn't have to tell her about gaining weight.
But what can I do?

I just love to tease people. But they don't know. They think I'm too shy or something.

After that joyful dance of tongues I was too sleepy to brush my teeth and just slept on my bed, right next to all the stuff that waited to long to be unpacked.
They have to wait a few more hours.
___________
It's still weird?