California Sin

Chapter 7~Tears

***WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT CAN BE TRIGGERING. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK***

I walked all the way home by myself, ignoring everybody else in existence, coming upon my house I see a silver BMW parked in the drive way. It must be Luca. I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up as if i'm expecting something to happen.
I'll be fine. I tell myself, taking the usual route up to my room on the porch.

I get up to my room and step through the window. I throw myself on my bed, covering my face with my hands while taking a deep breath. I decide to call Trixie and tell her every detail about today, of course she was way more excited about it then I was.

I recall her saying, "Don't fuck this up" before falling asleep on the other end of the line, only someone like Trixie could do that. I fall asleep shortly after her, still light outside.
**
I woke up this morning, well 3 am to be precise, with a cold sweat.
Did i really sleep that long?
It was dark in my room so I couldnt see nearly a foot in front of me. I hear small movement to the side of the bed.
What's going on? My thoughts couldn't get to far ahead of me before a course hand is placed over my mouth, pressing my head into my pillow. I hold my arms out, my hands trying to reach the figure holding my mouth closed.

"Stop moving" I hear a deep voice say, the same voice I heard at the table the other day.
I feel my breath quicken as my heartbeat speeds up.
My blood runs cold, it feels like there's nearly a thousand pounds holding my limbs down onto my bed.
Keeping his hand still placed over my mouth, he runs his other hand down the side of my body several times. I ball my fists and squeeze my eyes shut, afraid that if I upset him he could hurt me.
I feel his hand slip under my shirt, his fingers trace the lining of my bra. "So pretty" I hear him say just above a whisper.
He takes his hand out from my shirt. He quickly takes his hand off of my mouth, giving me a second to take in a deep breath of air, before I can say anything he flips me over using both of his arm and presses the back of my head into the bed, leaving me with hardly any air to breath. I hear the clanking on a belt buckle before I feel his cold, rough hands curl around the sides of my jeans.
At this time I realize what he's about to do, I can't let him to this to me, but I can't move, It's like I'm glued to the bed beneath me.
I feel his hands tug at my jeans, pulling them down wards. He grabs both of my wrists and pins them behind me. I feel helpless, I'm nothing compared to how much stronger he is than me. I can't help the tears steaming out of my eyes that can't fall but soak into the pillow. I open my mouth to scream but nothing comes out, I feel my heart in my throat.
The beat of my heart is the only thing I can hear.
I feel him pulsate into me, quick and hard. I bite my pillow and continue holding my eyes shut. He continues holding me down with such force, more than I could ever imagine outdoing.
I try to hide in my own head, maybe if I stay in here and just wait till he goes away. I don't have much of a choice. The last thing I remember is him taking his hand of my head before darkness takes over my body and mind.
**
I wake up in the same position I was in last night. My head pounding. I sit up in my bed, tears dried onto my face, my shirt is ruffled while my jeans are across the room. I stand up, putting my hands over my mouth. My eyes begin to burn, I can't help but let the tears fall.
I sink to my knees, lowering my head to the ground letting out quite sobs.

Why did this have to happen to me? Did i do something wrong? Maybe I didn't do enough to help my dad. Was this my fault?

I pull my head up and grab the nearest thing to my, which happens to be a glass vase which used to hold pretty blue flowers, and throw it at the wall in front of me, sending glass flying out everywhere.
I scream at the wall as if it's their fault. My mother could be home but at this point I don't care. I take deep breaths and curl into a ball on the ground. I take a couple deep breaths to try and control my breathing.

I stand up and gather some clothes so I can shower all the sin off of me. I step around the shards of grass that are scattered around my room and peep out of the door that's left wide open.
I look down the stairs into the front room. Mother is face down sitting at the coffee table while pills and thin white lines are placed on the area around her. I turn around and step into the bathroom, looking out of the small window to see the driveway way, he's gone. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in, and slowly peel off the remaining clothes I have on. Maybe i deserved this, maybe it was my fault for letting this happen.

After the shower I walk back into my room and pick up my phone off my bed, seeing several missed calls and texts from Trixie:
Where are you??"

Alex?

Is everything okay?

Answer me asap so i know you're okay.

"Shit." I mumble to myself, It's a school day and according to my phone it's 11 already.

I send her a quick text back saying that i'm fine and that I just wasn't feeling well. Biggest understatement of the year.
She answers back within seconds:

Okay, well feel better!! ily:)

I throw my phone onto my bed and look around my room. I can't stand this place, I have to get out of here. I decide to ride around on my board so I slip on my black high top vans and climb out of the window.

I decide to take the opposite facing road I usually take. I ride for a few minutes before I see someone sitting on a front porch, smoking a cigarette.
I squint my eyes to try and see who it is. I let out a small laugh when I realize who it is.
"Aren't you supposed to be at school or something?" Pierce hollers at me.
I step off my skateboard and pick it up, walking towards him.
I shrug,"Didn't feel like it." I say, running a hand through my hair.
He pats the area next to him on the porch. I hesitate before taking to seat next to him. He takes the cigarette from his mouth and tries to hand it to me, I shake my head. I vowed to myself to never do drugs or smoke after I saw what it did to my mother.

I examine his arm that's placed on him knee, it has a snake tattoos running up. It starts from his wrist, small flowers added here and there.

"What is this for?" I ask, motioning to his arm. He puts out the cigarette and turns towards me. "My mom" He quickly says, leaning against the porch framing behind him and looking up at me.
I bite my bottom lip, "What about your mom?" I ask, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear.
He stares at me for a few seconds before looking down at my wrists. He furrows his brows, "What are those from?" He points at my wrist. They have purple bruises around them. I didn't even realize, they must be from last night. I feel my cheeks burn. How do I even answer that?

I look back up at him to see him waiting intently with an answer. "Uh, nothing. It's nothing" I say, crossing my arms so the bruises aren't visible. He gives me a look that basically says I know you're lying. He reaches out towards me and takes one of my hands. I flinch at his touch. He stops moving and looks into my eyes. His dark hair falls into his eyes as he looks down at my wrist, he softly runs his finger over the bruises area and shakes his head. I tense up.
"Bullshit." He looks back up at me and shakes his head.
He has a softer expression than his usual one. He parts his lip slightly and let's go of my hand.
I stand up from the area next to him, "I should go." I turn and start to walk away, my board tucked under my arm. He doesn't respond, so I hop on my board and head down the road away from him. I shake my head, trying to process what happened.

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so, this chapter was heavy. thank you for reading it. i'll see you tomorrow🖤
-via