Redrum

Two

There were hands everywhere, grabbing at her feet as she tried to run. The ground had started as dirt, swiftly changing to mud, then water. Just as she saw solid land splash onto the horizon, a rough hand reached up and wrapped its fingers tightly around her ankle, causing her to fall face-first into the water. As she surfaced, the water began to change - deeper, darker, thicker. Cupping the liquid in her hands, she quickly realized it wasn't water at all. She was sitting in a pool of blood that wasn't her own. Screams rang out in every direction, insufferable pierces through the quiet. She began to scramble, trying to get herself up and onto the safety of land. Just as she shook the last hand from her legs, she felt a muscular, angry hand wrap around her throat.

"No!" Natasha gasped for breath as she startled awake. She sat up, dripping in sweat and heart pounding in her ears. She looked around the room, confused with where she had landed tonight.

The past 24 months had been filled with running, hunting, and surviving. Waking up in a new place almost every morning didn't lend well to her nightmares. She closed her eyes and placed a hand on the soft mattress underneath her, remembering that she was safe at Steve's. Despite her multiple protests, he had insisted she take the bed.

Finding comfort in the fact she knew where she was, Natasha took multiple deep breaths and began to listen as her heartbeat slowed to its normal rate. Sam had taught Steve the same grounding technique to ease the shock of nightmares. Fortunately, Steve liked to share.

Once her head was clear and she was no longer shaking, she slipped out of the bedroom to get a glass of water. Her throat felt raw, and she hoped she hadn't been screaming in her sleep again.

"Can't sleep?" she heard Steve ask from the couch, startling her. She wiped up the water she had spilled from her glass and turned to see Steve sprawled out on the couch. Natasha grabbed another glass down and went to sit next to him.

"Jetlag. You?" she asked as he sat up and took the glass. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"Just thinking," he said taking a sip of water before placing the glass on the coffee table.

"You know I wouldn't have come if I had another choice," Natasha said softly. "With S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters no longer standing, I didn't have anywhere to come home to. Barton's off on a mission, so I couldn't go to him..."

Steve rested a hand on her leg, cutting her off. "It's alright, Natasha, I'm just glad you're safe. You can stay as long as you need."

The pair sat in comfortable silence for a while before Natasha spoke again.

"I would have come sooner, you know, but I had a few...detours along the way." She adjusted her position on the couch, placing her feet on the coffee table in front of them. She smirked, looking at Steve's disapproving look out of the corner of her eye. She didn't remove her feet.

"I only planned to be gone for six months tops, but Fury had other plans for me." Natasha paused and finished the rest of her water. "I was in Russia when he first called me..."
After securing the proper documents under her new cover that would allow her to freely travel, Natasha had set off for Russia. At first, she didn't know why she even went, knowing deep down that she wasn't going to find answers to her questions and relief from her pain. After a few days of wandering around Moscow, she set off on a personal mission; one that she had avoided for so long.

"I went looking for my parents," she said somberly, focusing her attention on the overflowing bookcase directly in front of them. "I didn't want to make contact or anything, I just wanted to know where they were, what they were doing." Natasha choked on her words but continued. "They died a month after I defected. I found two little gravestones behind a chain-link fence.

"I didn't have much time to mourn though. Fury found me the next day and sent me to Romania. I spent three weeks staking out Bucky." Natasha felt Steve stiffen beside her when she said his best friend's name.

Bucky had sought refuge in a small village in eastern Romania. He had struck up a deal with a farmer's family - work around the farm in exchange for food and shelter. And that's what he did. During her time watching, Bucky spent most of his time with the animals or in solitude and slept in the loft of the horse barn. Natasha could count on one hand the number of times he left the farm, only going into the nearby city to run errands for the family.

"He must have caught on that someone was watching him though because I lost him. Fury called me to a hostage mission in Prague, and when I returned he was gone. The family he was staying with didn't even know he was gone until I asked. No one's seen him since."

Natasha could feel how cold Steve had gotten next to her and immediately felt guilty for bringing it up. "I wanted to tell you, Steve, I really did. When I saw him for myself the first thing I wanted to do was call you, but Fury forbid it." She positioned herself so that she was looking square at Steve. "He's doing great, though, I promise."

Steve let out a breath, opening his eyes to look at Natasha. "When was this?"

"Six months after we lost him in D.C."

Steve nodded, processing the information she had just shared and offered a weak smile. "Thanks, Romanoff," he said with genuine gratefulness. "That's what I needed to hear tonight."

Natasha mirrored his smile and leaned her head on Steve's shoulder closing her eyes. He had taken it better than she had thought and she was grateful.
"So tell me, Rogers, how have you been?"

Steve didn't get five minutes into filling her in on what he has been doing for the past few years before she felt herself slipping into unconsciousness. She smiled again, but this time just to herself. She had a feeling the nightmares would stay away for the rest of the night, as long as Steve was next to her.