A Touch Of Sin [BxB]

31.

Double update bc I feel bad about the last chapter and thank you for all the birthday wishes n love xoxo

The next few days pass in a blur.

I'm practically a zombie. I don't leave my room. I don't eat. I don't respond to any calls or texts. I barely have the energy to get out of my bed to go to the bathroom, let alone go outside.

I've never felt so empty in my entire life.

As I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, I loop every word, every moment in my head. The times he tried and I thought he wasn't. But he was, in his own way.

All these times he's the one that has screwed up and he's had to chase me. Now it's the other way and it feels terrible.

Rhett tried to ring me and I blocked his number without a moment of hesitation. I didn't want it to come to this but he's left me no choice.

Jake is everything to me and I have to get him back.

This morning was the first time I've left the house in a while. I went to counselling, cried so hard my chest burnt and my eyes swelled. Now, I'm back to laying here, feeling empty, reminding myself over and over again where I went wrong.

It's different this time. I've always been the one to pull away or step back. Having our roles reversed isn't fun. It's showing me how much I really do love him.

I said it to him and he didn't say it back.

Like he said to me, I'm never going to forget this.

***

"You need to go back to school, baby," Ma sighs, rubbing her gentle hand across my back. "I know it's hard but the work you're missing is going to really affect you in the long run."

"I don't want to go back there ever again," I groan. "Not without him."

"Well... that's what I wanted to talk to you about," Ma says.

I move so that I'm half on my side, staring at her. "What?"

"We've had a lot of people sign in protest of Jake's expulsion. You should be very proud of your friends."

I blink up at her. "What does that mean?"

"It means they're having a meeting about whether he should be reinstated. They just need one thing..."

"What's that?"

"A statement, from you, explaining what happened."

I sink back into my bed. "I have to tell them... everything?"

Ma's hand soothingly rubs my arm as she nods. "Yes."

I curl up into a ball and bury my face into my pillow, wishing I could go back in time to when everything wasn't so damn complicated.

***

I finally snap myself back to reality, not that it is a place I want to be right now.

Ma forces me to shave and get a haircut, saying I look like too feral to be a 'Browning', which made me laugh, a little, even though laughing is the last thing I want to be doing.

We spend the Sunday clothes shopping and going out for lunch, which was really nice. Ma and I haven't hung out much like that for a while.

I give in and try to ring Jake, but his phone rings out. When I don't hear from him, I push thoughts of him to the back of my mind and tell myself to deal with it later.