Ophiuchus

Before

Sometime after Camille had left for school on that dreadful morning, Matthew had finally decided to get out of bed. Since most of his things had been gotten rid of or burned by his father, he had been stuck with only a few things that Camille had managed to salvage for him. He pulled on a pair of jeans and one of Daniel's t-shirts and headed downstairs.

In the dining room, he found his parents gathered around the table with what looked to be a whole stack of papers and brochures and what looked to be a military recruitment officer. His red cap with the german coat of arms stood out vibrantly against his green and brown camouflage uniform. There was a look of utter seriousness in his eyes; only his mouth moved when he spoke, the rest of his face remain stiffened.

"What's going on?" Matthew asked upon entering the room.  Strangely enough, his father brightened up at his presence. "Ah Matthew! It's just about time you came down. I'd like you to meet Oberstleutnant Linus Hans Eichman of the 34th infantry. He's a recruitment officer from the Berlin Military base."

The lieutenant colonel rose and shook Matthew's hand. "A pleasure to meet you Matthew. I've heard great things about you from your father."

From the look on his son's face, George gets up and pulls out a chair for Matthew and begins explaining.

"You see Matthew, I've been speaking to the Colonel for some time and he's expressed an interest in you. I told him about your... "situation" and the Colonel has told me many boys go through a similar phase and have found that joining the Berlin Military Academy have helped them get a better grasp on taking life seriously, especially with their becoming of a real man."

"I am a real man." Matthew spat. "I don't some fucking boot camp to become one."

George sighed and frowned at him. "You see Matthew, you don't get a choice. We've already signed all the papers-"

"You can't make me do anything. I'm an adult!"

"Then start acting like one." His father glowered with anger. "You're signing these papers."

Matthew got up from his chair, shoving it back. "I'll leave if that's what you want! I'll leave and never come back. Throw me out,  just like you did with Moritz!"

It was a swift motion that left his cheek red and stinging. Matthew clenched his jaw.

George laughed. He swung an arm around Matthew's shoulder and led him towards the hall. "Matthew, you're nineteen years old. It's time you learned a little bit about taking responsibility and start growing up. A real man falls in love with a woman, not a another man. And if you think that's what love is, then you're going to suffer a hard life." George continued. "You need to start acting serious. No more playing silly games. No more of this "I'm gay and it's who I am" bullshit. It's unnatural and completely unacceptable."

His father sighed and walked over to the windows. Outside, the wind was blowing, tossing colorful leaves about in the fields. The sky was grey and the sun appeared to be hiding away from the rest of the world.

"Just look at your uncle Moritz. He lives in the woods all by himself. He's been cut off from the rest of society because he refuses to change his fucked up ways. That's what's going to happen to you if you don't start taking your life seriously. The entire world will cut its ties with you and you'll become a lonely outsider." He turned around to face him, a look of malice burning like incense in his eyes. "Is that what you want? To be an unwanted, and unloved piece of shit? Because that's where you'll be headed."

He turned away from the windows and brushed past Matthew. He stopped in the entryway with his back turned toward him.

"Do the right thing Matthew, and sign those damn papers."

In the end, Matthew had no choice but to sign away his life to the military. His father, for the first time in years hugged him and for once in his life told him he was proud of him. His mother cried tears of joy, but Matthew wondered if she was just tipsy from the vodka she'd been sipping on. George disappeared off to work and Regina back to bed. Everything was back to normal, his father got what he wanted, his mother might have had a reason to stop drinking and perhaps even Camille might've even caught a break from all the emotional distress she'd been through.

As Matthew was driving down to Stralsund, he found himself caught in a dangerous web of thoughts. If sending him say to someplace far away where he wouldn't be heard from in ages, perhaps joining the military academy wasn't the sole solution to his problems, he thought. Maybe there was a solution, clear as day, that might bring him the peace he  deserved, and his family the happiness they so very much craved.

The road going up to Stralsund twisted intricately like a snake. Signs in nearly every language warned drivers of driving very slowly and cautiously, as it was a very narrow road where it was easily able to lose control of your car. Matthew couldn't help that his foot was sleeping on the accelerator, while his mind was wide awake, dreaming about a place where the sky wasn't grey, where the air was clean and the sun was always shining. He was distraught and detached from the real world, that he couldn't help that his car had veered off the road as it sloped downward. He found himself jerking the wheel to the left, his foot pressing harder on the accelerator, as the car headed toward the edge of the lake. He closed his eyes, to savor the moment, the most defining moment of his life.

When he opened his eyes again, he found himself in a completely different world. He was in a white room, wrapped in white sheets, wearing a white gown, while  white clothed men and women circled about him. He wondered if he really had made it to heaven, despite never having really believed in God.

When he looked up, he saw a ceiling. A ceiling with obnoxiously bright lights and square shaped tiles and water sprinklers. Where was God? Where was the sky? The golden gates with all the saints? The clouds and sunshine?

He shifted again and his whole body hurt. The world came into focus. In walked in a doctor and two nurses in white scrubs. Beside him a monitor beeped, mapping his heartbeat.

He'd never felt worse about being alive.