Limited

[Three]

September 29th 2012

 Dear Diary,

 Six days.

That’s the total amount of days that I have left of my life, well, that’s what the doctors say anyway. It’s also the amount of days that Thomas has left to take me on four more dates.

As the days pass by, I become more frightened, and much more upset. I could feel myself getting weaker, and slipping away.

I can also sense that Thomas is becoming more upset, and scared. No matter how hard he’s trying to hold it in, and hide it, I know that’s what he’s feeling.

Every now and then I can see his leg bouncing anxiously, and a tear escaping his eye when he thinks that I am asleep. I try not to cry, but when he finally falls asleep, I can’t help but let a few tears escape, and sob silently. I pray that he doesn’t hear me because I know it will only hurt him more to see me crying.

I don’t want to die. I’m definitely not ready, and I am definitely terrified. I get pains every now and then, but I don’t tell anyone besides the doctors, and nurses when I’m alone. I don’t want to be treated like I’m dying. I want to be treated like a normal person.

Thomas is doing a good job at making me feel normal. The more time that passes, the more time he spends here with me. I am definitely not complaining, not one bit. I’m extremely grateful, and I love spending every moment with him, but I’m worried that he isn’t looking after himself properly.

He’s sleeping in the hard plastic chair night after night, and eating the horrible cafeteria food at the hospital. He doesn’t see our friends, except for when they come in to visit me.

He says that he doesn’t need to see anyone but me, and that he is doing perfectly fine. Although that makes me insanely happy, and gives me a warm, and fuzzy feeling inside, it doesn’t stop me from worrying.

Today he sat with me all day, just hanging out, watching movies, and talking. We were having a date tonight, but I didn’t have any clue what the date was. Thomas wouldn’t tell me a thing about it, other than the fact that we had to wait until it got dark outside for the date to start.

My curiosity got the best of me, and I asked him why he was here if he needed to get things ready for the date.

His answer was that we already had everything we needed in the duffle bag he had brought back with him last night.

To be honest, I was happy that I would be able to help him with it tonight. I hated that I just sat here doing nothing all the time.

As I got weaker, the doctors put more restrictions on what I could and could not do. There wasn’t much that I could do besides walking around, so I’m quite amazed that Thomas hasn’t gotten bored yet.

He never seemed to get bored with me, no matter what. I often got really worried that he eventually would get bored and he would leave me. I mean, I’m dying anyway; it would only bring him the same ending quicker.

Even on the nights before I was admitted to the hospital, when all I wanted to do was sit in the forest by my house, he just sat with me, playing with my hair until I was ready to go home.

As soon as it was dark outside, he told me that we could get the things ready. I grinned and jumped out of my bed in excitement, feeling slightly dizzy, but not wanting to let Thomas know. I knew that if he found out, he wouldn’t let me do anything and would force me to get back in to bed.