Love and Loss

Chapter 5: The Conversation

     The laughing grew quieter as I walked further away from the bar. Luckily, there were no drunk people outside, so I was still alone.

As I looked forwards, I noticed that the street was much longer than the other two. I sighed.

I guess that I can let the next memory take its place now.

It was early the next morning. I woke up with no headache bothering me. It was refreshing, but Paul wasn't awake yet. 

He was out cold next to me. I looked at his peaceful form for a moment. I then remembered the conversation Ringo and I had the night before.

Ringo... loved me? 

How would Paul react? I wouldn't want him to be angry, though I would have understood if he was going to be. As for George... well... he certainly wouldn't be happy.

As for me... well, I didn't exactly know how I felt at that moment. 

Pity? No, not exactly.

Anger? Certainly not.

Love? I had no opinion on that.

Remembering what Ringo said the night before, I quietly got out of bed and opened the door. The hinges didn't squeak as I moved the large door. It shut silently behind me as I went out into the hallway.

Ringo was already waiting for me across the hall.

"Oh..." He said, noticing me, "John... I wasn't expecting you up so early..."

"Neither did I. I usually wake up much later than this," I said. I walked towards him.

"Well, Ringo... about last night?" I asked, noticing that he had his hands behind his back.

"Y-yeah..." He said, turning his head away from me for a moment, "about that..."

"Ringo, I'm not mad at ya, why would I be? It's only natural to feel love," I said. Ringo looked up at me.

"I hoped t-that you wouldn't be. Look John, I... c-can we just h-hang out more often?" 

"Well, I guess that Paul wouldn't be suspicious... but, what about George?"

"He'll be fine," Ringo responded. Neither of us knew how to continue.

"Well... what... do, ya want us to do?" I eventually asked him.

"Can we go to me bedroom s-so that I f-feel more comfortable. I w-would have slept there last night, but George was practically wasted when we got home. I had to t-take him to his room," Ringo told me.

"Well, I suppose we have a while yet before they wake up," I said, looking back at the door to my room. 

He led me to the door to his room and opened the door.

His bedroom was larger than I thought It'd be. His bed was neatly made, unlike mine. The red blanket was placed a little bit over the white pillow, but otherwise it was perfect. The dark oak that made up his nightstand was a lovely shade of brown. The lamp on it was pretty generic. The walls were painted with a tan color.

"Nice room. Much less cluttered than mine," I said out loud. 

"Well, thanks," Ringo said as he closed the door. The light on the ceiling wasn't on, so he had to find the light switch in the darkness. It didn't take him long to find it.

Once the lights were on, I went over to sit on the edge of the bed. Ringo followed me, sitting down besides me. He looked down.

"John... I... um... w-want to know somethin'," he said in his thick liverpudlian accent.

"Yes... what do ya want to ask me?" 

"H-how d-do you feel about... me?" I took a moment to think of a response. I didn't know how I felt yet, but I responded.

"Well... to be honest Ringo.. I... don't exactly know..." I said, looking at the man in the red and blue-striped sweater. 

"But, I'm not angry at ya, it's just..." I sighed, giving up at trying to continue. Ringo moved a little closer to me, and I was sure that his eyes were becoming glossy.

"Well, y-you c-can leave if it's a-all to confusing. I-I'm sorry, I-it's just that, a-after two months o-of waiting, I needed t-to l-let my feelings o-out. I didn't want to t-tell George a-about it, he'd be angry at me. Paul would h-have thought that I w-was trying to s-steal you from him. A-and you..." he sniffled, " y-you w-were the b-best choice..." 

I sighed, turning over to him.

"Ringo, y-you want t-this to be kept a s-secret, right?" I asked him.

"Yes..."

"Well, I promise that I won't tell anyone, but," I placed my hands on his shoulders. He looked at me, tears starting to fall down his face, "p-promise m-me that you w-wont tell them about this."

Before he could ask what I was doing, I leaned in and kissed him.

I still don't know why I did it. I suppose that it was because I didn't want Ringo to start crying, but still, that was a little extreme. But really, if I hadn't done that, I probably would have ended up leaving his room.

Ringo took a moment to react. I had my eyes closed, but I knew that his eyes were wide. After a moment, he opened his mouth. Our tongues met each other as we both tried to overpower the other. He was able to overpower mine and he explored my mouth.

We both were the dominant ones when it came to that part of our relationships, but the both of us couldn't be the dominant one at the same time. 

It was when Ringo wrapped his arms around me and pushed me down onto the bed that I felt something warm in my chest. 

Love. 

But how could it be? I already loved Paul. I couldn't be in love with Ringo too, could I? 

Ringo pulled away quickly.

"Oh my... I-I'm so sorry! I... I got carried away, I-" 

"Shh," I said, placing my hand on his cheek, "it's okay."

It was then that I started to realize that the love that I was feeling at that moment... was different. 

I couldn't describe how, but it was different from the love I felt for Paul. Somehow, it felt even stronger, I think.

"But, let's not go too far today... maybe some other time," I said. Ringo calmed down.

"Okay, but... are you comfortable with being t-the submissive one? Sorry, it's j-just that-"

"I can get used to it, Ringo. But, for now, lets not get that serious," I stated.

For the next half hour, he was on top of me, kissing me deeply. He was between my legs, but he made sure not to grind against me.

I shook my head. 

Tears were forming at the corners of my eyes. I took my glasses off to dry them.

When I put them back on, I finally saw an intersection up ahead. I needed to cross the street and continue in the same direction I was traveling in now. 

I didn't see any cars yet, so I crossed the street with no issues. I knew where I was, and I still had quite a long way to go.

I just hoped that I could get through this journey without crying.