Sugar

18. Is It True?

"Seokjin?"

I stare at the man in my doorway, and his face is drawn, lacking his usual happiness, the corners of his lips pulled down as he meets my eyes.

"Is it true?"

"Is...what true?" I step aside to let him come in but he just stands there, eyes on mine, serious, and I blink, caught off guard.

"What Namjoon said." I can see how much he wants it to be a lie, how much he's silently pleading with me to say it's not true, yet there's a resignation in his eyes, a hurt.

"He told you," I say it quietly and he lets out a breath, closing his eyes briefly.

"You're a sugar baby."

I nod slightly and he stares off into the distance like he can't see me. "Was nothing real?" He makes eye contact finally, serious, his eyes resigned to my answer. "It was all about the money, wasn't it."

I stare at him, my heart cracking, splintering into pieces, my eyes blurring, voice breaking slightly, barely a whisper.

"You seriously think I'd do that to you?"

"I don't know anymore, Y/n." He lets out another breath. "You didn't tell me about your...job, and I don't even know what was real and what was a lie because anything you told me could be untrue now." I can see in his eyes how much he trusted me, how much it hurt that I'd lie to him, and my chin wobbles slightly as I try to stop the tears starting to slip down my cheeks.

"Seokjin - I wouldn't - " I stop, realizing that I was about to say I would never lie to him, when I already did. "I love you," the words escape my lips, tumbling out, my own breath choking me, making my voice catch in my throat. "I couldn't lose you."

He shakes his head, staring off again.

"You don't get it." He presses his lips together, and I can see now that he's trying so hard to not crack, not break down. "I'm not upset that you let guys date you for money. I don't care what your job is."

He meets my eyes, serious. "My problem is that you lied to me, Y/n, and I don't know what to trust anymore."

"It was only that," I whisper, tears catching in my eyelashes, and I blink them away. "Nothing else."

His eyes are steady on mine, and I fight a sob building in my chest as I stare into his brown eyes, the hurt I see there breaking me.

"Can I trust you?" His voice is barely a whisper, catching in his throat, and I nod, a soft sob escaping my lips as I stare up at him, the only think I know right now is that without Seokjin, I have no purpose, no reason to smile.

Seokjin swallows,closing his eyes briefly, and we stand there in silence for a long while until he opens his eyes, meeting mine, and his hand reaches out to brush his thumb over my damp cheek, wiping away the tears, and another sob escapes my lips at his touch, leaning my cheek against his hand, closing my eyes.

"Don't cry," Seokjin says it softly, and his voice is unsteady, brushing my hair out of my face, and I let out a shuddery breath, leaning into his touch.

His lips press against mine, soft and sweet, a long kiss, lingering, and my eyes open as he pulls away, meeting his eyes as I catch his shoulders.

"I love you," I whisper, and it's so weird to be saying it, yet so right as Seokjin's eyes soften and he simply pulls me into another soft kiss, our lips moving slowly against each other, feeling the way our mouths mouths fit perfectly together as his hand moves to rest on my waist, pulling me closer slowly, tenderly, his kisses slow, perfect, sweet and soft as I smile against his lips, my fingers curling in his shirt at this sweetness.

Finally we pull away from each other, our breath mingling as we just stare at each other, and Seokjin closes his eyes, leaning his forehead on mine, nose gently brushing against mine, his lips barely touching mine as he speaks softly. "I'm a mess without you."

The words make my stomach fill with lead, and I let out a shaky breath, closing my eyes so I can't see his reaction, hating the fact that I have to say this.

"Seokjin...I slept with someone last night."

His body stills, muscles tensing under my fingers, and he lets out a slow breath, his voice low. "You...slept with someone?"

I nod silently, opening my eyes to meet his, taking in the way his jaw clenches as he lets out a breath.

"I was drunk," I say quietly. "It was stupid, and I regret it so much."

He's quiet and I can't look at him anymore, closing my eyes, hating myself.

"I think we should be exclusive."

My eyes fly open at his quiet statement and I stare at him, shocked. "What?"

He nods, eyes steady on mine. "I want to date you exclusively, Y/n. I don't think I can stomach the thought that other guys get to - " he breaks off, shaking his head, and I swallow, unsure what to reply.

"My job - the guys, they still..."

"I can help you." Seokjin is serious, his eyes on mine, determined. "We'll get you a real job. Something that will support you, and you can stop being a sugar baby."

"It's not that easy," I say quietly, pulling away slightly. "I made fifteen thousand dollars just last night, Seokjin."

He lets out a breath, voice soft, calm. "Y/n...someone paid to have sex isn't just a sugar baby anymore."

The breath leaves my lungs and I stare at him, realizing what he means. Prostitution, the act of paying for sexual services. Last night, with Jimin.

I meet his eyes again, my throat tight. "All right."

Seokjin's smile is hesitant, unsure. "Really?"

I nod and he lets out a breath, pulling me closer, hugging me tightly against him as he buries his face in my neck, inhaling slowly.

"I love you," he says it softly against my skin, sending tingles down my spine at the rumble of his voice, and I let out a breath, pulling him closer, pressing my cheek to his chest so I can hear his heartbeat, my voice barely a whisper.

"I love you, too."