Remember Who You Are - Ziam (TopZayn)

Chapter 9

     Liam never knew he could count the hues of black. It was the only layer of vision but he knew he could see. Once in a while a lighter shade would cut through the black sea. He wasn't sure how much time passed but things changed. The hole beneath him wasn't dragging him down anymore and now he could feel the semi-soft material of bedsheets. Cold breeze was swaying around but he wasn't shivering. His body was too weak even for that. His leg felt heavy, as if it was tied to a huge rock but it was partially numb, at least. This was the last peaceful moment he'd take with him forever as a memoir of his brief life. Liam's soul was at ease. Before the war he knew nobody would notice if one day he just disappeared. And now, at the moment so close to death, he finally felt like it changed. The rest of the world would never know, would never care, but there they were - four young men that would mention his name in their long, repetitive youth stories. Liam could already hear the varying versions: Niall's excited, rich descriptions, Harry's abstraction, lacking most of the violence, Louis' humor and the concentration on the same violent themes Harry would try so hard to avoid, and Zayn's... Zayn would forever remain a mystery Liam didn't get to crack. Zayn might stay forever silent while the lads would remember this was as a part of their pasts. 

     Liam's floating thoughts collapsed together when something rougher than his hair touched his forehead. Nobody told him clouds were so heavy in heaven. But maybe it wasn't a piece of cloud. Maybe he finally did it! All his childhood he collected fallen feathers, so he could fly and maybe now he got to the skies with the wings he didn't notice on his back! Maybe there were the fingers of another angel waking him, waiting to be his guide in the undying kingdom of the God. Liam was too etherized to calculate the possibilities of his thoughts. His senses were now operated by the pure childish instincts that hurried to open his eyes and discover what angels looked like. His breathing quickened and he forced his eyelids part like gates, allowing the blurry light in. He couldn't focus on anything for several seconds and just let the unclear circles roam around his viewing zone. He stared in amazement at the clear bright light. But as his eyes slowly regained clarity the perfect brightness gave its place to mixed shapes and colors, too complex and too dull. As the shapes connected like a mosaic, a figure appeared. The guardian angel? Since when did guardian angels wear jackets? Since when did they conceal their mighty wings and hunched tiredly on the bedside? And then the face illuminated. Liam wasn't wrong after all. It was his guardian angel that fell at the battle earlier and waited for him to join in the universe different from the first. It was the commander whose name would be the last thing that left Liam's mouth. 

     The slight change of pulse triggered Zayn's motionless form, and he looked around, noticing he stopped moving for a while. It's been hours, almost a whole day, since he found himself hovering over the unconscious body, and there were too many questions and answers busying his brain. But he finally felt it. He finally felt the tiniest signs of life. As he carefully reached closer, he saw Liam's dazed smile. The pain would soon kick in but now Zayn could lie to himself into believing that Liam was fine. As his torso moved forward and the light behind him played its games, Liam's belief in heaven welcoming him only deepened. Zayn's hands instinctively went up to hold Liam's cold cheek, making him finally shiver and blink. Without noticing Liam's own hands heavily traveled up and clang to Zayn's arm, fearing to lose the contact. Seconds passed and the two silently stared into their reflections in each other's eyes. Liam's nervous breathing pattern calmed down, as his mind focused on Zayn's tender fingers brushing sideways in a soothing motion. It sobered his clouded mind, and he just started seeing details: the bed, the bandaged leg, the uniforms, the guns... Looked like he didn't leave the world without souvenirs. He frowned at the absurd thought and along with the soon-to-be-felt pain, his logic provoked. These weren't life souvenirs. These were life itself. He was laid in a bed, his leg bandaged, his uniform folded, the commander by his side. But what was more important to Liam than overcoming death was the realization that Zayn was alive. And that was the peak point that collected him back, pulling his physical and mental sensitivity together. 

- Zayn! - he finally whispered and squeezed the man's hand. 

     His weak voice reached his own ears and the comforting warmth coming from Zayn's palm pushed him right back to reality.

- I'm here, Li. I'm right here. - Zayn assured, careful with each breath he took.

     The horrid images of Zayn running toward the German soldiers rose in Liam's memory.

- I thought you weren't going to return. - he sighed. 

     His  eyes didn't leave Zayn's, not even when the cold frozen tears finally fell, swimming between Zayn's fingers. 

- I will always return. I promise you that. - Zayn answered. 

     His voice wasn't loud but it was firm and persuasive. It was the voice Liam couldn't question. And Zayn's quiet promise was enough to forget all the nightmare he faced in such a short time. Liam turned his face away, as his muscles started to cramp. The numb effect of the medicine washed off completely, and Liam's veins tensed as he tried to hide the pain. But Zayn wasn't oblivious. All he could do to help was run his fingers along the flesh softly and distract the lad. Liam focused on that and soon the distraction wasn't so hard to gain, as Louis stormed in with Harry and Niall. His anger was so high, he didn't even realize Liam woke up. The other two sighed in relief and walked closer. Louis was walking back and force in fury and throwing every curse word that existed in his rich vocabulary. Zayn waited and waited, still working on nurturing the leg, but soon he lost his patience and demanded Louis to stop. Louis stood in his spot and faced Zayn fully. He finally saw Liam's body moving in discomfort, and that pushed him to talk, as one of his biggest fears disappeared. At least he knew they were past the unconscious state. 

- They want to send him away! They argue like it's for Liam's own benefit but we're not the stupidest folk here, Zayn. They are just trying to get rid of everybody that can't fight anymore. You know what they are saying? It's not safe for him to stay here. But they just don't want to look after him anymore. What are they going to do? Take him back and make sure he is fine? They are just going to take him to the town and tell us fairy tales about how they solved everything. Just like when they collected all the guys from the streets, like there was any moral reasoning behind that. They couldn't care less about Liam and the fact that he has nowhere to go. What is he going to do? He has nobody back there, no place, and now, one hurt leg. 

     The words left Louis' mouth like poison and the boys could see how stressed he was. Niall and Harry were with him, witnessing his fights and arguments, while Zayn was in the tent. But now Louis was trying to find hope and he was failing. All he could do was talk it out. It was hard protecting your friends when you didn't find the right way yet. And it was stressing Louis more than the battle did. Liam tuned out the pain and tried to think of a way. After all, it was his problem. But no matter how much he wanted to come up with an idea, there was nothing that would assure them. He was terrified. The four men were the only source of safety that life offered him. And now he was going to be taken back. Harry and Niall were in their own drowning thoughts but they didn't find answers either. Only Zayn didn't seem bothered. He continued caressing the wounded leg and added pressure gradually to stretch the muscles. 

- Liam is not going anywhere. - he concluded.