Before I was a Light

Chapter 4

~~1 Year

~Virgil

Our host is developing more into a teen. I notice that he isn't into girls and I know he likes guys.

I have started to avoid everyone because of my anxiety or I'm started to become more paranoid. I'm sure the guys beyond the white door don't remember who I am. I slump down the door. The guy in the orange beats me every time I step outside my door. So, I just stay in my room. I have been eating very little, ever since I arrived.

I thought I would be apart of something greater but I guess I'm a villain of villains.  I'm the bad guy. I have to stop him from beating me or I might die. Oh well I guess.

I walked out of my room and saw him. The mystery guy or the man in orange. He seems to be on edge. I might be the one causing it but I want him to pay. I need him to pay. He saw me and started to run towards me. I use my energy to push him back. I saw a little door opening. I push him inside and lock it. The door disappear. I fell to my knees. I saw De and Remus.

"Anxiety, what did you do?" They asked.

"I did what needed to be done," I said with no emotion.

"Okay, Mr. Scary," Remus said, walking away. I nodded and headed back to my room.

"Virgil," De said, grabbing my arms. I flinch and shock.

"How do you know my name?" I asked.

"I heard it, when you was talking yourself down. One night," De said.

"Okay, whatever," I said, walking to my room. I watch the guys from the white door doing their things. I saw them trying to keep our host happy and calm. I want to be like them. I wish I could be like them. I walked back to my bathroom and saw myself. I looked bad. 'I'm the bad guy.I don't want to look like  the bad guy. He's right,  I'm a bad guy and always will. Maybe I should show them. What I can do but then they don't like me.'

I jumped on my bed. 'I know that they hate me. I hate me. Fuck'. I felt my heart racing. Everything is spinning. I curled up into a ball hoping it would stop.

~Time skip

I woke up on the floor. I got up in pain but I'm alive guess. I walked over towards my door. I stopped.  What if he still out there? I thought. I look out and saw our host acting like he likes a girl. I slam my hand on my head. 

"Oh Thomas," I whispered. I walked out and went into the control room. I saw them glaring at me. Logic and Princey are just glaring at me. Patton was waving. I slump lower in my chair. I saw our host about to talking to this girl but gave him a reason why they can't hangout. Thomas did what I wanted him to do. I was glad but they were not besides Patton. He was just confused. I sighed and got up and left to get some coffee. I came back.

Thomas was day dreaming how life should be. I smile at this. I love how Princey show Thomas fantasy and I love their fantasy. I know Princey would never love or even like me. Not after what I've done. I hate myself. I lost myself for being the bad guy. I'm only the bad guy to make our host and them listen to me. Even the dark sides can't say no to me.

De can shut me up. Remus can make me paranoid. The other one, I don't want to talk about. I saw Thomas doodling. I saw the teacher say something. I made Thomas focus on it because it might be on a test.

"Can you stop that?" Princey yelled. I flinch and shook my head.

"Sorry, can't it's my job," I mumbled.

"Whatever," he said, crossing his arms. I look over and saw Logic and Patton waving at me. The host was back to day dream. I sighed and rolled my eyes. I guess I let them do what they want for rest of the day. I'll just watch and help out if need. Thomas was walking to join the theater. Roman took control and signed him up. I felt all types of bad but I guess it doesn't hurt to try.  

~Time skip

Today was the day for auditions. Thomas been practicing. I know he can take this himself he also got Princey. I like Princey but I will never tell.  Princey took over. I saw a lot of passion go into the his part. I know I did a right choice. I got up and left. I headed back to my room. I heard that there was going to be a party. I ran back to the control room. I thought things that could go wrong. De walked in and told Thomas lies.  Princey glared at me. I got up and headed back to my room again.

"I know they hate me," I whispered. I looked down at my arms. I have been clean for a year. I don't want anyone to know.  I looked around and felt someone else was in the room. I saw something green, "REMUS! GET OUT!" I said, slamming him against the wall outside of my room. I shut my door and locked it.

"Sorry, Virgil. I had to see your room," He said, eating deodorant.

"Can you not eat that in front of me?" I said, covering my eyes.

"No can do, but I should warn you," Remus said. Then suddenly butts was falling from my ceiling. I started to panic which in result causing a massive panic that the host would probably feel. It won't be as bad as mine but he will feel it. I pushed Remus out of the room again and locked. I walked shakenly to the bathroom. I grabbed a blade. 'Do I really want to do this?' I dropped the blade and walked back out. I walked over towards the white door that is officially is locked.  I sighed hearing them laugh.  I curled up in a ball hoping there some good behind this.

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