Cursed Salvation | Bellamy Blake |

chapter twelve

|CHAPTER TWELVE| high stakes

" and it seemed so simple then. if not for her beliefs, she had to to it to keep him safe. "

「✱ ➶ ♕ ♡ 」

The door swings shut silently behind me, not having enough energy to slam it shut, tears streaming down my face. The guard jacket falls from my hands, and when I look back up, Bellamy is standing up from the bed, body tense. The moment I see his eyes break from my appearance, I run into his arms, just needing his comfort. He immediately responds, engulfing me tightly, hands combing through my hair to soothe me. "Can I— is it okay to—" I choke out through the sobs, clutching onto Bellamy's chest. There was no way Pike trusted me, and who knows if that jacket was bugged. It felt as if I had lost all my power again, someone else controlling my life and using me.

  I feel Bellamy nod over my head, "You're safe. I had Monty soundproof us while you were with Pike," He reassures me, not loosening his hold. Bellamy knows better than anyone it helps the shaking stop, and I don't mind. It felt like the only thing to do, anyways. We're in this together now, as we always have been. And will be.

I try to steady my breathing, flexing my hands to try and stop the nails from digging into my palms. I have to try to be better, for my own sake and everyone else's. No part of me wants to do that to them again, but it's not always easy. "B-Bell, he, he—" I stutter, feeling so completely powerless. After Mount Weather, I had told myself I would never go back to feeling that way, and I am dangerously close to that. Bellamy grabs my wrists firmly, seeing the way my hands gravitated towards scratching my forearms, letting my head fall weakly onto his chest.

   "Hey, I'm here, I'm here," Bellamy mumbles, pressing a kiss against my head, before tugging me towards the bed, myself gratefully accepting. With my head on his chest, I try to match my breathing with his, tracing random letters onto his skin. It was similar to after a nightmare, only this time we're awake.

I tie a deep breath, feeling able to talk. "He wanted me to tell him about the grounders. I did," I glance up, finally feeling settled with our legs intertwined and my arms wrapped around him. Bellamy doesn't like to admit it, but he would find any excuse to end up like this. It just feels safe, and at home. "Not that I told him the right things," I scoff, the sound of Bellamy's chuckle causing me to smile. "And then..." I pause, pushing the grounders face out of my head, seeing the trust in his eyes disappear as soon as my finger moved to the trigger. "He made me kill a grounder sent to protect us point blank," My voice is hard, filled with hatred. "To prove my loyalty," I seethe, chest tightening with anger.

I turn my cheek on his chest to see his face, the silence scaring me. After our fight, I almost felt like anything I said could send us tumbling down. But the softness in his eyes reassures me. "That doesn't change who you really are."