Steamy Love (Tom Hiddleston x Reader)

Chapter 28: Loneliness

You were home. After a few days of packing, moving, a lot of crying and unpacking, you were home. Only, it didn't feel like it. You've been going to bed a little colder, waking up with the bed a little lighter, making your breakfast a little smaller and your smile was faker. You weren't in the mood to stream or go out or hang out with a friend. You didn't want to go back to your favourite hang out spots, stores or food joints. All you've been doing for the few weeks you've been home was sitting around in silence, or sobbing.
The truth is, you were back in your house, but you weren't home. You are not at home.
Your home is gone. You burned it down. Not intentionally, but you made those jabs about his money. You should've denied the jokes from your friend. You should've defended him, but you chose not to.
You went with it, and now you're alone.

You've been trying to reach out for months. He won't reply to your texts, and when you call you always immedietly goto voicemail. You can't even bare to listen to his voicemail now, or his voice in general. It hurts to see things about him, to hear or hear about him and think about him. Your fans don't even really know that you two have split. You haven't been active with fans online or made any public updates. You lurk on some platforms sometimes, but you keep seeing posts about your relationship with him. How you two are the 'perfect couple', 'relationship goals', 'an iconic duo's.
It hurts.
It hurts your heart so much. You just want to be close again. You want to sleep in his arms. You want to feel him slip out of bed early in the morning to go on a run, then feel him lay back down with you before you're supposed to wake up. You want to cook him breakfast and see his smile when he looks at you.
You want to be at peace. You want to be at home.
You'd do anything for a second chance.
...
But you recognize that you have to move on eventually. You may have liked Tom, maybe even loved him, but things can change like this. People can change. Maybe this was just a sign that it would not have worked out if you left with him, as much as you may have wanted to. Maybe you would've argued a lot. Maybe one of you would always be too busy for one another. You really don't know, but as unlikely as it seems now, you're not going to be sulking about this forever. You'll have to move on eventually, whether by dating another man or getting support from your friends and family. You'll move on, and maybe find new happiness. A new home.
It will take a lot of work and patience, but it can be done. You've gone through this before...So, why is it harder?
What's worse, is that you have to go to the UK next week anyways. You were going to some sort of film event with a friend. It seemed to be a big deal, and you were nervous about running into him. Your friend said it was unlikely, though. He's probably too bust with rehearsals or something.
...
Right?

Poor Tom was going through something similar back in the UK. He's back with his canine companion and all of his books, but he's hardly smiled since he's been home. He's done some crying himself. He's missed holding a body in bed. He hasn't even been in the mood for breakfast. Amanda's been calling, so he's just been ignoring his phone entirely to avoid her and everyone else. He doesn't want to go out with buddies for a drink, and he only ever leaves the house to walk his dog or goto rehearsal. As hurt as he was, he misses you.
While he's come back to his house and his dog, he's not home. He left his home alone, and it was taken away. It disappeared.

His heart has been aching for days over you. He keeps thinking about how he should've let you spoken, let you explain yourself. He should've gone back for you the next day. He should've texted or called you. Anything. Now, it seems like it's too late to reach out. You live in different countries, and you're both going to be very busy these next couple months. Who knows if you'd get any time together? Everything just seems so uncertain now. He misses having you, hearing you laugh, making mad love to you and seeing you sleep so peacefully afterwards. His bed feels so light and empty at night now adays. The loneliness creeps into his heart even when it's been a good day. He can't take this, but it seems like there's nothing he can do. He'll just have to move forward. Move on, and in time, he'll be able to think of the good memories without a pain in his chest. Besides, he has an important event to goto next week. He's got the BAFTA Film Gala to attend. He's been nervous to go out the way he is, but at least there's not much of a chance to run into you.

After a couple days, you and your friend took the trip up to the UK, getting to stay in a rather nice hotel for a couple days until the night of the event. You both had rather nice outfits ready, and you even got some photographers at the event hounding you both on the main carpet. You were really starting to feel like a film star. The night was off to a great start so much, you had nearly forgotten about--

"Tom, over here!"
You turned your head when you heard the name, looking further down the carpet. Of course. Of fucking course, he's here, be hounded by many other photographers. More than what you had. Some on your side even moved over to his side. The carpet wasn't too long, but you felt far enough to be able to look at him for a while without him noticing. You wondered if he had noticed you yet. You certainly noticed him right away. He was looking real fine in that tux...
You couldn't think about this sort of thing. You feel like you're back at square one, admiring Tom from a fair distance while he's barely acknowledged you. You felt sick to your stomach, and your friend noticed, gently taking your arm.
"Come on, (Y/N)." They spoke. "Let's go inside..".
As you followed them, Tom had glanced over at your direction, though you had faced away before he got a chance to see if it was really you. Maybe it was just someone else with the same name.

As he walked into the building with more of the attendees, he felt an anxious pit in his stomach. Hearing your name, whether or not it was you, made him just want to go home. He couldn't possibly begin to imagine how he'd feel and react if you were ACTUALLY here in the UK, after such a fuss over you moving here in the first place. That might just anger him again, or maybe he'd be thankful. Maybe he'd cry again.
Though, that's extremely unlikely, in his opinion. There no plausible way you're here tonight...

Right?