This is inspired by one of my favourite songs off Handwritten, 'the weight' and if you haven't listened to it, GO LISTEN TO IT
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*Narrator POV
Every time one of them spoke, it grew louder in both volume and hatred.
Every time one of them pulled on the roots of their hair, it grew to them pulling on them harder.
Every time one of them insulted the other, the pain in their hearts became bigger.
Every time both of them looked into each other's broken pools, the tears were more bitter & sour, the teary waterfalls finally letting go of the connection they'd both once had.
They'd been at this for hours.
It felt like days and months, to them. Maybe it has been like this for days and months. Maybe it had been building up inside of each of them, like a hurricane, or a vast storm, brewing viciously, ready to erupt out in the many different ways of a furious Mother Nature: rain, thunder, lightning, wind.
Instead, for them, it involved two broken lovers desperately trying to piece back together their puzzle of love that they knew would always have a missing piece. Broken like shattered glass, the bickering was wild and helpless, a forever ongoing argument that was unnecessary.
They both already knew the answer that they were getting out of this all. But they were too terrified to say it aloud. They knew one of them must eventually say it. So for now, I'll say it.
Their bond is now broken, along with their hearts.
And that is that.
*Shawn POV
I didn't even know what I was saying anymore as the words were drowned in my tears. Countless yells at each other, one of us insulting the other, resulting in the other person reciprocating the action.
We were a mess. We didn't know what we were doing. Not anymore. We didn't know what we were fighting for as before, we fought for each other, and now, we have no one to fight for. Not even us. We couldn't bring ourselves to fight for us. Too torn, too heartbroken, to have energy to fix it.
I guess we wasted most of our energy on our arguing. As wasted as it was, It felt good in a bad way, giving the feeling of a new giddy freedom but also a huge weight, one I could never lift. All this puzzling shit from being caught up like this with her finally meant I was always unsure whether it was a good thing or a bad thing, but I guess an ache or happy sigh from the heart will tell.
We wouldn't be here in the first place if it wasn't for her, I suppose. She was toxic at the time but standing metres away from her right now was hard, seeing her in a state which must of reflected mine. Although she stood strong, I could see in the back of her mind that she was broken, had her heartstrings pulled on like a rag doll, had lost something she'd once had. And not just her, but me as well, had a feeling that that would never be found again.
I guess her pain was guilt which makes me step back on her character. Maybe she didn't mean it? But she broke me. My pain may not be worse than guilt but it's still up there.
Heartbreak.
The price you pay for love, no matter how innocent it is. She hurt me. And I don't think I can move on from that to save us, let alone each other.
The storm was triggered by her wrong-doings. Her numerous betrayals. She tried to ease the blame on to me but as much as I didn't want to hurt her, I felt the need to make it clear that this is on her.
Her actions.
Her bad actions.
Her very bad actions.
She cheated.
And there's not much going back from that.
She reasoned well in the heated confusion, stating this entire scenario was my fault. That was because of her pride. No matter how hurting she was on the inside, she'd never show it on the outside. Because "I was never around," she said. Because "I was always busy with work and we had a long distance relationship," she said. Because I was "too caught up in my fame and my career to bother with her," she said. They were her words. I get it. And she's right in that sense. I was never really around because of my job and it was hard to spend time with her. But, we always FaceTimed and talked everyday without fail and whenever I could, I made time for us. And now I don't know whether it was even worth it.
She knew what she was getting herself into, she knew it was gonna he hard and she knew it would mean not much time for us. For goddess sake, we met at the hotel where we both happened to be staying after she'd attended my concert so she already knew I was famous and shit and that I would be on the road a lot. And if she knew that she'd struggle with that sort of relationship then she shouldn't of agreed to it in the first place. Even if she didn't know it would be hard at the start, when she realised she was struggling to cope, she should of said something. Relationships involve trust and she destroyed that.
She said also I only wanted her for her body and sex. "Bullshit" was my response and I then got grilled for being "immature." Immature? Immature? Who was the one who cheated? That's totally not immature.
I can't help but be mad at her for it. It's confusing. And messing me up, anxiety eating away the last remains of me. I'm mad, upset, confused, heartbroken, angry - furious even, scared, afraid, unsure, sad, hopeless, blank. I don't know which one. Maybe a certain few. Or maybe all of them. I don't know. And I guess that's what scares me the most.
I've never been cheated on before. She's the first. And I really wish she wasn't. Up until the past few weeks, she's been my complete everything. I've tried to be the best boyfriend I could being in my circumstances, like any guy should be. I sacrificed everything for her to try to make her happy as that's what you do for the one you love most. But it seems it wasn't enough for her. So she went and fucked our neighbour.
I found out a few nights ago, when I came home from tour and went into an empty apartment. I heard the sounds through the walls of... them. I'd come home earlier than I had told her so it would be a surprise.
Now I wish I hadn't.
I waited till she got back and all I said was "I heard you next door" and we didn't speak to each other until tonight. And the argument began, it now desperately trying to wither away from our heads and mouths in the middle of the night.
He was the kid I grew up with. I guess you could blame him too for he was the one to do it with her and he also knew we were a couple at the time. Yet, I don't know whether it was more of her doings into convincing him to having sex or his. I guess I don't have the facts so I can't really assume anything. They did it more than the once, many times in fact, that's the only piece of information I definitely do know. She's the one saying about how I was the one in the relationship to just be after sex, huh, pathetic.
I really thought she was the one. So did mum and dad and Aaliyah, everyone did. But I guess all good things come to end. You could never convince me that we'd make things up and get back together, not after this. I don't believe in all that shit that people change. Turns out from doing some looking about, this isn't her first time. I hate to accuse her of being a cheater, but it's what she did. She can cry and plead on her knees till their sore but I don't know whether I'll ever see her the same. She won't do that though, not her. Her pride is too important to her. Probably more important than me. That's one thing that always attracted me. Her pride, sassiness and confidence. I love women like that, those who are quite controlling and have their heads held high. I guess that's why I wanted her in the first place. Part of me still does. But I don't know whether it's my brain or my heart telling me so. And it could cost everything we did or could ever have.
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Sorry there's gonna have to be three parts...
