Purpose Will Surface (Compete)

chapter one

my face feels cold and flushed as the cool breeze from the water hits me. i stare down at the rushing water below me, my hands gripping the freezing bars of the bridge i'm on. my mind is clear. this is it. months of contemplating are finally over as i have finally decided to follow through with a plan. i inhale deeply, feeling the overwhelming darkness inside my brain oddly comforting. all light has escaped, only darkness remains. i close my eyes, my grip beginning to loosen on the bar.

"oh shit," i hear suddenly, snapping me out of the trance i was in and forcing me to instinctively tighten my grip again. i glance back behind me quickly, seeing a scrawny looking guy around my age standing there staring at me with a terrified look in his eyes. of fucking course.

"go away," i mutter harshly, immediately turning back to face the darkness in front of me. i hear some shuffling, hoping he's following my command.

"i'm sorry," i hear softly, making my rage grow stronger. "i, um, i'm tyler. joseph. tyler joseph."

"that's great, can you please leave me alone now?" i ask bitterly, tears stinging my eyes as my brain urges me to go through with what we had planned.

"i'm sorry," he says again, and this time i scoff out loud.

"dude, listen. it's fine okay? just go on, pretend you never saw me. there won't be any witnesses, no one will know you left me, okay? just let me do this, i'll be fine," i say quickly, the last 3 words leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. i hear him sigh softly, and hear some more shuffling. i turn around just slightly enough to see that he has gotten even closer to me. my grip tightens as the anger inside of me boils my blood. i just want to get this over with already.

"i know where you are," he said suddenly, so softly i could barely hear him. confusion furrows my eyebrows together, but i refuse to look at him again.

"what?" is all i can mutter out, confused by what he means. i mean of course he knows where i am, we're in the same place. a bridge. in columbus. in november. what isn't there to get?

"i mean, mentally. i'm sorry i'm not trying to overstep, it's just," he sighs again. "my mind takes me to some really dark places, places that want me to be where you are right now."

i don't even know how to respond to this. i continue staring at the water below me, knowing how falling into it would be the absolute end for me.

"what's your name?" he asks, and i accidentally look at him. he has a soft look in his eyes, interrupting the darkness i feel all over my body and tinging it with a slight light feeling. i look away, urging myself to get rid of that feeling. it's bullshit. the light is always bullshit.

"mel. mel brookes," i say shortly, hesitant to even answer his question.

"that's pretty," he says, and i can almost hear him smiling.

"look man, i don't know if you have a thing for girls jumping off of bridges, but this is not the time for pleasantries. i really need you to go. i really need to do this," i say sharply, the tears returning. why am i crying? i've had this planned for weeks, i shouldn't be crying.

"hey mel?" he asks, and him saying my name brings this weird soft feeling to my stomach. "can you look at me?"

his question takes me a little by surprise, but slowly i oblige and take my eyes off the water. i turn to face him, fully taking in his features for the first time. it's dark, so it's hard to see, but i can tell he's handsome. he has scruffy hair, and his nose is red from the cold air surrounding us. he smiles at me lightly as i look at him, and i almost instinctively do the same.

"what do you want from me?" i ask, a bit more harshly than i meant to. he flinches slightly, but the look in his eyes doesn't change. the look that's causing the soft feeling inside of me to grow. the darkness doesn't like that.

"i'd really like to formally meet you, mel. but that's hard to do when you're up there," he says smoothly. my eyes welt up even more with tears, some escaping down my cheek. my hand rushes to wipe them away, not wanting to cry in front of some stranger. his smile instantly fades and turns into the concern he's been masking. he gently holds out a hand, not getting too close to me. the darkness inside of me tells me to ignore him, to just turn around and jump. the darkness that has been controlling me for years, forcing me to do whatever it pleases. but for some reason i slowly lift my legs back over the bars.

my leg gets slightly caught, causing my grip to become unsteady. panic fills me as i feel myself losing my balance, not wanting this to happen by accident. tyler lunges forward, grabbing me under my arms and pulling me towards him. we both fall onto the ground, him breaking my fall. i instantly break into sobs, feeling like a complete idiot. i had everything under control! i had a plan, i was going to finally end my life the way it was supposed to end, then some random kid comes and ruins it! i almost died on accident, for fuck's sake, what a joke.

anger and sadness run through my veins and i can't stop myself from crying. i haven't cried in a while, mainly feeling completely numb after having made up my mind about my plan. tyler's arms wrap around me, and the stranger-danger part of my brain tells me i'm being stupid and to just go home. instead, i curl into him slightly, allowing him to comfort me. no one has done this for me in quite some time, it almost feels wrong.

after a little while, i finally get myself to stop sobbing, being left with the hiccups and a runny nose. i pull away from tyler, not wanting to look him in the eyes.

"i'm so sorry, mel," tyler says softly, one of his hands still lingering on my forearm. i sniffle, hesitantly looking at him. he has this sad, broken look on his face. probably one very similar to what's on my own. i chuckle slightly, surprising myself.

"what are you sorry for? i'm the one who landed on you," i say sarcastically, making him crack a smile too. he laughs loudly, his goofy laugh echoing through the deserted bridge. the soft feeling returns, and i feel a blush on my cheeks as he laughs. what's going on with me?

"that's a fair point. maybe you can make it up to me. want to go grab something to drink and warm up?" tyler asks, standing up and reaching out a hand for me. i wearily grab it, standing up and wiping the snow off of myself. it was freezing, something warm couldn't hurt.

"sure," i say, smiling softly at him. his hand lingers in mine before he quickly pulls away, and i see a blush on his cheeks. does he feel this soft feeling too? what is it?