Purpose Will Surface (Compete)

chapter four

when i woke up, my eyes squinted at the bright room i was in. i looked around to see that i was in a hospital room and that tyler had his head down on the bed next to me. my arm had been bandaged up, but tyler was still holding my hand. i shifted in the bed to sit up a little, causing tyler to shoot his head up next to me. he smiled when he saw me, grabbing me the cup of water that was next to us on the table.

"hi," tyler said softly, handing me the water. i drank some, knowing i must've been dehydrated.

"hi," i returned, my throat dry even after a few sips of water. "i'm sorry tyler."

"i'm sorry i wasn't there," tyler said quickly, squeezing my hand. i shook my head, setting the water back down.

"ty," i said softly, letting go of his hand so i could fumble with my thumbs. i must've been a little loopy, i hadn't called him that before. my cheeks flushed a little at the thought, but when i looked at him he was smiling.

"yes?" he asked, his hand still lingering where ours were connected.

"i wasn't trying to kill myself," i whispered. his smiled faded, but he looked a little relieved. "i wasn't trying to. i didn't mean to go that deep."

"okay," tyler whispered back. "i believe you."

a few hours after i woke up, i was allowed to go home. i had slept through the night, and promised the nurses who were taking care of me that i would look into getting help. i knew, of course, that i couldn't afford this. nor was i interested, but i kept this to myself, as this was a bit of a touchy subject for me for reasons i didn't want to think about. i just didn't want to make anyone else worry about me. tyler drove me home in a car i didn't even know that he had.

"do you, um, do you wanna come in?" i asked tyler as we pulled into my building, to which he smiled and nodded his head. i pulled my sweatshirt sleeves down more, trying to cover my bandaged arm before we walked into my building. my strength was coming back, but tyler still kept an arm around me as we walked in. i let him in and we sat on the couch, silence filling the room for a few minutes.

"let's watch a movie," tyler said suddenly, grabbing the tv remote from the table. i chuckled but agreed, getting up the go to the bathroom.

when i walked in, my razor was still sitting on the ground next to a dry pool of blood. i sighed, reaching down to pick it up. i looked at it for a minute, before surprising myself and throwing it in the trash. i moved a rug that was already in the room to cover the stain, feeling a weird sense of self confidence. maybe this was my wake up call. hopefully. when i walked back out into the living room, tyler had the conjuring pulled up on the screen. i gave him a surprised look, as the last movie we watched had been an innocent disney movie.

"what? you don't like scary movies?" he asked, motioning for me to come sit next to him. i laughed as i sat down, shaking my head.

"no i love them, but they don't seem like your thing," i said, looking at him to see the shocked looking on his face as i said this.

"what! why?" he asked stunned, making me laugh even harder.

"you're soft," i said back, poking him as i said it. he scoffed and turned away, breaking into a smile as well. he turned the movie on and i grabbed a blanket, throwing it on top of us as the creepy intro music began.

the movie ended and tyler turned off the tv. i had only clung on to him once during the movie, so i was pretty proud of myself. he looked at me and smiled, so i did the same.

"can we talk?" he said suddenly, making me feel a little uneasy. i sat up and nodded my head, turning so i could face him. he did the same, rubbing his neck before sighing.

"is everything okay?" i said softly, the anxiety growing in my stomach. his eyes widened and he grabbed me hand.

"yes! i just think we should talk about the night we met, and about last night," he said slowly, rubbing my hand with his thumb. "and about us."

a blush rose to my cheeks but i nodded my head, looking down at our hands. i sighed, trying to muster up the courage to say what needed to be said.

"for the past few years, i feel like i've been stuck in this bubble. i lost my parents, and i kind of lost my whole life with them. i pushed away everyone and everything in my life, leaving myself completely isolated. i just felt like it would be better for everyone if they didn't have me as a burden in their lives," i sighed again, not meeting his eyes. i separated from his hands and turned away from him so i could stare at the ceiling. "i started getting sad before my parents died. the depression and anxiety come early, but it was manageable for a long time. i was really close with my mom and was able to talk to her, so losing her kind of made everything go over the edge. i felt like i couldn't talk to anyone after. like everyone was hearing what i was saying, but wasn't really listening, you know? so i cut off my friends, i cut off school, i even cut off music. and for the past 3 years, it's just been me and the darkness. it's been completing consuming me, making me feel like a zombie who's just kind of sleepwalking through life. i had just kind of had enough. i wanted to just let it win. you coming into my life has been the first hint of light that i've had in years. i was on the bridge because i had surrounded myself with nothing but darkness, but then by some sheer force of the universe you came and you saved me. that sounds dumb, but it's true. you just make me feel safe and at home, something i haven't felt since i had my parents. i think it just freaked me out last night and overwhelmed me, so i did the only thing i know to do when i get overwhelmed. but for the first time, i feel like i want to get better. i feel like, i don't know ty. i feel like i'm awake."

i stopped and looked away from the ceiling, turning back to face tyler. when i looked at him, he had a tear running down his cheek but a soft smile on his lips. i instantly felt guilty that i had made him cry, trying to apologize, but he shook his head as he wiped the tear away.

"i make music because i feel the darkness too," tyler said softly, not looking away from me. "it can be so overwhelming, so i just kind of write down everything going through my brain and turn it into songs. it's been a really great coping mechanism, but the darkness still lingers. you make me feel light. you make me feel like i'm not alone, and like the darkness can't control me anymore. you say i feel like home to you but you feel like heaven to me. i don't know what it is about you, but you make me feel the same way that you're telling me i make you feel. i think you're really special, mel. i think you're my person."

the fuzzy feeling had grown to a new extreme, filling my stomach completely. i stared at tyler's eyes, his gorgeous eyes, and couldn't help but glance down at his plump, pink lips. we were sitting inches away from each other, and i wanted so desperately to close the space between us. i looked back up at his eyes to see he was doing the same thing as me, going back and forth between my eyes and my lips. he slowly reached his hand up and placed it on my cheek, sliding it down to my jaw and underneath my hair. his hand felt electric on my skin, sending a chill down my spine. he gently pulled me closer to him, my stomach feeling like it was going to explode. finally our lips connected, and the spark from his hand turned into fireworks from his lips. electricity coursed through my veins as i placed my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat as rapidly as my own. our lips moved together and my entire body felt warm. his other hand traveled to my waist, pulling me closer to him. we pulled away, staring at each other and breathing heavily.

"so, i guess that covers the 'us' conversation, huh?" he said quietly, making me giggle. i reached my hand up to his cheek, tracing his bottom lip with my thumb. he gently grabbed my hand and kissed my thumb, making me face turn brighter red than it already was. suddenly he broke the silence and said, "i need to tell you something."