I hate everything about you (Nnoitra X Neliel)

The man's despair

Neliel woke up, stark naked, in Nnoitra's room again. She had done it again. She had hurt her own pride again. She felt so ashamed of herself.

All she wanted to do was to make sure he was okay. He was so reckless, fighting just right after he was injured. He was just like a kid, doing whatever he wants even if it wasn't good for him. Why doesn't he treasure his life? Why did he want to die so badly? Why was he in so much despair?

She hated him. She hated his recklessness. She tried to show that she cared about him, try to open his eyes to become a happier person but he understood her. Just she could not understand him and they would never understand each other.

She wanted him to change into someone like her. It was selfish but the way Nnoitra lived his life and sought his battles was unacceptable. But deep down, she knew she could never change him, yet she would show him care anyways, because that's just how she was.

And this wasn't supposed to happen at all last night, she had prepared herself to resist him but then he had done something completely unexpected: He had kissed her.

Never in her life would he have thought that Nnoitra would ever kiss her and so she could not help herself but melt into that kiss and give in. Of course, the kiss had no affection in it, just Nnoitra's pure anger and frustration towards her but a kiss nevertheless. Something she could absolutely not deny from Nnoitra.

But after all, it was hard to resist Nnoitra in the first place. Nnoitra's long slender fingers that made her tremble by the slightest touch, his muscular body that would be covered in sweat when he dominated her,  his long tongue that pleased her more than it really should, his husky voice when he was turned on, his hungry eyes when he looked at her that made her feel like she was the one and only woman, and of course, his immensely long manhood that drove her crazy.  But what could you expect from a seven foot one guy?

But just because he was hard to resist, did not mean that she doesn't need to resist him. This was a shameful act for her, letting him come so close to her.

And yet, here she was, in his room, regretting once again what she had done. When would this stop?

She got up to dress herself, careful not to wake him up, but before she could open the door to leave, he already called out for her.

"What the fuck, Neliel?"

She turned to him, letting her cool gaze fall upon him.

"You think you can just screw me and walk away, you stupid bitch?! You gotta be kidding me!" He growled. Neliel did not flinch once. She was used to his insulting, she had practically grown numb to it. But  eventually, she realized something. It didn't matter how much he would insult her, it didn't matter what he would say to her, she would keep doing what she always does.

"You know, I fucking hate you! You always treat me like shit! Who the fuck do you think you are?? You think you're all special just because you can beat me??!"

She knew he hated him with all his heart. If he even had one that is. But she knew Nnoitra very well. He was more human than he actually acts.

And she was aware that she had made him a promise she knew she wouldn't keep as it passed from her lips. But that's what they did, right? Always say things they don't mean.

"I don't have time for you." She simply replied. She was always like this, pushing him away and then chase him again to push him away once more. Making excuses all the time because in reality she needed him. She couldn't live without him.

This was the critical difference between the two. She didn't want him but she needed him. She hated his personality with great disgust for he thinks he is a warrior without using proper reasoning. He was nothing but a killer-machine, not an honorable warrior. But she needed him to be who she was. She needed him for her to elevate her pride while at teh same time, she cared about him.

Nnoitra, on the other hand, wanted her but didn't need her. He wanted her to accept him, to acknowledge him, to view him as an equal, to be admired by her for the sake of his own pride and he could never get it from her. But he didn't need her, in fact he was so much better without her. No one to hinder him fro anything, no one to scold him.

It was their pride that was preventing them from understanding and accepting each other but their pride was something they could never ever cast aside.

"You fucking bitch!" Nnoitra slipped into his hakama and threw his weapon at her. Neliel dodged it with ease.

"For fuck's sake, fight me back already!"

"I don't have any reason to fight you." She replied.

"I told you for a hundred times, I hate you!"

"That is not a reason to fight, it is just instinct."

"Oh for fuck's sake, Neliel, stop tryin' to act all clever!" He swung his weapon at her again. Neliel simply punched his chest and he flew back into his bed.

"You are not a warrior. I do not wish to fight someone who is not a warrior." She said coldly and left his room.

She decided to spend her time with her fraccion, Pesche and Dondochakka.

Nnoitra was most probably outside again, relieving his frustration on other weaker hollows. As reckless as always. She didn't understand him. She would probably never understand him. And he would probably never understand her too.

In reality, Neliel was just as selfish as Nnoitra. She cared for him but at the same time used him for her own ego. After all, only Nnoitra allowed her to be that egoistical and arrogant hollow she really is. He was like a pillar of her negativity. And even though she wanted him to change, she wouldn't know what would happen to her if he did. If Nnoitra was no longer himself... how could she be who she really was?

But she could never kill him. No matter how many times he would hurt her and she would hurt him, after how many times he would tell her how much he hated her, that he wished her dead, she  could not bring herself to kill him.

In fact Neliel herself was confused about how she felt about him. But one thing was for sure: She didn't want him to die.

Later that evening, Neliel wondered if Nnoitra was already back. She was worried about him again. Maybe she should check on him again, but this time she had to make sure she would not commit the same thing again. She would control herself.

She knocked on his door again and entered, finding Nnoitra sitting on his bed.

"The fuck d'ya want?"

Neliel closed the door behind her and took a deep breath and faced him. But as she did so she saw something in his eyes.

Desperate hunger in his eyes.