Purpose Will Surface (Compete)

chapter ten

tyler's alarm goes off the next morning, making me groan and pull the blanket over my head. i hear him chuckle beside me as he turns it off. he gently pulls the cover off my face, but i don't break my angry stare even when i see his cute face.

"good morning sleepyhead," tyler says softly, leaning down and kissing my forehead. i murmur something incoherent, still angry. he laughs and gets up to grab some clothes and take a shower.

i decide i better get up too, despite my sleepy brain telling me to stay in this comfy bed. i pull my outfit out of my bag, just some black skinny jeans and a tøp shirt tyler had given me. i pull off my pajamas and change into just the skinny jeans and my black bra, not wanting to put on the shirt until i wash my face and do my makeup. as if on cue tyler walks out of the bathroom in his towel, grabbing the clothes he had gotten out earlier. i walk into the bathroom and close the door almost all the way behind me so the steam doesn't stick around for too much longer. i do what i need to do, washing my face and brushing my teeth. i put on a little bit of foundation and some eye makeup so i can look presentable for the show. i grab my straightener and straighten my hair quickly. my hair isn't too long so it doesn't take too much time. when i walk out, tyler is wearing his black jeans and a hoodie sitting on the bed. he smiles at me as i come out, giving me a bit of a weird look.

"what?" i ask, pulling on the shirt he gave me as well as a crewneck.

"you just, you look really pretty," he says, scratching his neck. i like when he gets nervous. i blush and thank him, packing the last few things back in my bag and slipping on my shoes so we can leave.

josh and some security guys are outside waiting for us when we walk out of our room. we head downstairs and the security leads us out the back door so we can get into the car safely. we make our way back to the arena, josh talking the whole way about how he really wants to get a dog. i'm all for the idea, but tyler isn't quite sure.

when we arrive at the arena, our equipment is already there since there wasn't a show the day before so we don't have to worry about unloading again. the guys and i head backstage where they have a little dressing room area with some snacks and couches. we decide to chill and eat some snacks until the guys have to start sound checking. we talk until they're called, and i sit out in the middle of the pit as they test everything and run some tracks. i decide to walk around the arena a little bit to go look at their merch and see what's going on. as i'm walking i can see fans waiting outside through the window, and can't believe they're out there when it's so cold. when the guys are finished doing what they have to do, i go up to them.

"how long have the people been out there?" i ask them, and they both look at each other and shrug.

"maybe a few days, it usually depends on the venue. they haven't told us anything though, why?" josh asks, and i shake my hands not believing how calm he is about this!

"it's freezing outside you guys! how long until doors open?" i ask, looking at the time to see it's only noon.

"i think doors are at 5," tyler says, checking his phone for the time as well. i can't believe this.

"you guys, you should do something. get them some pizzas and waters or something, they must be so cold and dehydrated," i say, worried about how long they might have been out there. tyler nods and walks over to talk to someone, who nods at him. he walks back over to me with a smile and a thumbs up.

"pizzas and waters have been requested. they will be available shortly," tyler says, and i sigh a little in relief. at least it's almost done.

we spend the rest of the time trying to make some fun around the arena and talking with the opening act. doors finally open and the fans rush in, so we have to stay backstage. i peak around before the opener is supposed to go on, seeing a bunch of people standing in the pit where i was sitting earlier and a bunch more in the seated areas. my stomach churns in anticipation. i don't know why i'm nervous, i'm not the one performing. i walk back to the guys' dressing room as the opener goes on, seeing josh warming up his hands and josh doing some vocal warm ups. i sit an watch tyler, amazed he can sound so angelic even just doing warm ups. he catches me staring at him and gives me a goofy look, making me laugh. he continues his warm ups and i go on my phone, opening twitter and searching "tøp cleveland" to see what the fans are saying. everyone's excited, and i see a lot about the pizza that was sent out earlier. i'm glad to see everyone enjoyed it and was grateful for it. before we know it it's time for the guys to go on. i go out into the pit by the sound mixing guys so i can watch the show. i get a few confused looks, but it doesn't seem like anything thinks much of it.

the guys came out and put everything into their show, and it showed. everything was incredible, from their playing to the effects. i had a blast dancing and singing along. when it got to goner, i realized i hadn't listened to the song yet. as i listened to tyler sing it, i felt my heart sink into my stomach. i knew it was from their new album, i remembered seeing it. knowing a song with such a dark, hopeless meaning was on their newest album broke me. my heart ached at the thought of him having these thoughts, that he could have the same thoughts as me. the show went on and came to a close with trees. i tried to dance and sing along but i was just so bothered by goner. the words stuck in my brain.

i went back to see the guys backstage as everything exited the arena, knowing i wanted to talk to tyler about the lyrics i heard tonight. tyler and josh were in their dressing room, still pumped about the show as they grabbed their stuff so we could leave. i smiled at them and hugged them, congratulating them on how amazing their show was and how much i loved it. tyler could tell something was off, but i tried my best to hide my worry. we headed back to the hotel, deciding it was best to stay another night instead of driving all the way home tonight. we went our separate ways, tyler and i walking into our room and setting our stuff down.

"is everything okay?" he asked concerned as soon as we sat down together. i grabbed his hand and met his eyes, putting my hand up to his cheek.

"i hadn't heard 'goner' before tonight, ty," i said softly, and i could see his face fall a little as he looked away from me. "when did you write that?"

"i don't know, quite a while ago," tyler murmured, still not looking at me. "but it still feels so fresh in my head."

"ty, hey, look at me," i whispered, gently moving his head so he'd meet my eyes again. i pressed my lips to his forehead.

"i'm sorry," he whispered, closing his eyes as a tear slipped out. my heart fell even deeper, and i wiped away his tear with my thumb.

"i won't let you be gone," i whispered slowly, and he opened his eyes again and looked at

me with a pleading look on his face. all at once his face fell and he broke into sobs, his head falling onto my chest. i wrapped him in my arms, remembering what he did to soothe me. i rubbed circles into his back, leaning my head down to whisper soothing things into his ear.

"i-i'm sorry," he hiccuped against my chest, and i shushed him gently.

"it's okay, baby, it's okay. i'm right here, i'm here," i whispered, trying to be strong and fight back my own tears. he sobbed into me for a little while longer until he tired himself out and got himself to stop. i helped him up and over to the bed. he looked at me with such an empty look in his eyes, it broke my heart.

i got him some clothes and gave them to him, telling him i would just be a minute as i hurriedly scrubbed off my makeup and threw my hair up and pajamas on. i walked back out to see he was staring at his lap and hadn't changed into the clothes yet. i sighed to myself, wishing i hadn't brought this up. i walked over to him, slowly lifting his arms up and pulling his shirt over his head. i reached down and kissed his cheek, whispering in his ear asking him to stand up. he did, and i helped him get his pants off so he could put some more comfortable ones on. i had been in this position before, i knew what it was like. my mom has had to help me take baths and get dressed in the past when i've gotten episodes like this. i helped tyler get into bed, getting in myself and pulling the covers over us.

"i'm so sorry, ty. i shouldn't have brought it up," i whispered, touching my hand to his cheek. his eyes finally met mine again, almost making me jump.

"i love you," he whispered, another tear slipping out. i smiled at him, feeling tears form in my own eyes.

"i love you," i whispered back, wiping away his tear. "you're not gone, i've got you."