destiel oneshots- fluff and smut

10 (fluff)

    i grew up hating the kids that made something out of nothing. i hated the kids who could look a picture of a person and think of all the descriptive acts they wanted to do to them. i thought they were disgusting for looking at a person and having some sort of overarching feeling about them. they wanted to touch them, they wanted something from them, and soon that "want" would turn into "need", and the "need" would turn into an expectation.
i walked into my sixth grade class on the first day of school and my teacher was something of the sort out of a picture book. out of a fairytale, he looked as someone who had just walked out of a princess's castle. having seen this happen a million times over and never experienced it, i was overwhelmed. i sat down in my little blue plastic school chair but remained staring at him.
deep in my heart i could feel the uncomfortable feeling of him suddenly looking over and seeing me staring at him. i got all red and scratched the back of my neck.
some sort of sweet innocence in that experience brought me here, in the living room of the bunker, driving my fingernails into the leather fabric of the big brown arm chair. i was facing a bookshelf, but i knew if i turned around i would come face to face with someone who would make me feel that some sort of way.
i bounced my knee when he started humming. and stopped when i heard him come closer to me.
i felt a strong grip on the back of the chair, it pulled me backwards and i came face to face with the someone.
i stared up at him in a deadpan flat smile, he wasn't even looking down at me, but when my facial expression didn't change he did. he made that beautiful smile ive only seen on him, where his smile grows like a mile a minute and his eyes squint. he usually does it when we've been staring at each other for a long time, my face turns red and he makes that smile, and it makes my heart rate speed up and my arm muscles tense up. then he winks and sucks the smile back into his mouth before leaving the room. but he didn't wink this time because he didn't leave. he looked down at me and raised his eyebrows.
"you look scared."
i moved my head up and faced the bookshelf so that he would move.
"not scared," i turned the chair around to face him.
"i'm just in a difficult place i guess."
that's what i had told him last time he asked me how i was doing. i was trying so hard to be as genuine as possible but it was growing increasingly difficult.
countless hours spent laying awake at night, balling up my blankets to pretend as though there's someone lying next to me. touching my hand against my own face to see if anything's changed, to see if i still have to endure this horrible feeling of wanting, which would soon turn into needing. some nights i would think about him. his face shape was masculine and yet he had the curviest hips i'd ever seen on a man, it was almost feminine. it made my fingers and toes curl thinking about running my hand down his side, making my hair stand straight up thinking of the things i would say to him.
most of the things i thought of i had to force myself to make very vanilla and fake because bringing a sense of geniality to the picture would make it too real and make me feel like a bad person. imagining the things i would do to him made me feel like an unsafe person. like i needed to be locked up.
i stared at his feet, then my own feet, which i moved to cross over each other.
"that's what you said last time, i still don't know what that means."
i looked at his face and moved my lips to the left side of my face.
"i just feel unsettled, i guess."
"you guess. you keep saying you guess. why are you sad, dean?"
i moved to lean back when i heard him say my name. it wasn't even something inherently sexual, i knew that. he got up closer to me and sighed and i could feel his hot breath, even from sitting down.
"are you alright?" he put his hand on my shoulder and i shuddered.
"i'm fine, i'm just."
he shook his head and bent down to eye level with me. i turned away to the floor and he put his hand on the bottom of my jaw. my face turned bright pink and i felt it turn that color because i heated up quickly. he gave me a sad look.
"it's too human,"
he shook his head and smirked.
"i don't think there's any feeling that can't be shared mutually between human and angel."
i let a puff of air flow from my mouth to the general direction of the floor and looked up at him. i stared at his eyes. they were big and blue and made my pupils dilate.
"dean," i shook my head and looked away.
"i wish there wasn't such a stigma around how people feel about other people, and expressing those feelings around them. i wish i was alright with having this feeling inside me, constantly," i stood from the chair and moved a little away from him.
"it's like every time i think about it it ruins every other thought in my mind, and i sound insane talking about it so i can't, and i don't with sam or you or anyone," i shook my head.
"i wish i could look into your eyes and see some sort of indication that makes me know for sure that you feel this same way, i want to see in your smile that you have these feelings too and you want to share them with me-" i was cut off by his mouth.
i saw him walk up close to me and yet it didn't hit me what he was going to do before he did it.
i felt his mouth, so soft and gentle, his bottom lip touched my bottom lip, and he didn't know exactly how to kiss but he breathed out passionately and i half opened my mouth.
i let my hands fall to his sides, and then drag one up, trailing along his white button up.
his lips tasted like almonds, or coffee i guess because he drank it so much. his bottom lip slipped into my mouth and i sucked on it.
i felt him smile into the kiss and i gently pushed off him to look at him.
he reached his left hand up, gently up my arm, and shoulder, then he touched the skin on my face and i felt warm and safe.
i wrapped my arm around his back and smiled, and blushed while staring at him. i must have looked surprised, and my heart was pounding.
"when i stare at you i feel it, undeniably." he finally said, so softly and clearly.
"it used to be like hints of blue sky between foggy white clouds but now i can see it clearly." he shook his head and his eyebrows parted downwards.
"i know friends say things sometimes that they're not supposed to say because of some construct but i think that construct deserves some sort of resignation by now, if it's brought you this much stress." i smiled at him, listening to him speak now was so soothing and comforting.
"i know how you feel about intimacy and so i'm sorry when i say that the way i feel about you, dean, is like the sun to it's rise and fall," i shook my head and read the seeming script behind his eyes. i ran my thumb over his hair as the rest of my hand rested on his temple. he bit his lip.
"my closeness to you is something i've never felt ashamed of and it hurts me physically to know that you've felt the same way and never felt safe enough to tell me."
i touched his eyebrow and kissed him again, just above his lip.
"i love you, so much." he finally said. it was like a bell was ringing in my head, it felt so surreal. and we were speaking in whispers in this big empty bunker. it felt as though we were in the same universe, alone.
he touched the back of my head and leaned his forehead into mine.
"i love you too." i finally whispered. i wanted this to mean something, more than anything, and i am so glad it does. he leaned in and i smiled into his lips.