Youthful Days (Book 1)

56. Love

When Fuji finished his recount, he realized Ayuna hadn't said a single word.

He spun around quickly, for a second fearing she might have already stood up and left. Yet Ayuna remained sitting in the same place, still as a stone. She had her hands folded over her lap and her eyes downcast. With shadows of the fading dusk slanting over her profile, he couldn't discern the expressions on her face.

He walked back until he was standing in front of her and froze: Ayuna was crying. A single tear dappled her cheek, sliding down to her chin and into her shirt collars. She kept her head down, trying to conceal the rivulet of tears that followed.

Fuji extended a hand out to her, then immediately stopped in mid-reach. He had no idea what to do. Hanamachi Ayuna had never cried. She never wavered in front of hardship, physical injury, or the meanness of others. She was fearless and unreal in that way. It made everyone forget—himself included—that she could get hurt and she was equally as human as others.

"I'm sorry" was all he managed to utter.

"Please don't feel sorry for me," she whispered.

"That's not what I mean! I don't feel sorry for you, I—"

"Fuji, I don't want your apologies." She drew in a shaky breath, "I was just embarrassed, okay?"

Wiping her tears away with one hand, Ayuna kept her eyes locked to the ground. "Thinking back to that day, it was so degrading to crawl out of the pond with Atobe and to be seen by everyone in the worst possible situation. I was thoroughly humiliated."

"Then tell me, as I've already asked, why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't say a word because my mind went blank from everything he said and did. I also thought you trusted me, and you would jump to defend my integrity in front of the other seniors. I thought you'd be on my side, no matter what." Her voice faltered here, "But you just walked away."

"I-I couldn't think," Fuji stuttered. "At that moment, the only thought crossing my mind was the fact you hid your run-in with Atobe from me before. Seeing you two kissing, I thought..."

"You thought I was dishonest, right?"

Fuji bit his lips.

"You're right—it was my indiscretion for not coming clean with my run-in with him. I should've told you about it immediately after it happened. But the thing is, I didn't mention it because I didn't think it was important. To me, he seemed like another spoiled, rich playboy. I didn't want to bother you with these unnecessary details in the middle of a championship. I did it so I wouldn't be a distraction, not because I had something to hide."

"I get that, Ayuna. But why didn't you explain yourself after what happened in Nikko? Why didn't you come to me with the full story and tell me that coach Ryuzaki unfairly dismissed you?"

Ayuna met his eyes steadily. "Because you aren't the only one with pride, Fuji Shuusuke. I didn't think I was wrong. I was the helpless one this time, and you left me."

She stood up and walked ahead until she faced the river. "All along, I thought I could count on you and your trust no matter the situation. But you abandon me again and again. Worse, you don't even bother reaching out to me unless somebody else stepped in..." Trailing off, she whispered, "Are you always going to expect the worst of me?"

"I..."

"If that's the case, then—"

"No!" Fuji cut her off, too afraid to hear the rest of the sentence. "That's not it!"

"Are you ever going to believe me?"

"I'm sorry," Fuji said. He didn't know how to redeem himself otherwise. "I was wrong about everything."