Growth

Update?

Hey its been a while i know but i'm never usually on watt pad. I'm at work rn in all honesty listening to music and the thought just crossed my mind to update whatever this is :D.

So far this summer wasn't the best but i got to learn a lot about myself and i got a good job that will look good on my resume. I go back to school soon in which i don't want to but i need get that education so w.e. I cut the person off that had my life in turmoil the one from the intuition? chapter and honestly life is not as bad as it thought it would be. yes i'm still kind alone and no one really texts me except my two old best friends but that's okay. I've been growing but this part in my life has honestly been though on my dealing with feelings of jealousy and insecurity. It is never aneasy thing. Ever since i opened that can in my toxic relationship its been spreading out to other areas of my life but i'm trying my best to learn from my triggers to be a better person.

Slowly but surely i'm making progress its not easy feeling inadequate I've been trying to change the story I've been telling myself but its been years so obviously i won't wake up the next day feeling and prim and proper. I honestly thought around this time i would be the girl i wanted to be but i'm not and i need to stop judging myself because i'm not there i lost myself for a while and its okay if i have to find who and make who i am again because that's life. learning to love yourself isn't easy but its worth it. i have no idea what the next couple months of this year will bring for me but i hope its better. I'm extremely grateful for everything that happened thus far and though i'm unsure about a lot of things i know ill be fine in the end just gotta hold on. This is my last year of high school so i have to make it count like i'm really gonna be a whole ass adult soon and it scares me but i know i'm not back home where id be out of school so i'm grateful for the extra year. I find it hard to just sit and meditate sometimes so i can feel better my mind just keeps worrying about stuff which is so annoying but it'll get better.

My connection with god hasn't been the same either and that's mainly due to my unwillingness to pray because honestly ever since i had my spiritual awaking i don't know what i believe in so now i have to form my own belief system one in which i'm comfortable with now i do not say this to say i don't believe in god because i do but i'm just confused on some stuff.

mostly the reason my life hasn't had a major change is because i'm not putting in the work i'm lazy about it and i need to stop being that way i know i'm being prepared for something much bigger than myself and if i don't get to it i might miss out on a chance of my calling anyways that's it for now. I hope whoever reading this is in a good space right now.

love&light

Kai

ps. the song above is has been my mood for a while so yeah have fun listening