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What We Left Behind

stxrkissed

What it's about: Fei Hong has grown up hearing everything requires sacrifices. Following this mantra, she leaves earth to pay for her sick grandmother's care. She travels to a new world, Erisua, but has a lingering feeling that she doesn't belong. While Earth moves on without her, Fei Hong finds that more sacrifices must be made.

(Other than the above section, anything in italics is your writing, while the bold is what changes I've made to it. I've upgraded you to from option 2 to 3 for free because I'm late with this review. No need to do any extra payments!)

Cover/Blurb - 4/5

I love your cover. The image is striking, and you don't have a surplus of different fonts. My one qualms with it are that the simple lettering for the cover blends into the background, making the words harder to see. It's the combination of white and very thin, curly letters. I would suggest putting a shadow behind them or using a more prominent colour that won't blend into the sky.

The blurb, on the other hand, took your five down to the four, and almost took it to a three. When I was reading through the blurb to summarise what the book was about for the above section, I honestly found it very difficult. I'll break down where it went wrong for me.

You start strong - "Everything requires sacrifices. This is what Fei Hong grew up learning, and this is what she tells herself as she leaves Earth to set foot on a different planet in the far edges of the vast galaxy." These two sentences pack a punch and intrigue me. I can clearly understand what's happening.

"With Earth's resources dwindling, and her grandmother sick, Fei Hong makes the ultimate sacrifice that leads her to Erisua, a thriving planet full of opportunities. Erisua is a new world, one that comes at a hefty cost, for Fei Hong must give up everything she knows and loves for another life in another world." Here's where things still make some sense, but the sentences are too wordy, and I had to read them a couple of times to get the full image. Maybe even just shortening the first sentence to "With Earth's resources dwindling, and her grandmother sick, Fei Hong makes the ultimate sacrifice - leaving her planet." That condenses it down and then gives you a smooth transition to then talk about Erisua. The second sentences makes sense, but I feel like it could be shortened down to not read wordy. It's already implied that she's given up everything to move to the new world, I feel like repeating it isn't needed.

The last paragraph, I don't get. There's no way to sugar coat it, I don't understand what's going on. I follow it until '...a world that seems to have grown without her - a world that throws her yet again...". The sentence is too long. It needs to be cut down. And I don't get how the boy with grey eyes and secrets has anything to do with a world that threw her to fate again. Are you talking about Earth? Or Erisua? How is she thrown to fate by a planet she doesn't live in anymore. I'm just perplexed.

I wrote a sample blurb cutting down the things I talked about to give you a better idea of what I meant. I added in everything except the ending, because I couldn't figure out what was going on.

Everything requires sacrifices.

This is what Fei Hong grew up learning, and the mantra she held onto when she left home. With Earth's resources dwindling, and her grandmother sick, Fei Hong makes the ultimate sacrifice - leaving everything to travel to the other side of the universe (galaxy? There are many words you can trade this for). Erisua is a thriving planet filled with opportunities for Fei Hong. However, she can't shake the lingering feeling of not belonging. She craves a world that's grown without her.