𝕃𝕒𝕤𝕥 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕜𝕚𝕤𝕤 - 𝕁𝔼ℕℤ𝕀𝔼

13 - Heart break

C H A P T E R T H I R T E E N

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SLEEP WAS ALL I DID.
I couldn't even cry anymore my body was so tired and broken. I haven't ate for days or talked to anyone. Sleeping was best for me, because when i sleep, i don't think.

When i was awake i wanted to die. When i was awake i wanted to cry. When i was awake i wanted to be with him. When i'm asleep i'm with him in my dreams.

"mackenzie you okay" Maddie opens my door. I can't even lift my head to look at her i just nod. It's easier than explaining how i feel. It'll just make it worse. "here's a glass of water i love you" she sits it down and walks out.

Yes i know i shouldn't be pushing the people that could help me away but the only thing that could help me was him. He made me happy when i was sad he hugged me while i cried. He held my hand when i was nervous... and now it's gone. I have no one to make me feel that way anymore.

The way he said my name hurt. The way he smiled hurt. Everything i think about him hurt to much to even think about. What am i doing.

I should've hugged you harder the last time i saw you.

i should've kissed you harder the last time i saw you.

I'm so sorry baby. I should've loved him harder. I should've told him how much he meant to me. So many things i should've done differently. God. I let out a sob into my pillow. Till i fall asleep again forgetting the world.

3:23 am
i wake up and instantly remember what happened and start crying. I go through our pictures and videos crying.

(watch video)

I call him just to listen to his voicemail.

hey it's juan at least that's what my girlfriend calls me

he laughs

if i don't answer i'm obviously away but i'll call you back later.

tears filling my eyes i throw the phone across the room and throw my face in the pillow.