River Dreams

What the darkness carries.

Chapter One: What the Darkness Carries

VERA

"There's a fire in the basement, the one I call my veins,

There's ash in the attic, the one I call my brain,

There's a ghost who calls himself mine,

With fingertips of disillusion,

There's a voice in my mind that suffers from intrusion,

There are piles of pills sleeping on my tongue,

Once there was two and now there is none."

The sound of my footsteps resonated around me in an insufferable melody as the low hum of spring echoed outside my bedroom window. The sound had found its way into the catastrophic symphony of voices, creating a sort of bass for the screams to tune into. For a moment it felt like music, a haunting beat that dragged its notes across the surface of my skull and momentarily knocked the wind out of me.

I could feel my skin prickle under the thin cotton fabric of my shirt as the soles of my feet buzzed, I felt foreign under my own skin, like an outsider in the skeleton of my thoughts. My veins were on fire, it ran up and down my arms and made me want to scream. It was agony.

The taste of iron consumed me, the feel of it pulling my senses into a frenzy as my hands pulled at the hem of my t-shirt. I assured myself that the taste of blood was my own, I had bitten my lip too hard, this had happened before.

My thoughts broke through the ever growing sound of voices, some screamed bloody murder whilst others spoke in such quiet voices that they seemed to evaporate almost instantly.

It had been a bad week that much I was sure of, the voices had stayed away for a while, the pills had done their job but now they were back with a vengeance, and I was losing.

I stopped my pacing and pulled at my hair before letting it fall down my back, my head was pounding by the time I resumed my chaotic march. It helped to walk.

My legs straightened into stiff planks of wood, the cracking sound of splintering bones echoed in the hollow silence as I choked on my incoherent words. I was on fire, I could hear my skin crackle in the flames of my imagination as the ashes of my thoughts polluted my lungs.

My gaze turned towards the open window, I could still hear the sound of distant howls and weary chatter of colliding branches. The sound rocked me into a peaceful lull of rest, my body swayed with its tune as I hummed along to the sporadic rustling of leaves.

My hands reached out into the empty space in hopes to grab ahold of that calm, to nestle it closer to my chest and become whole once again. To bare such peace was the cure to the frantic screams, the ones that dwelled deep within the space between my cranium and blood.

I resumed my pacing, the skin on the back of my arms tightened as a wave of cold ran over me. I turned on my heels, almost toppling over as my hands scratched the surface of my arms. My finger nails dug deeper into my skin as I felt a thin layer of sweat break out across my forehead.

"Go outside," I mumbled aloud, "get some air."

I staggered towards the window, crashing into furniture as I did so.

I pushed through and collapsed onto the roof, for a moment I thought I had fainted, a million speckles of light obscured my vision and steadied themselves onto a dark background like a blurry vision of heaven. Maybe I was dead. I blinked rapidly as my heart rate escalated, I almost smiled when I realized I was looking up towards the dark sky.