Thinking About You

Chapter 13

There's always that one gloomy, cloudy day. That's today, while I was at work. A huge storm could be seen coming; it nearly looks night time outside. Employees were watching it from the dealership windows. Customers weren't coming out today. I stood next to my dad and watched it. My dad starts tsking.

"Should be a nice cool down from all the hot weather," he says.

All morning thoughts of letting him know what has been going on has been swarming through my head. My dad doesn't know anything about my childhood relationship with Alex. I figure it's best to let him know now. I take comfort in knowing we weren't alone but still I slowly start to walk back to my office, he follows soon after.

"So, my guess is that you and Treese are no longer together."

I forgot about Treese, haven't even heard from her since that blow up. Now that I think about it she probably already had her baby by now.

"I ran into her father and he let me know that she had a child and that she was going through paternity issues."

I start to get nervous. There was an absurd thought in the back of my mind that I could still be the father. What if Adam really wasn't the father?

"I'm glad you dodged that bullet, son," he continues with relief. "Sam told me a whole story. Come to find out the father of her child was some notorious drug dealer out in Section 2. He's been locked up for some time now."

I stand paralyzed before him. What... the... fuck? Dodged a bullet did sound about right.

"Damn." Was all I could say.
"Close call, Jay. I'm sure you've learned something from this."

He starts to walk away but I find myself saying, "The fact that I'm gay."

I couldn't even believe it myself. I've never even allowed myself to come to this conclusive thought but there it was. My dad had slowly turned around and glared at me. I don't think I'm prepared for his wrath. He slowly moves closer to me. He continues to stare at me, hard, until he breaks out in a roaring laugh.

"Okay, son, lets not be rash."
"I'm serious, dad," I say softly with a slow blink.

His face lost all humor. I didn't want him to start laughing again or not taking me serious so I decide to proceed.

"I've been dating my best friend Alex. Alex Cruz? We been together for weeks now and decided to live together."
I pause but gain the courage to continue.
"I've loved him for a while now, dad. Since before Treese or any female I've dealt with. I'm sorry I've never told you."
"Never let me know that all his time you've really been a faggot," he says harshly over my words.
It makes me flinch so hard; I hate that word.
"Dad—"
"No, Jay! Listen to me! You're not gay! Maybe you're a little vulnerable since the whole thing with Treese but you're not gay!"

He reaches behind him in a swift motion to slam the door shut. I spot Chris looking this way.

"Dad, I think I'm old enough to be able to tell—"
"Damnit, Jay!" He shouts and walks around in anger.
I could almost see the steam coming off him. He turns abruptly to me.
"I didn't raise a faggot! You're not going to dishonor me or your dead mother like this!"
It felt as if the breath was kicked out of me.
"This has nothing to do with mom," I say with a noticeable croak in my voice.
I could feel the tears coming.
"And she knew from the get go what a judgmental prick you are!" I shout back.
"Watch it," he warns me.
"That's why she cheated on you and ran off and tried to start another family!" The tears came this time.
"And you kept me away from her!"
I could tell he was reaching his breaking point but so was I.
"I'm gay dad! Okay?! I've been fucking Alex since I was twelve years old! And I'm still fucking him! And I like it, I love him! You can't do anything or change that!"

He hit me and I didn't see it coming. With a back hand slap I felt his rings. I stumble back and could feel the blood starting to ooze near my eye.

"Get your shit and get the hell out," he says menacingly.
It's my turn to glare at him.
"You firing me?" I ask calmly but with an underlining hardness.
He stands there mean mugging me and huffing and puffing.
"Just leave my sight," he finally answers.
I simply grab my book bag.
"I won't be coming back," I say and move around and past him.

Alex watches me carefully and silently with a hard look on his face from the bathroom door. There are cuts on the side of my right eye and a bruise was starting to come on. I let the hot water run over my hands and the washcloth. Some of my blood was on the sink. Alex starts swearing in Spanish under his breath. He reaches over and takes the washcloth from me and puts it by my eye.

"You're starting to bleed again," he informs me.

I don't say anything but watch him. He was peeved and kept shaking his head.

"I can't believe he did that," he says with an accent.

Typically when he spoke English he had a whole other accent but his Spanish one seeped out.

I'm at a loss for words. Of course I was hurt and maybe disappointed in my father but I wasn't really surprised. But I am surprised at how upsetting this is for Alex. He was aggressively moving things around or forcefully turning off and on the faucet. I reach for his hands and held them still.

"I'll be okay, Alex."

He became still, looking down, and leans against the sink counter.

"Our fathers ain't shit," he voices.

There was a humorous tone under the statement but I know he didn't find anything funny about it.

"When's the last time you seen him?" I ask.

Alex had his arms crossed, still looking down at the floor. He's quiet, probably in thought.

"Probably when I was thirteen. Puto just poofed and left. Let my mom tell it he got other kids, had him some straight kids. I don't know who is worst. Her or him. Sometimes I think that if she could she would have left me too but my dad beat her to it."

That was a fucked up way of putting it. He looks over at me.

"You threw ya mom in his face?"
I shake my head.
"He brought her up."
I look away.
"You never talk about her. Not even to me."

I look to the mirror and check out my reflection. The right side of my face is still red looking.

"Not much to tell, I don't even think about it. I guess there's a lot I don't really let myself dwell on. She ended up leaving my dad when I was nine. I missed her, I always asked about her. She didn't mean to leave me but my father was stern and kept me. Eventually he tried to keep me from seeing her; would limit my time with her. I know they went to court a few times. My dad just started to get resentful and vindictive. It didn't all last that long, though. She was killed in a car accident when I was eleven."

When I look at Alex he's staring at me with a devastating expression.

"I'm sorry, Jac."
I look away and drum on the counter.
"It's cool, Alex."

But he moves in and wraps his arms around me. That's when I lose it. He only held me tighter as I cried on his shoulder.