I swear, if I hear one more throwback to Britney Spears, I am going to blow my brains out. Now before you kill me, I don't hate Britney Spears, but if you take six teenage kids who can't sing and stuff them in a small room... you get the point.
"Come onnnn just sing already!" I hear Keiko say while Dante is singing very loudly.
"So tempting, but I wouldn't dare take the spotlight away from you guys." I say while putting my hand on my head, feigning grief.
"Oh shut up miss drama queen. Just sing girl." Maya pipes in. She gives me a quick eyebrow dance. Wave? Whatever she was attempting before going back to choosing a song with Alex.
"I'll sing when all hell freezes over." I say as I snuggle back into my corner of the booth.
"Bite me." Says Keiko as she goes to join Dante.
"Oh I will." I say, smirking at her disgusted expression. She fake gags and goes back to singing who knows what now. My eyes scan across the room and land on Brian and Avery having a quiet conversation in the corner. They seem very into it, Avery's eyes are practically glowing with how excited she is. How odd... Brian never seemed like a bookworm. Now, why would I assume that they're talking about books? That's the epitome of who Avery is. Say one author's name and bam, you have a whole list of books they made.
"Are you jealous that she's smarter than you?" I hear an amused Zeke beside me.
"Hey, I admire her knowledge. I'm more of a music person anyway." I say, as I rest my head on the headboard.
"Then why don't you sing miss I'm-better-than-everyone?" Zeke says this as he turns towards me. He shoves one leg under the other and now has his full body towards me. I shiver and start to feel insecure. Why would you face me? Don't look at me. It's days like these I wish I was a hermit crab, so I could retreat into a shell.
"I don't see myself like that idiot. If anything, I feel the complete opposite. You should know that better than anyone after what happened." I feel a wave of sadness wash over me as I say this. I'm not about to reminisce about the past right now. It's only going to lead to some edgy and mood-killing talk.
"They don't deserve it, do they?" I hear him say as I zone back in. I feel my face turn sour. A look of regret instantly washes over his face once he looks at me again.
"Excuse me?" I can't stop myself from snapping back. I blink slowly and take a deep breath. It caught me off guard, but I know what he means. I hate that I know what he means because it means he's right. They're in this position 'cause of me. They were perfectly fine with their social lives and if it weren't for me, that still would've been the case. I can tell he's looking at me. I would be burnt to a crisp if you could actually burn holes while staring at someone hard enough.
"I wonder what they think about it all. It must be rough." He says quietly. I feel my body warm up slowly. My anxiety is kicking in. He's testing the waters. I can't deal with these emotions right now. I need to divert the topic before my emotions get the best of me.
"I'm getting a drink." I say, frustration evident in my voice.
"Wait, no, I'm sorry I shouldn't have prodded. I-"
"You're right. You shouldn't have, but you did. Now shut up." I cut him off. Shit, you can hear how upset I am. I run a hand through my hair and pause. For once, I'm glad Keiko and Dante are loud. I glance at Avery and I can tell she looked away. Her hair fell in front of her eyes as I looked. Luckily, no one else noticed my little outburst. I avoid Zeke's gaze as I walk out of the room to the coffee shop upstairs.
After a while of sitting on the bench, I thought about a lot of things. I get why he was curious. Anyone would be... I mean, the girls do have to put up with people avoiding them because of me. Any outsider would question why they put up with it all. Hell, even I do. I live with this constant feeling of imposter syndrome. I feel like it puppeteers my every thought, so I'm this emotionally unstable ragdoll, ready to lash out with the slightest trigger. I must have ruined the mood there. Damn... I wish I could go home, but I'm the girls' ride. I grasp at anything I can, the end of my coat, my hands, but nothing works. I need something to distract my hands before my body starts to sting from the depression washing over me. Before I panic even more I see a small rubber flower appear in front of me and I hesitate. I know who's offering, and I feel too guilty to accept it.
"It's fine, just take it. I shouldn't have prodded, really." he says this quietly and gently rests the flower on my hand. I grip it slowly and continue to fidget, avoiding the fact that I should look up and thank him. I feel the warmth of his body as he sits near me. Close enough to provide comfort, but far enough that he isn't overstepping any boundaries.
"I really am sorry for what it counts. I got caught up in the moment and just wanted to-" I cut him off by grasping his arm. I can't muster up any words. Like I said, I know he's not wrong. I just don't think I could answer that right now. I don't think I'm ready to talk about what happened. Zeke was only there for the aftermath, but the days leading up to it? Not even close.
"Listen, I know you think anyone and everyone can be friends. But that's not always the case. Maybe one day you'll come to understand that." I say, trying not to sound malicious. I look up at him and see him nod slowly. After a while of staring, he looks back down at his arm that I have been gripping for a while. I quickly pull my hand back, embarrassed.
"If you wanted to t-"
"DON'T." I cut him off before he makes a perverted joke. He just giggles quietly and offers his hand out to help me up. I ignore it and stand up, brushing off any dirt from the seat. We head back in silence and Zeke diverts everyone's attention from what just happened. He makes a big commotion about forgetting what everyone wanted and how I was too embarrassed to come back and ask. The girls look at me and I just smile weakly while giving a small shrug. They know I would never forget such a small thing but they also know not to question this. The rest of the boys just laugh and tease Zeke as if he trying to lie about himself being forgetful.
YOU ARE READING
Fear The Four
Ficção Adolescente"In high school, as much as you hate it. There's always a hierarchy." His voice is spewing with enough venom to intoxicate anyone who would dare get close enough to hear. He's close enough that I can feel his breath start to heat up my skin. I feel...
