I'm Sorry, Mr Stark

Chapter 20

trigger warning: mentions of past self harm ⚠️

Steve and Tony headed upstairs to their bedroom but as they passed Peter's room, Steve heard quiet sobs coming from his room.  "I'll be right in Tony," he said not wanting to worry him.

Tony nodded and as soon as he disappeared into their room, Steve knocked on Peter's door. "Peter?" he asked quietly not wanting to startle him.  He heard the sniffling subside but no answer.

Steve slowly opened the door to find Peter curled up in a ball with red, puffy eyes and the stress ball now in pieces scattered on the floor. He rushed to his side. "What's wrong bud? Did something happen on patrol? Why didn't you come get one of us?" Steve asked in his concerned Cap voice.

Peter's body still flinched at the sight of his door opening so slowly, all too similar to the way Noah would all those dreadful mornings.

"I-I'm fine Steve," was all Peter mumbled out as he quickly wiped his tears away. He didn't want to worry him but he knew Steve would never let him off that easily.

"Well, by the looks of that ball and those tears, I beg to differ. Come on, Pete. Talk to me," Steve pleaded with him, desperately wanting to help him.

Peter just looked down at the ruined pieces of the ball, trying to shield himself from the look of pity he knew Steve was giving him.

Steve just sat there comforting him, wondering what could have possibly went so wrong.  Suddenly a lightbulb went off in his head as he remembered the noise he heard earlier when he was downstairs with Tony and then it all clicked for him.

"You were downstairs earlier.. weren't you," Steve asked more like a statement with a melancholic tone.

Peter looked up at him and just nodded, replaying the image of Tony reaching for his wrists.

"It's all my fault," Peter said so quietly it wasn't even a whisper. However, Steve caught what he said and it shattered him to know that he was blaming himself.

"Pete, look at me. None of that is because of you. Tony has been struggling with this for a long time now and sometimes things just trigger it, just like things trigger you," Steve explained.

"I know but I'm the one who's triggering it!" he snapped.

Steve just looked down at him and saw so much of Tony.  They both held themselves accountable for things they had no control over. 

"Hey, look at me Peter. You can't think of it that way. He's only triggered because he loves you so damn much and would never forgive himself if something happened to you," Steve said attempting to set his mind at ease.

Peter let his words sink in and processed them for a moment before leaning into Steve, as he laid his head gently on his shoulder.

"It's not your fault, kiddo. It's not," he said as he held Peter tightly, reiterating his point so that maybe it would stick in his mind.

They sat there for a few moments, Peter enjoying every second of Steve's presence, as he replayed his comforting words over in his mind, trying to dull the other voices telling him otherwise.

Steve glanced over at what was left of the ball.  "So, I guess this means that you're going to need ball number two, right?" Steve broke the silence trying to crack a joke.

Peter chuckled. "Yeah. But I would get ball number three and four ready too," he joked back. 

Steve laughed but looked down at the frown that had formed back onto Peter's mouth.
"Remember, you are not your thoughts," Steve said firmly.

"I'm starting to think I should get that tattooed on my ass with the amount of times you guys tell me that," Peter quipped.

"Language. And as long as it helps," Steve teased back, ruffling Peter's hair.

"It actually really does. T-Thanks Steve," he said becoming more serious now.

Steve just beamed at him as he gave Peter one last hug before leaving.  Peter went to sleep that night feeling somewhat at ease, replaying Steve's comforting words while trying to block out the image of Tony and his wrists.

When Monday rolled around, Peter woke up feeling satisfied from his talk with Steve and with butterflies in his stomach knowing that he would be able to see Harrison again.

Tony drove him to school and as he was saying goodbye, Tony stopped him. "Oh kid, wait I forgot I have something for you," he said while digging through his pockets. He pulled out a cellphone and handed it to Peter.

"We figured you could use one.  Now you can talk to Ned and maybe even lover boy," he smirked. 

Peter just laughed and gave him a small hug.  "Thank you, Tony," he said as he got out of the car. 

As he walked to class, his eyes scanned the halls for Ned or Harrison.  He was still on edge walking through those halls and hoped one of them would show their faces soon.

"Parker?"

Peter's head swung around to see Harrison walking towards him. His heart began to flutter and his cheeks turned bright red as he prayed he wouldn't notice.

"Hey uh what's up?" Peter smiled and asked awkwardly.

"You look lost.  I thought I was supposed to be the new kid," Harrison teased, gently elbowing him.

Peter giggled. "Yeah well sometimes I like to just stand in the middle of the halls and take in the beautiful scenery," Peter joked back.

Harrison chuckled and swung his arm around Peter.  "Walk me to class?" he asked in the most charming way that Peter could never resist. 

"Y-Yeah sure," He smiled up at him. Peter's heart was pounding so hard that he hoped Harrison wouldn't feel it as they walked to class.  He loved how comfortable he felt around him and how he didn't feel that sense of fear like he normally would when someone touched him without warning.

They talked and joked around all day like they had known each other for years.  Peter only hoped that the feelings were being reciprocated on Harrison's end.

They met up with Ned at lunch and it was clear Ned sensed something between them.  When Harrison left to use the bathroom, he jumped at the opportunity to talk to his friend.

"Okay so what's up with you and Harrison?" Ned asked like a teenage girl, desperately craving the dramatics of it all.

Peter looked at him wide eyed.  "W-What do you mean? N-Nothing," Peter said trying to brush it off, despite knowing Ned knew him way too well for that to work.

"Peter, it's so obvious you guys are flirting with each other! You both have all the subtlety of a hand grenade," Ned teased. 

"Jesus, Ned shut up!" Peter laughed slapping his arm playfully. He took a moment to process what he said. "D-Do you really think he likes me? I mean, why would he?" He said the last part quietly, really only meaning it for himself to hear.

Ned put a comforting hand on his shoulder.  "Peter, you deserve to be happy. Come on, just ask him out!"

Peter chuckled as Harrison came back from the bathroom. "Alright guys, I gotta run to class but I'll catch up with you later," Harrison said waving to both Peter and Ned.

Ned gave Peter an encouraging look and motioned for him to go after Harrison. Peter hesitated for a moment before thanking Ned and gathering his things.

He caught up with Harrison and gently touched his arm from behind to get his attention.  He turned around with his minty green eyes staring deeply into Peter's. "What's up Parker?" he smiled.

"Hey um I-I was wondering if uh maybe you'd want to hang out like after school today or something and um just you know go-

"I'd love to," Harrison said excitedly, cutting Peter off.

"R-Really? Uh o-okay cool. Here, put your number in so we can figure out where to meet after school," Peter said handing him his new phone, trying to keep his cool.

They exchanged numbers and both parted ways, leaving Peter with a million more butterflies than he started with this morning.