Is This Really Real? (Billie Eilish)

Chapter |10|

Billie's Point of View:

I got to Elle's and the twins place fairly quick after I said my goodbyes to Danielle and the few other friends that ended up staying the night at Danielle's with me. The entire drive I tried to think of how apologizing and explaining what happened would go, but my mind had gone to the worst.

Once I parked my car in the parking lot I made my way to the apartment I was really familiar with now. I ran my fingers through my hair, pushing the hair to one side before knocking on the black and white door. The sound of soft footsteps was what I had heard before the door opened, revealing a what seemed to be stressed out Isaac.

"Hey," he greeted opening his arms for a hug, I walked into his arms, wrapping my arms around is torso. "How was the drive?"

Pulling away I made my way inside the apartment. "The drive wasn't actually as bad as it usually is, I got here pretty quick because there wasn't any traffic." I explained as I looked around, not seeing Elle I figured she was in her room.

"Just a little warning before you go and talk to Elle, she's not having a great day," a frown immediately played on my face at this news and before I could ask why Isaac continued speaking. "She won't talk to us about it, she's really not in a good mood. I haven't seen her like this in a long time."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "Is this why you seem so stressed? I could tell as soon as you opened the door." He nodded his head sighing.

"She won't even come out of her room Bil, I bought donuts, her favorite kind and she didn't come and get one. She didn't even want me to bring one to her! That's not all but I just don't think we should talk about the rest." It was abnormal because donuts usually make her feel better, whether she was sad or mad. I'm beginning to get a little worried about what's going on.

"I'm going to talk to her," I said making my way towards her room but a pair of hands kept me from doing so. "What?"

"She has this soft spot for you, maybe she'll talk to you?Be sweet, apologize." Nodding my head I continued my way to Elle's bedroom, once I got there I knocked on her door.

"I don't want a donut Isaac, just go away!" The sound of her voice wasn't the usual tone, her voice was heavy and she sounded congested like she had been crying.
Ignoring what she had just said I slowly opened the door to her room only to see the brunette with her face in her hands, the sight of her like this broke my heart.

"Hey.." I greeted slowly, immediately Elle had lifted her head from her hands and looked at me with surprise. This was an unusual sight, her eyes were red indicating that my assumption about her crying was right. There were tear stains on her tanned skin, she looked so fragile and all I wanted to do was hold her and ask her what was wrong.

"Why are you here?" Her voice cracked and I tried to think of the right thing to say but my mouth moved before my mind could even come up with the right thing to say.

"I came here to apologize to you about yesterday, but seeing you like this, I want to be here for you no matter what we're going through or what you're going through. I wanna be that shoulder you can cry on."

Huffing Elle shook her head, "I left you on read for a reason Billie, I-"

"-I know you left me on read for a reason Elle, but I wasn't just going to let you ignore me because I need to apologize to you or I'll go insane," I cut her off, she opened her mouth but then closed it not being able to think of anything to say, so I took this as my chance to continue. "I know you think I just ditched you last night at the barbecue, I didn't mean to ditch you. I hadn't planned on being away from you that entire time, I went on a walk with a few friends and I swear I only thought it would be just a few minutes but time slipped from me."

The brunette sat there listening to what I have to say, she was waiting for me to continue so I do. "My friend Zerin was telling me about his break up and I didn't think about how long we had been gone and I ended up getting high-" now it was Elle's turn to cut me off.

"You what?!" The surprise was evident in her voice, I shook my head, a frown on my features. "Billie, weed isn't something you should do. You're an influencer now, you can't just do that out in some rich fucking neighborhood or anywhere public! What if the paparazzi were around? That wouldn't have gone well for you and your career and you know it. Not to mention the fact that I don't like drugs, you're too young to even be smoking weed."

I'm sure she knew a lot of teens smoke weed, but is focusing on me doing it and the outcome it'll have on me and not anybody else. This is making me feel like shit, I don't understand how she could care for me more than I can care about myself. Sometimes I don't wanna be myself anymore, I have too much going on and a part of me wants my old life back... but I know that's not going to happen.

"I know." Was all I could say, I knew I shouldn't have done it, it was almost a year since I smoked weed to begin with.

"I'm not your mom Billie, I shouldn't have to tell you this, you should already know." She said harshly and I sighed nodding my head.  After a moment of silence I was going to open my mouth to say something but Elle beat me to it. "I don't think I can keep doing this."

A lump instantly growing in my throat and my mind jumped to a conclusion, the reason I don't to date."You don't want me anymore?"

"No.. Billie I'm not saying that, I just," an exasperated sigh escaped her lips. "I can't keep doing this in between shit, I just can't. I know that you don't do relationships because commitment isn't something you do, I don't know what you want and it's stressing me the hell out." The brunette ran both of her hands through her hair.  "I don't want to get hurt again."