The Paragon

Chapter Twenty-One

"Dammit," I said, finding myself in that white void again, staring into the face of my long-dead mother. Tears pricked at my eyes uncomfortably. "Dammit, Mom, what am I doing here? What do you want?"

Distant words echoed in my mind, still too quiet to hear as her mouth moved. "Mom, you have to tell me what to do," I begged. "I don't know what I'm doing. I don't have any instincts to follow. I need your help."

Mom reached out to me then, her hand rest on my cheek. The place where she touched felt warm, like the rays of sunlight touching you for the first time when you come out of a cold building. I could barely keep from gasping at the sensation, tears flowing over down my cheeks at the mere thought of my mother touching me again after so long.

"You do know what to do, Imogen," she said. Her voice was clear—it echoed strangely and wobbled as though it traveled through water, but I could understand every word. "You have to trust yourself first. You know what to do."

***

I woke suddenly, eyes snapping open as soon as my consciousness returned. A sense of déjà vu wash over me as I once again stared up at the metal ceiling. I recognized it immediately; I was back on the Jasmina. I sat up, quickly, feeling everything suddenly get very wavy and woozy as I did so.

"Immy, wait." I heard Phoenix's voice and turned my head to see him shooting up from the chair he sat in beside my bed. He put a hand gently on my shoulder, guiding me to lay back down; I struggled only slightly, but obeyed when the room kept spinning. "Don't sit up. How do you feel? Are you in pain?" His hand moved from my shoulder to rest on my forehead, then brush against my cheek.

"I'm just...I...what happened? Where's Eli?" I demanded, attempting to sit up again as the memories from before came flooding back. Tears pricked at my eyes as I remembered Eli screaming to be let off the shuttle, to go back for Casp.

Casp....

My hands found their way to my hair automatically, gripping it tightly as everything became very real very quickly. My breathing sped up. "Calm down," Phoenix guided, his voice laced with worry. He put a hand behind my back, sitting me up to a more reclining position with a pillow tucked behind my back. "Take a breath. You're safe right now. Eli's safe."

"Casp," I gasped as the tears fell from my eyes. "Casp."

Phoenix didn't have a response right away. "I know," he said quietly. "I know." He kept a hand on my shoulder as I started to sob, the full reality of the situation hitting me.

I don't know how long I sat there, crying, but eventually the tears stopped. I tried to catch my breath, and found that I could breathe without pain. My hand went to my ribs, feeling around. They were a bit sore, but no longer broken. "I'm okay?" I asked Phoenix, my voice still heavy with tears.

He nodded. "The healers onboard fixed you up when we got back."

"How long has it been?"

"A day and a half."

I exhaled in slight shock. "A day and a half," I repeated. Then I looked up at Phoenix sharply. "Where's my brother?" I demanded.

***

I could hear Eli's sobs before his door opened. He was sitting on his bed, face in his hands as his shoulders shook with the force of his tears; I felt my own chest seize up at the sight of him in so much pain. He looked up upon hearing the door open; the sight of his red, puffy face was too much, and my own tears threatened to overflow again.

"Immy..." he said, his voice thick with emotion. "Oh, spirits, you're...I'm sorry I wasn't there, I just...I can't...I'm..." His words cut off as another sob rose in his throat and he brought his fist to his mouth as though to stop the sound from escaping.