So she back with another story with like 3 parts so this is part 2 and then there's also a part 3 xx
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*Shawn POV
So here we are, red hot cheeks burning our tears into our skin. We stand about a metre and a half away from each other. We're still yelling, and that's not much of a surprise. She's trying to hide the fact that she's guilty. I can read her like a book. That shows even more that we could've really been something. She wants to be the bigger person, the leader of the argument. She wants to be the one to walk out on me even though it should be me walking out on her. Cause she knows I can't bring myself to do that, for our love before was so real and strong. I feel defeated and nothing-less.
"This is all on you Shawn! You're never here for me, never were, never will be! You only care about your stupid job and not me! I'm only with you because you wanted someone to fuck when you came back from tour!" She screamed, pointing her index finger at me, causing me great pain to feel accused in this way.
In my head, I keep trying to tell myself that she's wrong but, my heart is slowly filling with guilt.
I still love her.
And somehow I still trust her.
But I can't go back to her anymore.
Ugh, I'm so confused.
Her continuous insults become muffled as I dizzily sit down on the arm of our couch, rubbing my temples, completely defeated. She walks towards me, still pointing and yelling, proud she'd finally taken over the argument and now had the power. I just let her carry on whilst I thought things over.
As much as I love her, she's lying right to my face, right in front of me, right now. She's being sly and cunning, I'll give her that. She's convincing me more and more that it's my fault when actually most of this is hers. Yet her pride won't let her admit that. The fact that she lets her pride control her in situations when she should be honest and she's not herself gets to me.
She not being honest. That's the most important thing in any relationship. Honesty. And she's not giving me any of that.
I want her beautifully vulnerable side to come out right now and say she's sorry and it would all be over. I'm a beginner at being cheated on but I know who she really is and I'm willing to give her a second chance. Yet, she'll probably always be the same if no one tells her. So maybe I should tell her? Or is that too mean? But she's being mean to me? Maybe I should do something she doesn't expect? Then maybe she'll stop being so proud and be truthful?
"Leave."
I say it suddenly, standing up with slight more confidence. My body is only a few inches from hers as my stung eyes meet hers on her face. She looks completely taken aback and tilts her head backwards to look at me clearly.
"W-wh-what?" She says, baffled.
"Leave,"
"But-I-"
"Leave."
"Leave?" She whispers.
"Yes. Leave." I say quite directly. It hurts when those words leave my mouth but it's what has to be done. I could tell it broke her off.
She looks down at her feet, tears collecting in her eyes. "Are you serious, Shawn?" she says, her pupils brokenly looking up at mine, also broken.
"Yes," I croak out. We both could sense that we couldn't bring ourselves to
say goodbye in the air between us. She could tell that deep down, I didn't want to let her go. And her face said the same.
But it had to be done.
*Her POV
Looking up at him now, the atmosphere was different. He knew how to turn me from pride-driven to an emotional wreck. I hated being vulnerable, especially around men. Yet this man was different.
Whenever we were together, he didn't feel like the other men. He always gave a wave of something more to me. He is something more. And I was a dipshit to not realise that originally.
Why did I cheat on him? He didn't deserve it. The other men, yes, but him, he was and is everything. He treated me like his whole world. And I didn't treat him like he was mine and looking back on it now, he was and is my whole world. I collided his world with destruction as I went and had sex with the neighbour, a man who could never feel as good or treat me as well as him.
As much as I feel this, he'll never know how I feel, I'm not the vulnerable type. So much of me wants to tell him everything I've just said but I can't. My pride would never allow it. I can't believe I'm choosing myself over someone else...
Actually I can.
I'm a selfish prick who goes and cheats on men because they don't meet my sexual desires. Shawn always did. Cause he loved me. And I loved him. And still do. He deserves more than a cheating bitch like me. He deserves a women who will give him the universe and more. Not someone like me who didn't even realise he was my world and I was his until I fucked everything up.
He's right.
I'm wrong.
I'll leave.
"Okay," I murmur. I scrunch up the sleeves of my tear stained hoodie and I hide my hands in them. His face screams complete shock and surprise from the idea that I've suddenly changed to such an emotional person and that I agreed to leave. But I tried not to get too comfortable with seeing his face as I may never see its beauty again.
I cross my arms close to myself and hang my head low in shame as I walk towards the door. I'll let Shawn have this one. I'll let him see me being vulnerable. He thinks no one should be afraid to be vulnerable so at least I can give him that.
"Hey," Shawn speaks up. I turn around tears pooling down my cheeks as I stop on my path to the spare bedroom.
It's like he's trying to embarrass me or make a thing out of me even more than he already has.
Wait, he's not like that.
I take that back.
Part of me wishes he was like that then I wouldn't of cared if I'd cheated on him.
Shitting hell, that sounds pure evil like that.
I'd never cried like this in front of anyone, not even myself. "That's my hoodie," Shawn states without any eye contact, and instead, floor contact.
I slowly take off the hoodie, breathing the scent of it in to my tired lungs for the last time. It was refreshing but heartbreaking cause I knew I'd never be able to engulf myself in his gorgeous smell again. I folded it up as a peace offering and placed it on the back of the couch. Shawn silently watched my every move like a hawk, desperately not wanting this to be the last time we'd share little things like me wearing his clothes.
I turned back to the spare bedroom and buried my face in my hands as I ran off, hot tears hitting my palms. I closed the door and hit my head against it numerous times, giving myself the pain I deserve. I opened the door so there was a slight crack that allowed me to see into the living room. Shawn was sat on the couch, his face in a cushion as he tried to muffle his crying. Seeing him like that just tore me apart even more and I slid down the door and cried tears I thought would never fall. We were both broken and we could never be fixed.
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Shit, didn't realise how sad this was.
