inside view

what do i do?

Have yall ever been told to choose between your friends and you friend this is what I am doing

July 21: hey my name is Astronova I have some really good friends that I would go to for sooo much. Or should I say had. I'll tell yall what happened. july 7th 11:00p.m I was asking one of my friends Emma what to do. One of my friends wanted to met my parents but we both like each other. So it scared me. Then at 11:07 (yes ik it down to the time) she called him something. Later on I under stood why. But I had so much going on. My dad just got out of the hospital. My mom was losing her mind. My sister was fighting with every one. And I was just told that I have an 73% chance of getting depressed by the time I'm 14. (I'm 13)  I got mad and went to my closest friend I had. I was crying and mad. I tell people I'm okay. I'm not (more on this later)  the next day she turned on me all I wanted was for my friends and me to be happy. I went to her for help and she hurt me so bad. I have trust issues now. I had to retrust my own mom. I still barely do. The next day. (We talked till ab 3AM) emma called around 1 we talked and I thought between us it was okay I even read out loud what one of them said. And added her on to the group chat. Then later on around 3-6 PM I was added on to a group call to talk to them for no reason lilleigh was mad at me. (Lily is how you say it)  I dont even know why. She called me a female dog around 17 times. Yes I counted it. It hurt me because my mom used to call me that and cuss me out. If my dad wouldn't of mouthed "do u need an excuse off the phone" I would of cried in front of them and I already was crying. I only have 3 peopel in my life if pushed every one else away. I dont wanna be here anymore and. My dad understands and is one of the 3 that I haven't pussed away but in the following month he will be. Then the one I defended. He is one of the only reason I'm alive. I do have a scar on my wrist. And then he deleted snapchat. I only have my self. And I'm slowly letting that go. Emma and Saphia told me pick him or them. I know my answer. I'll tell yall in my next chapter. But my answer comes from my heart and not my head. It comes from the thought of losing both of them. Like someone told me. "Juat because there smiling in your face doesn't make them your friend"  Ik and it's TRUE. I lost ab 30 peopel due to choosing.

That's all I have for now I'll tell yall more in my next chapter i have 2 books going other then this one so until next chapter

Word count:
541