Epilogue

I Love You More

Dear Love,

This is not to say you love me less, but to say that I truly believe that I love you more and if you are able to prove me wrong this would be the perfect time to do so.
This is to those who know this message is for them, and for all the people who came before that will never lay eyes on these words.
This is a message to those I love and have loved:
I love you more.
This is for the countless messages I sent in support of you that are left unopened or with no reply.
This is for every "I love you" I never got back.
This is for every call I make with no answer, This is for every time I have reached to you and you didn't reach back.
I feel that I only exist to you when you need me to.
Because every call and message I receive is when you need me and not when you love me.
I tend to be forgotten unless I'm in the room or making the effort to be seen.
I am convinced that you should never need a person in your life, but I am also convinced that I want you in mine.
And right now, in this moment, I don't think you want me in yours, and this is what I mean when I say I love you more.
This is for every time this relationship has felt like an obligation or burden to you while it has felt like a support to me.
For talking to you was never something that felt wrong, and I wish you could say the same.
What you do not understand is that these problems extend past our relationship.
This was never about what we are and aren't, this is about me and you.
It's about who we are as people beyond what we may call "me and you", what we call "this", what we call ourselves.
If I feel like an obligation to you now, then changing the label will not fix the problem.
By now you may be wondering how to fix this problem, and that is for you to find out.
Just as there are things that you don't understand about me, there are things I will not understand about you.
I will always be here because I want to be. I will always stand this ground and hold my hand out even when it hurts because I want to be here.
Because I believe that you are something worth fighting for.
When you are able to realize that holding my hand is not an obligation to fulfill is when things will resolve.
When you call me to hear my voice or see my smile is when things will resolve.
When you want me here like I want you here is when things will resolve.
You don't want me to be a part of your life, you only need me in a part of it, and that is the problem is that I don't need you in my life my love but I want you in it.
You need time to yourself, and I understand that.
We both understand that you are not yourself like this.
Know that being alone doesn't mean you have to throw out the things we've worked on.
Know that I'm here when you want me, but it's okay if you don't.
I love you, and I always will.

Love,
Jeanne