Love and Loss

Chapter 4: Tell Me a Secret

I once again found myself turning another corner. The sounds of drunk people laughing were faint, but I heard them. 

That laughing...

I took a deep breathe. 

This memory was the one that I was dreading that I'd have to recall. But, there's no use in blocking it out now. After all, it was my fault what happened afterwards. The memories that this one would lead me to were the reasons why I didn't want to do this, but the affects those moments had on him were much more substantial than mine. I need to at least visit him after all these years, even though I knew what was waiting waiting for me.

I focus my gaze forwards as the first images of that night resurfaced in my mind.

Paul was giggling, his hand wrapped tightly around an almost empty bottle of whiskey as he held his head up with his other. I was sitting next to him, an unopened bottle in my hand. George was trying to make his way to the bar's restroom, but it was quite obvious how much he had to drink.

Ringo was sitting by himself, taking his first sip of his drink.

The voices of many other of the bar's customers almost made it impossible to hear the rather dirty pop song that was playing on the jukebox. Men were either trying to flirt with someone or where having a loud conversation with their peers.

The noises were driving me crazy. Paul wasn't bothered by it, probably because he was starting to get drunk, though nowhere near the level George was at.

It was then that I remembered that I had a pack of cigarettes in my pocket, along with a lighter. I touched Paul's back grabbing his attention. I pulled the cigarette case and lighter out from the pocket of my black sweater.

"I'm just going out to have a few cigs, stay here until I get back, okay?" Paul nodded slowly.

"Anythins' okay with me, Johnny boy," He said, hiccuping a couple of times. 

I slowly got up from the bar stool and started walking towards the entrance of the establishment. Ringo's head turned in my direction. I held up the two objects in my hand to make it clear as to what I was doing. George barely made it through the restroom door before I made my exit.

The noises in the bar were still audible outside, but it was much quieter. I sighed in relief. It was amazing as to how annoying the bar was when I wasn't drunk. I was also the only one outside as well.

I opened the pack of cigarettes and took one out, putting the box in my pocket afterwards.  I took the lighter and held it close to the tobacco rod as I pressed my thumb down on it. The orange flame ignited the cigarette in a matter of seconds.

I placed the lighter back in my pocket as I put the lit cigarette in my mouth. The taste soothed me as I looked around. With it being so late into the night, there was no one outside besides me. Every couple of minutes, a car would drive past, but that was it. 

My cigarette was halfway done when I heard the bar's doors open behind me. 

I turned my head around to see who it was. 

My eyes fell upon a man wearing a red and blue-striped sweater and I recognized him immediately.

"Oh, hello Ringo," I said when I took the cigarette out of my mouth. The smoke escaped me as it floated upwards.

"What brings you out here?" Ringo looked at me.

"Well... I saw that you had a pack of cigs. Could I have one?" He walked up beside me.

"Yes," I responded, reaching into my pocket and grabbing one. I handed it to him.

"Ya need a lighter?" I asked.

"Yes."

I handed him my lighter and he had the cigarette lit in a matter seconds. He gave the lighter back to me.

For a moment, the two of us were silent. It was when the drummer's voice broke the silence that I was brought back to reality.

"Hey John... can I tell you somethin'?" Ringo said, taking the cigarette out of his mouth. I nodded.

"Well, p-promise me you w-won't get mad, but..." He took a deep breath, " I... well, have been, um... l-lying to George a-bout somethin'," 

The statement caught me off guard. 

Lying? About what?

"I... only l-love him a-as a f-friend..." Ringo looked away from me as he continued.

"W-when he told me h-his feelings, I didn't want to... to break his heart," His voice became quieter at the end.

"I... understand," I told him. I couldn't relate to his situation, but I knew that it must have been hard.

"Well, there is someone who I truly love romantically, but..."

"Go on."

"H-he's already in a r-relationship," He look back at me, the cigarette still in his hand. I put my cigarette back in my mouth.

"And, who is this bloke ya love?" I asked, holding the cigarette in my mouth.

There was a moment of silence before he spoke.

"You..." That response made my eyes open wide as I looked at him. Ringo saw how surprised I was.

"P-please don't tell them I said that. It's just..." He let out a heavy sigh, cigarette dropping in the process.

"Ringo..." I stated.

"I... I won't tell them, but..." I didn't know how to continue. He spoke for me.

"C-can we j-just talk about this t-tomorrow, while they're both sleeping?" He asked.

I nodded.

Taking the cigarette out of my mouth, I looked at it. It was almost done.

I tossed it onto the ground.

"Well..." I started. Once again, I found myself speechless. 

"We better go back inside. I don't want them to notice we're gone," Ringo said. Taking one last glance at me, he turned around and walked back inside.

I stood, starring at the wooden doors for a moment.

I sighed.

"Well, I guess that it is for the best if we talk tomorrow," I said to myself. I went towards the bar's entrance and walked back inside.

I saw Ringo waiting by the door to the men's restroom, probably waiting for George to come out. 

Paul was still sitting in the same spot he had been when I left. I went up to my seat besides him and sat down.

"B-bout time ya came back," He said. I then noticed that he had another bottle of whiskey in his hand. It was half empty.

"Ya should of saw this bird, Johnny," He continued. I sighed lightly as I opened my own bottle. 

When I went to bed that night, I could not stop thinking about that conversation Ringo and I had. 

I still can't stop thinking about it.

The distant laughing got louder with each step I took. On the other side of the street was a bar, packed with customers. 

I stopped for a moment, recognizing the exterior.

It was the same bar that we had went to that night. I was surprised that it was still in business.

The wooden doors had since then been replaced with metal ones. Besides that, it was exactly the same. 

I sighed and continued walking.

The memories were only going to get more painful to remember from here.