Dead On The Inside (A depressed Michelangelo story )

Gone

TW- Okay readers,  decided to split this into two parts lmao. This chapter and the next is all one big tw so please PLEASE do not read if you're easily triggered. Otherwise, enjoy??

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6qvkGWgMtpM6kEm87ZvAUe?si=7d4d053cac484259

The songs i listened to while writing this are linked above.

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The youngest turtle laid on his bed, staring at the worn ceiling above him. It had been another sleepless night for the weary boy and it was getting to him. Now not a single day had gone by that he didn't feel like absolute shit. His eyes, which were once full of light and love now only showed emptiness and loss. His body, the one thing he loved most; used to be healthy and strong has now degenerated and become alarmingly frail.

His thoughts were now always negative, he overanalyzed everything he did, and he felt compelled to punish himself practically constantly. It was weird and kind of funny in a way. However one thing had been on his mind lately. He'd never thought about it directly, only occasionally, when it got really bad. He'd never actually considered it until a few weeks ago when his brothers decided that he didn't matter unless he changed. But now the fragile teen had changed, and it certainly wasn't for the better.

Mikey didn't know what to think, but one thing was for certain. He wanted the pain to stop. For his brothers to actually love and care, for at least one day to go by when he didn't hate himself and when he actually cared about anything other than being normal and not a total screw up. Killing himself sounded like the only way to fix this, and thinking about it no one would actually care if he took his life.

Mikey knew that it's the coward way out, heck he was probably the worlds biggest idiot for actually considering it. But the way he saw it he doesn't have any other choice, he just prayed that he would finally be at peace.

Now, when was he going to do it, and how? Mikey though carefully about this, as one wrong move or action and his brothers could stop him, and punish him for being so childish and dumb. After much thought he decided he would kill himself in two days, give himself time to plan some more and for him to say goodbye to his family...

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Raph's pov (For a change lmao)

It was time for some morning training, and i was sparing with Leo. Donnie was practicing his kata with sensei cause Mikey was no where to be found, i mean he is grounded so I guess he's just in his room doing god knows what.

Leo charged at me with his katana, and i lean back as i block it with my Sai's. I push him off and go for a sweep the leg. Leo jumps milliseconds before I get to him and dodges it. He then lands with a thud and swings his blade crossways to at my head, but i sidestep and roll out of the blades path. He clicks his tongue in annoyance. I smirk and stand up straight as he takes out his second katana and runs at me. We block and dodge each others attacks, with each time the metal of our weapons hit clinks and chings filled the dojo. This went on for a while. Or so it seemed to because we hear sensei shout.

"Yame!" We imedientlly stop,  as all three of us sit on the floor In front of sensei. "It seems as though you boys have improved your skills, well done, but might I ask where your brother is?".

We exchanged glances, but said nothing. Leo was the one to speak up. "Well Sensei, he's most likely in his room, playing games or something like that. Come to think of it, I've seen him training by himself but he's never with us when we're all in the dojo." Splinter raised an eyebrow. "Hmm, I sense there is more to his recent actions and behaviors then what's on the surface, would you care to explain to me why you think that might be?"