Greed and Despond (Ban x Sin!Reader)

78

It had taken nearly an hour to convince Diane that I was okay. I had stopped crying after about twenty minutes, and she refused to leave. If I hadn't told her I was tired and going to sleep, I think she would've stayed with me for the rest of the day. She stayed fifteen minutes after I had 'fallen asleep,' just to make sure I was okay, before returning to her own business. After hearing the door close behind her, I breathed a sigh of relief, sitting up and leaning my head against the wall.

Telling her everything was... difficult, but not as hard as I thought it would be. The whole thing came tumbling out before I could even think about who I was talking to. It wasn't fun feeling the long-forgotten wounds burst open once again, and I couldn't help but feel the guilt, which bubbled in my stomach, rise up again, nearly choking on it as it piled out of my throat. Somehow, even though I felt awful, sick to my stomach, amongst an array of not-so-fun emotions, I felt relief most prominently.

It was... nice getting all of that off my chest- like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders after digging into my skin for so many long, painful years. It was good to finally tell someone the whole story, beginning to end.

I felt tears begin to fall down my cheeks. I didn't try to wipe them, or stop them from falling onto my new, nearly unbreakable, outfit. I didn't even acknowledge them.

I was upset- rightfully so, might I add. I'm not sure what specifically I'm upset about, but I'm upset. In the past day alone, the people who ruined my life and destroyed everyone I loved had returned, back with a vengeance and the blood of my family on their hands. Not only that, but of the two people who stand a chance against them, one is at a fraction of their power, while the other is missing. I know countless people are going to die- lose their souls to the unholy evil soaring toward us. I also know that it's going to be my fault, because I can't protect them. Of course, on top of all that, the man of my friggin dreams left for another...

I breathed shakily, looking over at the unoccupied bed across the room from me.

"Why did he leave?" I asked myself, voice almost silent. "All the things I think... I know they're exaggerations... so why was it so bad being with me?"

Ha, even when the world's impending doom is looming over me, I still can only think about being dumped. What a wimp.

I shuffled quietly, hugging my knees closer to my chest, sighing shakily.

"What am I doing...?" I breathed, wiping away the tears form my cheeks. I truly didn't understand why I'm like this.

I don't get why I always do this- lock myself away, hoping and praying someone will find me and comfort me and hug me, all while knowing they never will.

Why do I always doubt myself? I'm powerful, I know I am. I'm smart, and I may not be the prettiest bean in the questionably microwavable can, but at least I'm not the deformed, burnt one. I'm annoyingly eccentric, infectiously outgoing, and a complete dumbass, but at least sometimes it's endearing.

God, cheering myself up sure sounds like narcissism...

"Fuck Ban..." I whispered quietly, furrowing my brows. "Fuck Ban!"

I huffed, throwing myself out of the bed and slamming open the door.

Fuck being sad. Fuck all this self deprecative bull. Fuck my self esteem. Fuck the Ten Commandments- I'll kick every single one of their asses. Fuck everyone who doubts me. Fuck caring.

"And most of all, fuck Ban!" I growled, slapping my cheeks as I walked down the stairs. "Be happy, you idiot! Smile! The world is great!"

I have Diane. I have King. I have Meli. I have Merlin. I have Ellie, and Hawk, and Hauser, and Guila. I have so many people to protect and care about and love. One one guy matter does not more than everyone else.

I'm a badass and a bitch. I don't care what anyone thinks and I'm going to kill anyone who hurts the people I care about.

I'm going to be strong. Strong and confident. I'm going to get drunk and sing my heart out while eating everything in sight. I'm going to flirt with random guys because I can, and have the time of my life. I'm going to stop caring so much about what's wrong with me, and focus on the good parts.

"I am (y/n) (l/n), the Raven Sin of goddamn Despond and I'm not going to be pushed around by my stupid, unjustified feelings," I growled, huffing loudly as I jumped to the bottom of the staircase. "I can't fix being sad, but I can sure as hell fix my confidence."

So, I am going to be happy! I'll be the person I've always wanted to be, and let all of my frustrations and grudges go. I can't fix it right away, but it's going to be fixed. I can fight. I can be strong. I can protect everyone I care about. I can let go.

I beamed, stepping out of the Boar Hat with a newfound vigor, a goal in my mind.

"I'll avenge the people I lost," I looked up to the sky, smiling fondly at the floating puffs of condensed water that drifted by, "while still cherishing everyone I have."

• Third Person •

From within her 'lab', Merlin smiled to herself, even after the concerning conversation she had just had. Something in the air has shifted, a new feeling washing over her and filling her with confidence and a sense of easygoing carelessness. Of happiness. It as odd, but refreshing, especially after such a horrifying realization. It felt good to be so invigorated by another's feelings of triumph.

Well done, (y/n), she thought, turning to Meliodas, who was speaking to her. He gave her a questioning glance, but she just smiled the same, condescending smile she always did- though it was simply a cover for her smile of pure joy. For a moment, you had me concerned.

From next to the Boar Hag, a figure retreated, sliding down the brick walls, where if hovered next to the closed window of your room. Their cracked, dehydrated lips curved into a smile, their black cloak dragging behind them as they sulked back to the village. Beneath their cloak, they clutched a small stone, azure in color and glowing softly. The power radiating by the simple exertion was incredible, egged on by your sudden decision of newfound carelessness and devotion to a happy, good life.

I knew you had it in you.