The Paragon

Chapter Twenty-Three

Restful sleep was never going to be mine to have.

I was roused by the sound of voices nearby. I opened my eyes to find myself alone in the room, Phoenix nowhere in sight. His cloak was still on the dresser and when I peeked over the edge of the bed, his shoes were there as well. Listening in to the voices, I realized that one was him, one was Nadia, and the conversation was tense.

This was a familiar situation.

"You've lost your mind," Nadia said. Her tone was something I'd not heard from her before—there was bitterness in it above all. "Are you insane enough to think this is a good idea?"

"I didn't come up with it as an idea; sometimes things just happen, Nadia," Phoenix argued back. "This isn't something I thought out or planned."

"Clearly not. We're going to war, Phoenix. That much is evident. And the Paragon will have a part in that war. How are you going to handle that, if you let yourself become so personally attached?"

"How dare you imply I shouldn't be personally attached?" Phoenix sounded hurt. "That's an afront to our entire society, that I shouldn't be personally attached to the Paragon. Especially as her Keeper!"

"You absolutely know what I mean, Phoenix," Nadia shot back, clearly not intimidated.

"Nadia, you cannot order me on this," Phoenix said. "This is none of your choice. It's hers and it's mine, and not yours. I'm sorry if it upsets you."

There was a long pause. "Have you told her about Mae?" Nadia asked then, and I felt all my blood run cold as there was no response from Phoenix. "Don't you still love her?"

"Of course I do," Phoenix said. "I'll always love her. But she's gone."

"How fortunate you are that the girl you love and the Paragon are now one and the same," she continued, the bitterness in her voice growing higher than ever. "You'll never be forced to choose, at least."

"You know I made the right choice," Phoenix said. "We both know that."

"Of course it was the right choice; that doesn't make it any less painful," Nadia replied.

"What was I supposed to do? She was a Guardian; you knew that's what she was in danger of every time. I was just an apprentice. I shouldn't have even been there! I begged for the chance to go along, and it wasn't for my steadfast dedication to the Paragon, not really. I wanted..." Phoenix trailed off, and I heard a soft thunk as a fist hit the wall outside. "I wanted to protect her."

Another long silence, before Nadia spoke. "I'll call you both to the bridge when I need you. We should make landfall in a few hours."

Her footsteps traveled away and disappeared, and another long moment later I heard Phoenix approach the door, and it slide open the let him in. I made the split second decision to shut my eyes again, feigning sleep. Phoenix quietly walked across the room, sliding back into bed beside me, carefully replacing his arms around me.

So that was his horrible past. Some lost love, probably gone in that same battle he lost his arm. And Nadia involved somehow. I couldn't help it as a mixture of emotions—sadness, anger, grief, even jealousy—clawed their way through my body. Why couldn't he just tell me this? How could he kiss me like he did and not tell me he was still in love with someone from his past?

I didn't fall back to sleep, and I could tell Phoenix didn't either. I wondered if we were both aware of the other's wakefulness, just lying there holding each other, and mulling over our own thoughts. Did he know I'd heard him?

Would he ever trust me, truly?

Whether he knew I was awake or not was never clear—what must have been a couple of hours later, both of our communicators buzzed. I felt Phoenix reach for his, and then him nudging me to hand me my own. I opened my eyes to look up at him. His eyes were the same as they always were, those deep dark pools I could spend ages looking into. Soft as they looked into mine, but determination behind them.

"Landfall," he said simply. "Let's go."

***

When we got to the bridge, Nadia was there. I felt like she didn't actually sleep; she always seemed to be on the bridge. It was the dead of night, I could see out the front window. But there was land in the distance, from what I could see; we'd made it. We'd really made it. I stopped in shock for a moment, staring at the sight until Nadia's voice shook me from it. "Paragon, I'm sorry to disturb you," she said. "We've made contact with another ship, a Redcloak ship, and—"

"I'm still waiting," came a crackling voice from the intercom. It was a man I didn't know, voice deep and melodic.

Nadia flipped a switch on the center console. "She's here now," was Nadia's short reply. She shook her head, seemingly incapable of explaining, and simply gestured that I should talk. "This is Paragon Imogen Reid," I said loudly and clearly. "My ship comes in peace, fleeing persecution of the Empire. Who are you?"

The display shuddered as an image suddenly appeared—a man not much older than I, seeming confident in his stance. In the muted colors of the hologram, I could tell his messy hair was blonde, and he wore the uniform of a Redcloak. I straightened my own stance almost unconsciously, in case my image was coming through now as well.

The man smiled curiously. "Hello, Paragon Imogen Reid," he greeted. "My name is Paragon Kieran North. Welcome to the Free Nations."