gone,, norenmin

♥Insomnia♥

Jeno

The hospital let Renjun out a week after he was brought there. He doesn't really talk much and he's always zoning out and I've noticed that he doesn't go to sleep much and if he does he normally ends up in either Kun, Doyoung, Taeil, or Ten's bed. He will randomly start to cry or tears will just start running down his face and he doesn't even realize it. 

When he zones out one of us will normally go over to him and tap his shoulder. He will flinch away from us and move to the corner of the room. He was told that he would never be able to walk again because of his leg injury not being treated properly when he first got it and then when he continued to use it and the injury got worse. 

I just want to help him but whenever I try to he distances himself from him.  

We're at practice and he's sitting on one of the chairs watching us. You can see the longing in his eyes to be dancing with us. 

We switched to vocal training and Renjun started singing after Haechan and you could see him visibly cringing. He sounded like an angel, which he is, he's my angel.

Jaemin is the only one of us, the dreamies, that he's opened up too and Jaemin even told me that he only lets him hold him as he cries and he won't tell him anything. 

We're all worried about him and his well being as he seems repulsed at his own body. He scratches his skin till it's red and bleeding. 

The company has gotten him a therapist that he goes to twice a week but they told us he only sits on the chair and shakes and refuses to talk. 

I watched him leave the room we were practicing vocals in and followed him. I followed him to the dorm and watched as he fell to the floor a sobbing mess. I sat on the floor next to him and pulled him to my chest. I moved his crutches next to me so they were easier to grab later.  

I could feel him shaking in my arms."Jeno," he said in a small frail voice.

"Yeah," I said as I rocked him back and forth. 

"Why am I such a fuck up," he asked with a small hickup."I can't dance anymore, I can't sing without my voice sounding like shit, and I feel like I'm weighing everyone down with all the shit wrong with me, "everything he said made me said knowing that none of it was true, well except the walking thing but that doesn't matter because he's perfect no matter what. 

I pulled away from him and laid him against the back of the couch and looked at him. He wouldn't look me in the eyes at all and just looked at his lap. 

I gently grabbed his chin making him look up at me and looked into his beautiful brown eyes that held so much emotion."You are not fucked up in any way. You are beautiful in every way possible and deserve the whole fucking world. You are loved here and no one feels like your weighing us down. We all love you so so much Renjun, don't you see that? You have the literal voice of an angel and yes you might not be able to dance like the rest of us anymore but just think of what you can do at concerts now. We all have to dance and be away from the fans while you can spend time with them and show them all the love they deserve. They love you so much don't you know that, while you were gone they kept you trending on Twitter and were being the sweetest to us while you weren't here. We all need you, there will never be a time where we won't need you, you are my world," I said and watched his pretty brown eyes start to fill with tears and then felt arms wrap around my neck and feel a head in the crook of my neck and the tears falling onto my skin. 

"I love you so much," Renjun whispered out I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him tighter to me and let him cry more. 

After a while, I stood up and picked Renjun up and carried him on my hip to the kitchen and sat him on the counter. I grabbed bottles of water and handed him one. He took a few sips before putting it down. I made ramen and gave him half and ate the other half.

You can still see his ribs after being starved for a long time. His wrist cast poked out from his sweatshirt sleeve. It was so hard to hear from the doctor's everything they found out had happened to Renjun and then them telling them that if he wasn't found sooner he would've died of starvation. 

Renjun ate most of the ramen but ate it at a slow pace which Jeno didn't mind. Renjun would also drink big gulps of water after each bit of food.

Once Renjun finished his food I placed our bowls in the sink before picking him up and bringing him to his room. Moomin plushies were all over the baby blue room with white trim. I laid Renjun onto his double-sized bed and crawled next to him pulling him into my chest.

I heard snores after around ten minutes and saw he was completely asleep. I laid back all the way and felt my eyes get heavier before falling asleep in moved Renjun so he was the facing me on his side as I moved to my side too. 

I pulled him to my chest and felt the sleepiness consume me turning the sun-filled room dark as my eyelids shut. I was in the middle place before you are completely asleep when I heard the front door of the dorm open and heard the laughter of the others fill the house. 

The door to Renjun's room was shut. I heard Chenle's dolphin laugh from somewhere in the house and the rest of the members telling him to shut up.

"Hey guys I'm going to take these to Renjun's room and check up one him and Jeno, "I heard Jaemin's voice say before falling completely asleep. 

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Sorry for not updating regularly like I was from the few other chapters, but updates will be slower and not every and/or other day updates they'll be more spaced out to build up proper suspense and so there is a better quality update