Rebirth: Professional Substitute

Chapter 88 - I Was Wrong

T/N: My trip's over 🙁. I've been posting very early on my trip due to timing differences. I'll be going back to work... so postings will resume at it's somewhat regular time.

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YanMingXiu's face is full of painful sorrow. Any excuses appear to be powerless and futile because nothing can be changed at this point. Even though ZhouXiang is standing in front of him right now, it can't change the fact that this person has died once.

Even without ZhouXiang condemning him, he is so remorseful that he wanted to kill himself. He not only recognized the wrong person but also fell for the wrong person. If ZhouXiang had really died, leaving him painful for the rest of his life would be the best punishment for him.

But ZhouXiang is still alive, even if it was in this unbelievably bizarre way, he didn't care. He didn't care what ZhouXiang had become as long as this is ZhouXiang. He only needs ZhouXiang!

"ZhouXiang. Don't hate me, give me a chance. Let's start over. I've made a lot of mistakes but you are still alive. Give me a chance to make it up to you, ZhouXiang..."

These words coming out of YanMingXiu's mouth are something that ZhouXiang didn't even dare to imagine. Every single words and sentences pierced him in his heart. ZhouXiang didn't know how to describe his own feelings; it's both grief and ridiculous.

Before he met YanMingXiu, he was a passionate person. He's not promiscuous but he liked to pursue people who he finds captivating, those who give him a sense of refreshing excitement. After meeting YanMingXiu, he suddenly finds himself to be a very faithful person. At least, he never thought of bringing anyone into his parents' home. At the time, he sincerely hoped that YanMingXiu would continue to stay.

He put out 100% of his heartfelt sincerity. But YanMingXiu gave him the shame of treating him as a substitute.

On his last phone call with YanMingXiu in the remote small mountain village in Guangxi, he had already given up. Even though he loved YanMingXiu a lot, even though he might not be able to let YanMingXiu go for a while, he has decided to completely give up. He didn't die with the idea of being with YanMingXiu nor was he reborn with the idea of being with YanMingXiu. When YanMingXiu said these words, it's not that ZhouXiang is not touched, but what he felt was even more heartache.

The pile of horrible bones is clearly ingrained in his mind at this time. Every sentence that YanMingXiu said is such great irony.

ZhouXiang, himself do not have such an open-mind. There is no way he could forgive YanMingXiu. Although his death can't fully be blamed on YanMingXiu's, but without him, he wouldn't have been driven to such desperation than to accept that documentary work. There is no way..... no way... that after seeing himself becoming a skeleton could he reconcile with YanMingXiu's just because of his sentence, "I love you."

That's simply wishful thinking.

ZhouXiang endured all the grievances gushed up to his nasal cavity as he grabbed onto YanMingXiu's arm and tried to push him away.

Panickly, YanMingXiu continued to embrace him tightly, refusing to let go.

"Let go... let me go first."

"No... ZhouXiang, no." He couldn't let go. ZhouXiang's resistance terrified him. He didn't know if he were to let go, would ZhouXiang completely disappear from his world once again.

He can't endure anymore.

"YanMingXiu, I don't want to hate you. Don't force me. Let me go. If you really feel guilty toward me, then leave. This is my home. I asked you to leave three years ago. Now... leave."