𝕃𝕒𝕤𝕥 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕜𝕚𝕤𝕤 - 𝕁𝔼ℕℤ𝕀𝔼

epilouge

if you could listen to the song while reading it would help the moment :/

dear johnny,
why am i writing this knowing you'll never be able to see it. writing thinking that maybe one day you'll wake up and read this and we'll cry together. The day you left me i didn't feel me anymore. i didn't feel like the happy mackenzie i was. to this day i still don't. who knew a year from now i still cry everyday and watch our old
memories. Every paragraph, every 'you're beautiful', every smile you gave me. When you left me i was heartbroken and confused why this was happening to me. Every wish we had together was gone. Getting married one day was gone. Naming our kids was gone and there's nothing i can do about it. I wish i could go back in time and hug you harder, kiss you harder just love you harder. Take back every time i got mad you. Take back every time we argued and replace it with me apologizing for being immature. Cuddle with you longer. Do more things with you longer. Say i love you sooner. Appreciate you more. I hated myself and thought i was fat and ugly and no boy would ever love me. When i fell in love with you and you told me differently i thought differently. If i ever get fat or ugly i would think "there's no point if johnny likes me i should be confident" I loved you so much and didn't say it because i was too scared. I was too scared of losing you after i said it. I could have the worst day of my fucking life and see you and you'd change everything in a second. You lit up every room you walked in. I wish i could go back and stay with you. drive with you home. maybe i could've prevented the wreck. Every love song i hear reminded me of you. they still do. the year knowing you changed my life drastically. I never knew how hard i could fall for someone till i met you. I will never fall for anyone as hard as i fell for you. The nights we cuddled and talked about everything. Took picture together. played games. Talked about every little thing in our life. you scratching my back till i fell asleep. singing our favorite love songs together. Listening to them as we fell asleep. Taking walks together late at night hand in hand just you and me talking. I will forever cherish our moments together johnny orlando. i love you forever and always.

the end.
my ex broke up with me a week ago. so this is how i felt and just wrote it. bye