The Wolf's Daughter

21 - Little Talks

How could she not hate him? How could she not absolutely despise him for all he'd ever done to her? Peeling the rabbit skin away from the flesh, I muttered nonsense to myself under my breath. It made no sense. None of it did. I couldn't wrap my head around it. My gaze would occasionally flit up over the fire to watch as dad tended to mom, his hands coated in her blood and yucca sap. He'd gently apply the healing agent to her wounds and murmur quiet words to her, easing any insecurities she had. Mom's face was a picture of trusting admiration, her eyes filled with pure love for him. How could this be the man who tortured innocent people? Who murdered and consumed his own friend? Who let mom starve for days on end until she was on the brink of death? Shaking my head, I stabbed pointed sticks through the bodies of the skinned rabbits and hung them over the fire to cook. My fingers slowly turned them round and round in a circle until the skin was brown and crispy. Handing two to dad over the flames, he immediately gave them both to mom.

'What about you?' I asked, hunkering down with my own rabbit.

'She needs it more than me.' He stated simply, as though the answer was obvious. Biting into the browned flesh, I lowered my gaze again and sighed a little. I couldn't make heads nor tails of this situation.

Once we'd finished eating, dad insisted we continue on our way back to Prosperity. Mom's wounds were severe and whilst the yucca sap would numb the pain, it certainly wasn't going to heal her. Despite dad's protests, mom persisted and walked all the way back unaided though she was slow and gave the occasional curse under her breath. Relief flooded through me once we finally made it back to the village and the gates opened. It finally felt like we were safe. As we walked across the courtyard, I started to notice that everyone seemed very quiet. Solemn even. Peeling away from my parents, I approached Carmina who sat with her head in her hands atop one of the large rubber tyres in the training ground.

'Hey.' I said quietly, taking a seat beside her.

'Oh! I didn't realise you were back.' She sniffed hard and I could see from the glisten of her cheeks that she'd been crying. 'Did you find your mom?'

'Yeah. Dad's taken her to the infirmary.' There was a brief silence. 'What's going on?' I asked and Carmina let out a soft sob. Worried, I put an arm over her shoulders and rubbed her arm.

'The twins... they killed Rush.' She burbled, burying her face in her hands again. Her cries got louder and I sat there, unsure of what to say or do.

'Jesus Christ. Is Silver okay?' Rubbing circles into my best friend's shoulder, she gave a long exhale and lifted her face again.

'He was there. Saw it happen. We had a service a few hours ago but Silver hasn't moved from the grave since.' She pointed round to the back of the house and I could just make out his skinny frame staring down at the floor. My attention was drawn to the infirmary as dad exited, shoving his hands in his pockets and disappearing inside the main house. 'I'm just going to go check on mom really quick. You gonna be okay?'

'Yeah of course! Go, your mom needs you.' Carmina put on a brave face and I gave her a big hug before heading inside. Selene was checking a few things off a clipboard before placing it on her table.

'I'll go take a look at the stocks and see if we've got anything stronger to numb the pain a bit.' Ducking past me, the doctor left and I took my chance to approach. Mom smiled at me, patting the end of the bed with her foot to signal for me to sit.

'How are you feeling?' I asked, perching neatly on the edge of the camp bed.

'I've been better but I'll survive.' She gave an airy laugh. 'What about you?' Her question made me shift on the spot, staring into my lap. 'Heard you and dad had a falling out. What's that all about?'

'Do we have to talk about this?' Rubbing my arm anxiously, I kept my gaze fixed down.

'Yes we do considering you shot him in the leg.' Mom's voice was stern but soft. She reached over and took my hand into her own to stop me from rubbing my arm.

'I didn't mean to. I just got so caught up in everything that was happening and I just didn't know what to do... I really hurt him mom.' A thick lump bulged inside my throat and I struggled to swallow. She considered me for a moment, before sitting upright and pulling me to her. My back rested against her chest and she started to gently plait my hair with nimble fingers.

'Y'know, I shot him so many times once that he almost died.' I felt her fingertips graze the back of my neck as she collected my strands of ginger hair up. 'Seems like his two favourite people in the world are a little too trigger happy hm?'

'All I wanted was to know who I was. And he lied mom. He lied to me. And then Joseph showed me everything-'

'Everything?' She hummed, layering the strands over each other neatly.

'Well I guess so, he showed me dad torturing you in those cages with that music box.'

'Your father endured a lot when he was in the military. Things that no person should ever have to experience. All of it still has a hold on him today. Not just the nightmares you hear at night but in the day as well. Certain things just set him off. Now, does that excuse what he did to me?' She paused, twirling a finger through my hair. 'Of course it doesn't and I still haven't forgiven him for that. But that doesn't mean I don't love him. Y'know every time I came out of one of those trials, I was safe. He'd clean me up, get me fed and let me go. For your dad back then, that was huge. Absolutely massive.'

'But what about when he found out you were pregnant with me? He said he didn't want anything to do with us...' I interrupted, leaning into her chest and feeling her heart steadily beat against my spine.

'Oh darling.' Mom tied off the plait with a hairband from her wrist before threading her arms around me and planting a kiss to my head. 'He was just scared. Petrified actually. Your dad didn't have a good childhood. His own father abused the hell out of him and his brothers. Jacob took the brunt of it because he was the eldest and he felt the need to protect them. When I told him we were having you, all he could think about was how he didn't want to fuck up and become his own father. He wanted to be the perfect dad and by hell he was.' Mom chuckled as she reminisced. 'I wasn't allowed a damn drop of coffee incase you came out with two heads and three legs. And the first time he felt you kick, wow, I'd never seen him smile that before. Did we ever tell you that he delivered you too? He wanted to be the first to hold you in his arms.'

'I've been so stupid...' Tears tugged at my eyes and I strained to keep them under wraps.

'Hey now, we're partly to blame. We should've been honest with you from the start.' Mom hugged me close, leaning her head against my own. 'All he ever wanted was to keep us safe. Keep you safe.' She rocked me gently like I was a baby again.

'I'm sorry.' I wept, unable to keep my upset under wraps.

'It's not me you need to apologise to sweetheart.' Mom breathed, pressing another kiss to the top of my fiery red head. Sniffing hard, I released myself from her embrace and got up. In the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Silver outside the infirmary window.

'Seems like he could use a friend right now.' Mom stated, leaning back into the camp bed. Nodding, I walked outside and joined him by the large mound of dirt. A painted American flag in the shape of a badge was stabbed into the ground, Rush written across it in capitals. Silver said nothing as I came to stop beside him, still staring at the grave as tears melted down his cheeks.

'I was an orphan after the Collapse. I had nothing.' He sniffed hard and I placed a hand on his lower back gently. 'Rush gave me a home. He gave me a purpose. He looked after me. He was like a dad to me.' Silver gave a long exhale, turning to face me and bracing me by the shoulder with one arm. 'For the love of God Wren, whatever is going on with your dad right now, fix it. You never know how much time you've got left and... there was so much I should've told Rush that I didn't.' His grip on me grew slack and his eyes wandered back to the grave. 'Don't take him for granted.'

I didn't know how to respond. My heart rattled in my chest and I looked back at the house. What would I even say to him? What would he say to me? Would he even want to talk to me? My hands fumbled in my raincoat pockets, pinching at the fabric. Then I had it. A perfect idea. Giving Silver a final pat on the back, I darted off towards the cartography building. I was gonna need supplies.