Bare

three - no bullshit

Livia

It's easier to slowly drown than to fight your way back up to the surface.

It's easier to think you're not good enough, instead of building up the courage to admit your potential and give it a try.

It's easier to keep coming up with excuses as to why you can't do it than to actually get your shit together and go for it.

I realize, I've always done it. I've always justified my actions with 'that's who I am' or 'I'm just fucked up'. And that's on me.

Not my shitty father. Not my careless mother. Not my assholes siblings.

It's on me.

I don't think I can ever say it out loud though, because it would finalize it, it would become real for good.

'

"I like this shirt. I've never seen you wear it though." William holds up the dark red button-up shirt to show it to me before putting it in my closet.

"It's not mine. Noor's."

We were currently in my room, unpacking my stuff and I had so many fucking clothes, I was thinking of burning them all to save me the trouble.

"Figured. Totally not your style. Ew, now that's an ugly skirt. Obviously yours." He stares at it in disgust before throwing it in the closet.

"Oi! Hang it up."

"Can I sort your drawers please? It's way easier."

"Fine." I sigh in frustration, taking in the mess that was my room. I was a tidy person, I couldn't live in a messy place; it irritated the fuck out of me.

"Okay, Noor wasn't kidding when she said your boobs are getting bigger." William comments, holding up my white plunge bra then blatantly staring at my chest as if to compare sizes. "But they don't look this size."

Oh dear God.

Before I could reply, the door to my room flies open. Roy is met with the sight of William trying on my bra.

He pauses a moment, scanning William from head to toe before he turns to me.

"Did you know you'll be going to my university?" He questions, crossing his arms across his chest and tapping his foot on the floor irritatingly.

What's up his ass?

"Yep."

"Also the same faculty?"

I didn't know that.

"Really? What are you majoring in?"

"Physics." He replies shortly, then he glances at Will who's putting my boxers in the drawer.

Yes, I wear boxers because panties annoy me and make my skin itch and they're just a pain in the ass –sometimes literally-

"Well anyway, we'll have to drive together because my car's at the mechanic. Do you still have a car?"

"It's in my garage." William answers for me, startling Roy. "We'll have to check it though, since it's been unused for a year now. If you both need it soon, I could drive you to your college, it's not a problem."

I have the urge to hug William right now, he's so sweet while Roy's being a brat. He doesn't even need me to drive him, he can very much afford a cab or renting a car.

I step in before Roy could answer.

"It's fine Will, we'll need it for Monday, there's still time to get it checked out."

"Thanks anyway." Roy surprises both of us by saying before he leaves the room.

"He's not that bad." William mumbles.

"You say that because you don't know him yet. Plus, you obviously find him hot."

"Not as hot as you." That's why he's my best friend.

"Duh."

He throws a pillow right in my face. I'm too lazy to duck.

~

An hour later, my clothes are sorted in the closet, my makeup and accessories organized on my night table, my books stacked on the book cases. William insisted I should decorate so here we are putting some pictures, most of them memories in Vancouver with the best friends I made there, Noor and Zen.

"Here's when Zen and I pretended to be tourist guides to a bunch of Arabs while all we did was google everything. I was also remembering how to speak Arabic properly." I explained, my eyes fixed on both our smiles in the photo. Zen was wearing a head band and stylish sunglasses that he stole from Noor. "But Noor kept reminding us how unethical of us it was to do so and she ditched us to go shopping."

William chuckles quietly. "That seems like her. Remind me how they speak Arabic again?"

"They're both Syrian refugees. Although they've been living in Canada for a long time now, I don't know if they have the nationality yet."

"So they've been through war?"

"Yeah and they were only children." I take a deep breath. "I wouldn't want to know if I were you. Noor and I once had a brief conversation about it; I cried all night, just imagining what they went through and I ended up upsetting her so..."

"It couldn't have been easy..."

"Let's just change the subject." I decide, blinking back the tears that were forming.

Noor and Zen mean the world to me. Just the thought of their past and the pain they've been through; it completely shatters my heart.

William grabs another picture from the box. "Who's that?"

It's Rafael and I sitting on the hood of a car. There was an outdoor party and we were both perfectly sober. I realized I liked him for the first time that day.

"Rafael."

It's funny how mentioning someone's name could leave you feeling all sorts of emotions.

"Oh."

"Hey, Liv?" His voice is quiet and tentative.

I turn to him, giving him my attention.

"Are you okay?"

I stay quiet, pondering over the best answer I could give him.

"I'm not." His light brown eyes cloud with worry and I tug at his hand, squeezing it lightly to reassure him. "But I will be, eventually."

"Do you... Do you think it would help if you talked to someone?"

"As in someone professional?"

"Yes."

"I don't know... I mean of course it would help, it's their job to help. But I'm not sure I have the guts, or the money. And asking Khalid is out of the question."

"Why?"

I struggle to keep the frustration out of my tone. "You of all people should know the answer to that Will. He's already paying for my tuition and I don't hear the end of it. Plus, he already thinks I'm a lost cause, how do you think he'll respond if I told him I'm going to therapy?"

"So it's about your ego, isn't it?" He narrows his eyes at me, his gaze hard and challenging.

"No, it's about my dignity."

"Oh c'mon Liv, don't bullshit me. You're choosing your ego over your well being. Just ask him for money and get a job to pay him back."

"He won't accept the money. That's what he does, he just gives and doesn't take back so he can have some sort of leverage over you-"

"The Livia I know would make him accept it."

~

short chapter today :/ 

what do you think of Roy? Is he as bad as Livia pictures him? 

ALSO HOW CUTE IS WILLIAM ASJKDSFHS