Dead On The Inside (A depressed Michelangelo story )

Depression?

Okay after a shit ton of editing, writers block and many tears shed, here is the next part. Important A/N at the end :)

Time skip 4 months

(TW- self harm, mentions of eating disorder)

Donnie's pov

I stretch and let out a sigh. I finally finished the first batch of retro mutagen, with this, we can finally turn Mr. O'neil human again. I look at the time on my laptop screen. 'geez, its already past 2am, better go to bed.'

Standing up, I turn off my devices, and headed to my room, but notice the TV screen is still on. I walk over, and not to my surprise,  see a smol turtle passed out on the floor, the once full pizza box next to him still holding all but one single slice.

I rolled my eyes, it certainly isn't the first time I've seen him sleeping in the lounge area, but Mikey knows better than to fall asleep in front of the TV. I turn it off and gently shook my little brother.

"Mikey, wake up, you should be in bed."

He doesn't stir. So I pick him up, and take him to his room. As I did, I noticed he was super light. 'Was he eating properly??'

I place him down in his bed and tucked him in. Studying his face, I noticed the dark bags under his eyes, and his skin was a little pale.

'This isn't normal, Mikey, just what is going on with you...'

Time skip cause I'm tired

Calm one minute and angry the next. Raph sure had some...issues, but the only real problem is his lack of self control with his emotions.

And what happened at dinner was a huge example of it. Leo, Raph, surprisingly Mikey, sensei and I were sitting at the table in the kitchen enjoying some homemade sushi.

Both Leo and Raph had 2 rolls, I've had 1 and a half, and sensei had some kind of soup? I don't know. However Mikey barely had a bite out of his food, he just sat hunched over elbow in the table supporting his head, playing around with the roll using his chopsticks.

'So, uhm, how was everyone's day?" I ask. Leo answered with a short speech about what he'd done today, sensei just said it was good and Raph shrugged his shoulder. But Mikey? He didn't answer at all, it looked as though his head was elsewhere. "Uh Mikey, you good?" I tapped him on the shoulder and his body jolted up. "Huh? Sorry I zoned out, what was that Don?" " I  just asked how your day was, you okay?"

He didn't reply right away, as if he was coming up with the perfect answer.

"Yah, I'm allg D, and my day was fine, I'm actually kinda tired so I'm just gonna go to my room if that's alright with you sensei??". Master splinter nodded and left the kitchen. Mikey quickly thanked him. He stood up and threw out his food. Raph scoffed. " God Mikey that's such a waste of food, you know how hard it is to get right? You're so inconsiderate." 

I sat there shocked, Mikey looked down at his feet, and went silent. "Raph what the heck?! It's not his fault if he's not hungry." Leo said crossing his arms. "No. All he does is mess up at everything and wastes things we can't get a lot of, he's a selfish brat and I cant believe your sticking up for him." 

I looked over at Mikey, and his expression was... unreadable. "I...I'm sorry." Mikey croaked, clearly on the verge of tears. He didn't say anything else and just left to his room.

I turned to face Raph. "What the hell is wrong with you Raph, you really upset Mikey." Raph raised his voice. "All I did was say the truth, it's about time he learns that the way he acts isn't appropriate anymore, he need to grow up." I look over at Leo for support, he sighs " Raph, what you said was uncalled for, perhaps instead of getting angry at him for no reason, you could talk to us about it, more importantly, show some restraint with what you say." 

"But Leo you know I'm right, we're sixteen years old and he still acts like he's eight. How many times has he put our lives in jeopardy because he goofs around or doesn't pay any attention to us or his surroundings?" Raph states, Leo thinks for a moment, he cant be seriously thinking...

"Well, that's true, he does mess around a lot, maybe its best if he takes a break from missions..." I  interrupt him. "No way fearless, you cant be serious, he may act young but he's great, if not more capable of focusing and fighting than the rest of us."  

"Donnie I've made up my mind, I think its best if we pull Mikey from topside missions until further notice." Leo stated. Raph smirked and I just stood there. "So, what now?" I asked, but I knew what his answer would be. "We go talk to Mikey, but not right now, he needs some time to himself, we'll tell him in the morning". Raph just nodded and walked off, and Leo cleaned up the kitchen.

I went to my lab, lost in thought.

Mikey's pov

I shut my door, and slid my back down the cool metal. What was Leo thinking, they were kicking me from the team?! My body felt heavy and my head had a dull ache. What Raph said was playing on loop in my head. Of course his little out bursts at me weren't new, but those last words he said to me really hurt. 

One tear fell, then another, and soon I couldn't stop them. I hugged my knees to my chest for some kind of comfort, but to little avail. Unsure of how much time had passed, I checked the time on my T-phone, 2:36am. It's been roughly an hour since dinner, not that I ate any, like Raph said I'm such a waste and they need the food more than me. Sure I was hungry, in fact the stomach pains I got were sometimes unbearable, but i just cant bring myself to eat, and its one less mouth to feed. 

Not even realizing that i had been scratching my bandages on my wrists, they became loose. I sighed and got up.  I lifted up the mattress on my bed, and grabbed a small box that was hidden in the corner, opening it i sat on the floor and took out the bandages and tissues.

(TW self harm)

I let out a shaky breath as I placed the blade of my nun-chucks to my skin. Before i knew it, blood dripped onto the floor and my wrists stung, but it felt relieving.  If the other found out, i know they'd be disappointed, and most likely punish me.  

I stopped, and looked at my work. Six new cuts, four on my left wrist and two on the right. I wanted to cry, scream and punch something, but i couldn't. I didn't have the energy so I just clean up my cuts wrapped them up and hid the box back under my mattress. 

I flopped face first onto my bed, i was exhausted. My stomach started to cramp, and my wrist hurt bad, but i don't have any tears left to cry, and eventually i passed out, dreading of what was to come when i wake up.

(word count- 1,358)

A/N 

HOLY SHIT I AM SOOOO SORRY FOR NOT UPLOADING THIS CHAPTER

The reason being is I started this book back when my mental health was way worse, and this book was a sort of way to vent if you will. I've been doing a lot better and I lost inspiration for this. But I am back and posting, it is my last term of school so I'm going to be busy, with studying for the HSC as well as other stuff, (Like personal things)

Works cant express how grateful/thankful I am with you my readers and followers for sticking with me for so long. So I'll try my very best to upload more and rewrite my older stories

Thank you all. 

~Chaobea out~