rubatosis | s. todoroki

25 | love thoughts

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Saito Emi

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There are times where Emi just lays on her bed and thinks about anything in the past and everything in the future. This time, she is thinking about this complicated subject of love, neither past nor future.

Love is a strong emotion felt by a person towards another and is supported by tenderness and fondness but to Emi, that's not enough to classify what she's currently feeling.

To identify the feelings she feels towards Shoto as love in such a off-handed way is flustering and almost shameful. Although she's very good at hiding visible effects of his presence, she still has a hard time comprehending his beauty. It's in the way he talks, the way his eyes move around then meet her own, the way he spaces out and let a light smile show, the way he carries chivalry around like an armour, and in so many other ways, he's much more.

"Kid, dinner's ready. Saiko and Mi are fighting again."

But even if she has the courage to make a move. She'll never do it, knowing he's not ready. There's a part of him that doesn't accept his heritage and while Emi would love to be the reason he accepts it, she already knows a certain green-haired classmate is noticing it and working on it. She can't, won't, get in the way of that.

"Emi!"

She gasps, her head snapping almost violently to the doorway where her guardian stood wearing an unconcealed look of concern.

"I called you four times now." He purses his lips momentarily. "You've been thinking too much lately."

The haze in her head clears and tongue doesn't fell as heavy as it did seconds ago. A playful smile crawls on hips almost with force. "Is it the thinking part you're worrying about or the too much?"

"Forget I asked."

"Aw, Aizawa, don't take it too seriously!"

"Die."

"Bu-but we don't need another walking corpse around here!"

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Todoroki Shoto

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It's been a while since Shoto just laid down on his bed after training and not just go straight to his books. He breathes deeply as the ceiling becomes more and more interesting to look at. The silence in his room is homey and comfortable, only bothered by his loud heartbeat.

But in order to stop the noise of the heartbeats, he must go to the cause of it; his thoughts.

Specifically his thoughts of Emi and her tendency to invade all his alone time through his brain. With everything that she does, Shoto questions his feelings. He almost lost hope in love, seeing the marriage of his parents lead to the destruction of one of them. The fact that they didn't marry out of love calms his disbelief if only a little. He sees how his brother looks a his girlfriend and how she looks at him. He's seen those looks before on the streets, in pictures and in movies. He isn't stupid nor ignorant. He knows what it is and has heard and read many interpretations for it. Love.

That's why he recognises the strong rush he feels in his pulse when Emi is around. She doesn't have to be talking to him nor concentrate her attention towards him. She just has to be there. He knows he loves it when she trips around even on air, when she squints at books to try to decipher the words, when she hides her troubles behind a smile and a joke on the side, when she practices her eccentricities at the worst times and so many times, he's said it in his head. I love her.

But she's not ready even though he doubts she knows it. Just like her dead mother, Emi is under the pretence of taking the high road with the abuse and suffering coming her way, but she just worsens it. It's hard to spot but he's figured it out. Everytime they talk, he feels it practically being spelled it out for him. Sometimes he daydreams about her saying those words:

I hate myself

Just his luck, he loves the one thing she hates.