Stolen // One Piece

chapter thirty-seven

Luffy was lying on his stomach in the grass lawn, hat in hand, listening to one of Usopp's many stories taking place during the time that the Captain had been held captive.

The warm afternoon sun beamed down on them, most of its rays hidden by the rustling leaves of the tree they lay under. Small yellow dandelions poked their way through the blades of grass. A soft breeze moved through the air, lightly ruffling the Captain's and the Sniper's hair. The Thousand Sunny slowly rocked against the waves of the ocean.

Luffy wasn't really listening to the story, though he'd never let on, for Usopp's sake. He was thinking about Bluejam.

It had already been two weeks since Luffy had been rescued, but if he was being completely honest, it felt like only the day before. Everytime he woke up, for a brief second he would expect to be back on the Lost Maria, chained to a wall and soaked in his own blood. And each time, a wave of relief flooded him as he recognized the comforting faces of his crew.

Luffy shivered as he pictured Bluejam's gnarled old-man-face twisted into a sneer, as the older pirate burned his body. His stomach lurched as his own screams echoed in his ears, desperate and pained. As the memory of his blood, warm and thick, sliding down his sweaty face, played in the back of his eyes. As the memory of the most excruciating pain he'd ever been in replayed again and again in his mind.

He clutched the hat tighter.

"...and that's how I single-handedly took down a whole fleet of Marines!" Usopp finished, a triumphant smile on his face. Luffy forced himself to smile up at him in return, trying to fight the tears that had gathered in his eyes. Usopp, however, could see right through Luffy's fake smile. His face scrunched in concern. "What's wrong, Luffy? You look like you're about to cry?" The Captain sat up, and shook his head violently. He felt panic bubbling in his stomach, growing with each passing second. His tears threatened to spill, and he did not want them too, especially not in front of his friend.

"No, I'm fine," he replied, standing, trying to escape before he broke down. The sniper grabbed his hand before he could get too far.

"Did I upset you? Was it the story? Did I remind you that you weren't here? That wasn't my intention, I'm really sorry, please don't cry. I wanted to distract you, not make you cry!" Luffy tried desperately to peel his friend's fingers from his wrist. His body began to shake, causing his teeth to rattle.

Finally, he freed himself and turned quickly to walk away. Usopp grabbed his shoulder and spun him around again. Luffy, knowing he was about to have a full meltdown, shoved Usopp away and ran to the ladder leading downstairs, hopped down into the kitchen, and sprinted past Sanji into the aquarium. The whole time, he could hear the sniper calling after him. Nami, who was curled up on the couch drinking coffee and reading a book she had borrowed from Robin, looked up at him as he hurried past her. She stood when she saw the tears sliding down his face, setting down her book.

"Luffy? Are you —," Luffy cut her off before she could finish.

"Not now, Nami," he snapped. His voice was strained and choked with tears. She stared at him as he sprinted down the stairs and into the hallway.

He sped through the hallway, pushing open the door at the end and stepping out onto the balcony. Still shaking, he closed the door, and slid down the railing, landing on the floor with a soft thump. He wrapped his arms around his torso, trying hold himself together.

Images of the pools of his own blood filled his mind. Memories of being held underwater. Of choking on his own swollen tongue. Of trying to cough up the sea water in his lungs. Of being beaten by various blunt objects. Of the gaping wounds on his chest and stomach. Of lying in a pool of his own bile. Of the sting of lemon juice on his gashes. Of the smell of his burning flesh. Of Chopper's screams for the crew to help him stop the bleeding. Of going limp, and everything going black.

He had begun sobbing, and he pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his throbbing head on them. The panic continued to bubble in his stomach, rising and rising.

Earlier memories began to surface, as well. Memories of being abandoned in the woods to fend for himself. Of being locked in that cursed dark, cramped closet. Of being tied to balloons and lifted high above the ground with no way of getting down. Of being attacked by huge animals and left to die. Of drowning in that cold, cold river. Of being tied up and beaten by Porchemy. Of hearing the news that his brother was dead. Of thinking his mother was dead. Of being beaten and starved by his own grandfather. Of being impaled by Crocodile. Of drowning in the sand. Of watching his friends pop out of existence, thinking he'd never see them again. Of withstanding so much pain that his swordsman had to take it for him. Of being locked in Impel Down. Of being so tired that he couldn't move. Of watching hundreds of pirates die to help him save his brother. Of watching Ace die. Of the blood on his hands. Of the ache of waking up knowing that nothing could ever go back to the way it was. That there was no normal for a pirate. Of Nami leaving because she was scared, twice. Of upsetting Usopp, and having to fight him. Of the Going Merry going up in flames. Of Sanji abandoning them because he was scared. Of Robin having to be convinced to live. Of having to climb a sheer mountain because his friends were dying. Of having ten years taken off of his life.

Luffy couldn't breathe. He desperately gasped for air, but none would enter his lungs. His head pounded. His ears were ringing so loud that he couldn't hear anything else. His heart was beating so fast that he thought he was going to die.

"Fuck," he wheezed, trying to calm himself down. His tears came in waterfalls now, soaking his bandages. He wanted to call out for someone to help him, but he couldn't do much more than whimper.

'I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe please help me I can't breathe,' his voice echoed in his mind.

Nami came rushing through the door, closing it behind her. She dropped to her knees in front of him, carefully reaching out and pulling his head from his knees.

"You're okay, you're just having a panic attack," she said over his gasps for air. Softly, she pushed his hair from his eyes and brought it to her chest. He leaned into her, still wheezing. "Just follow my breathing," she soothed, holding him to her body, forcing him to breathe with her. When he could breathe again, he pulled away. "I used to have them all the time when I was trapped with Arlong." Luffy curled back into himself, tucking his head between his knees again. Though he still sobbed, he was grateful to be breathing again.

Nami slowly reached out and  lightly brushed his shoulder with her finger. It was so... odd seeing her captain fall apart like this. After a while, his sobs turned into sniffles.

"Luffy?" He sniffed in response, but didn't move. "Can you tell me what happened that freaked you out?" He looked up at her with his teary brown eyes. There was something in them that Nami couldn't quite place. Luffy almost looked... ashamed?

"I... I don't really want to talk about it," he replied. Nami nodded and swiped at his tears with her thumb.

"Later, then? Please? I just want to help," she said, hoping desperately that she could, in fact, help him. He thought for a moment, before nodding.

"Later. I promise."