You Are My Sunshine (BxB)

7:Eight letters

      "Isn't it amazing,
how every line on our hands align,
When your hand is in mine.
Like I'm whole again.
Isn't that a sign,
I should speak my mind......"

🌻🌻🌻

It had been two days since Nikko came over to my house and I has started to question my sexuality.

1) I find him extremely cute and adorable.

2) I have a sudden urge to touch him ( sometimes also kiss him) whenever he is near me.

3) I miss him when he is not around even for a second.

4) I think about him all the time.

5) I get jealous when I see him stand close to somebody else.

6) My heart flutters everytime he smiles.

7) My skin tingles when we stand close.

And lastly,
8) I get a boner when I think about him shirtless.
And I actually think about him lying shirtless in my bed.

  I could just go on

   I've never felt like this before. Not for a guy.

Am I gay?

Is this wrong? But when I'm with Nikko everything everything feels just right.

I like Nikko. I definately like him as a friend.

But do I like him like that?

Maybe I do.

I think I do.

I picked up a canvas and started to paint my thoughts.

The end result— A sweet boy standing in a field full of daizies.

~~~

      It was a Saturday night. People were probably partying in the dorms. Connor had gone to one of those dorm parties. But here I was at Zara's house, watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. all afternoon and eating pizza. But I was thankful that Nikko was here to give me and  Zara company.

"Whoa. We just completed watching all seasons in one day." Nikko said and I looked up from the drawing I was making. Zara's sister had to make some diagrams for biology and I readily agreed to help.
      Zara and Nikko talked for a few minutes about how it was fun and that they should do this more often before I spoke up-
"Nikko I think we should leave. It's getting late. You need to get back to the dorms."

       Nikko agreed. We said our good byes and got into my car.

      Nikko turned on the radio. Eight letters by Why Don't We
was playing in the car and Nikko was sweetly humming the tune.

        I saw him from the corner of my eye. He was drumming his fingers on his thighs and nodding his head to the tune. A small permanant smile was on his face and a similar smile made it's way to my lips.
      Nikko turned in my direction and I found myself getting lost in his brown eyes. The song was faint in the background but the lyrics were running in my head.

'If all it is is eight letters
Why is it so hard to say?'

I like you. I wanted to scream and tell Nikko how much I like him. But I just couldn't.

'If all it is is eight letters
Why am I in my own way?'

Will I ever find the  courage to tell him that I like him? I want him to know how I feel about him.

'Why do I pull you close
And then ask you for space?'

But I'm afraid. What if he doesn't like me back?
He's a guy. Am I gay?

'If all it is is eight letters
Why is it so hard to say?'

       We reached our destination. Here I was, opposite to the college dorms, in my car, alone with Nikko and with no courage to say out those eight letters aloud.

"Thanks Jullian." He said.

I looked up at him. He looks beautiful. The moonlight was lighting up his pale skin making him look as if he was made of silver. I wanted to reach out and touch his skin.

       I like you Nikko Kim. I wanted to say these word out aloud.

      Instead I just sat there staring at him with a defeated look on my face.

      Nikko seemed to sense my worry and so he reached out and placed his hand on mine.

      This seemed to give me a little hope, a little courage.

     I reached out and pulled him in for a kiss. His body tensed a bit but then he gave in and started moving to the rythm. Our lips danced  in sync with each other. There was a warm feeling in my body.

        His lips were soft. Like flowers. His lips were sweet. Like honey. His lips were warm. Like marshmellow s'mores.
      
            Electricity ran through my veins. My heart was pounding against my ribs. My skin felt ticklish and I knew I had goosebumps.

         Saying that the kiss felt amazing was an understatement. This was the best feeling in the world. And I just wanted to go on and kiss him for the next thousand million seconds I spend on this planet.
    But Nikko gently pulled away and I whined at the loss of touch.

       I opened my eyes but saw a blank expression on his face which turned to hurt.
        I felt the guilt overcome. I looked down at my hands but I could feel Nikko's eyes still on me.

Don't look at me like that. Say something.

"Say something." Nikko told me.

My heart beat paced up and I felt like I was going to pass out.

"I'm sorry. I..."
    Before I could finish speaking, Nikko got out of the car and ran towards the dorms, not looking back even once.

'If all it is is eight letters
Why is it so hard to say?'

The song came to an end.
Maybe our friendship too came to an end.