Epilogue

Tonight

It is 10:34 pm and we are fighting again.
You fall asleep angry and I lie awake waiting for something to change.
It is 11:26 pm and it is difficult to recall the last time we didn't feel like colliding stars or imploding black holes.
There is this constant push and pull between us, and I lie on my side hoping something will change.
It is midnight and I think you have forgotten who I am.
I think about the way you see me and how I see myself. I lie on my back thinking of the ways I can change.
It is 1:47 am and I feel anger boiling in my gut.
You are making it hard to breath and all my words get caught in my throat. I lie on my stomach thinking of ways you can change.
It is 2:12 am and all the anger has turned to nostalgia.
I remember all the times you cradled me in your arms and all the nights you would have been awake comforting me right now. I lie quietly thinking of how to make this better.
It is 3:02 am and I am trying to find solace in amnesia.
I try to forget the times your hands stained my chest, back and arms. I lie to myself beneath my breath in fear that you might hear these false hopes.
It is 4:37 am and I am crying.
All I can do is ask that you try and remember what it was like to love me. To remember what it's like to feel something when you look in my eyes. I lie there tired, and in need of sleep.
It is 5:07 am and I am falling asleep.
I hope things will be better. That you will realize your mistakes as I have found mine. I hope we both have the courage to forgive each other. I lie down, asleep.
It is 11 in the morning and I receive a message from you.